He shouldn't have added my name to complaint

[Auntieobem]

Without at least letting me proof read it?? DP has submitted a complaint re some research conducted at dd's school. I was annoyed about the issue too, but he didn't tell me he'd submitted a formal complaint until after he'd put it in. Despite having a work colleague proof read it the letter he's submitted is full of grammatical mistakes and just reads like a rant.

He says he added my name because colleague told him it was better if it came from both of us. He doesn't think he's been unreasonable at all.

So

YABU - DP was just going what he thought was right

YANBU - DP shouldn't have sent it without checking with me first

Ah thanks I appreciate it. Have a lovely evening too. I will definitely make sure I read rtft carefully and ensure I completely agree with the OP before posting. Cheers.

Yep give it a thorough read - especially as you seem to struggle with comprehension 😆

Ah. @FurAndFeathers ... the irony is strong in you ...

All this talk about basic decency & slag folk off.
Something YOU'D never sink to, huh?

You're either totally unaware of your own double standards, or you're having a laugh.

Yep give it a thorough read - especially as you seem to struggle with comprehension 😆

Remind us all what you were saying about unkindness @FurAndFeathers ...
Or is that, too. only for other people, & not your gracious self?

Where on this thread have I slagged anyone off for perfectly reasonable behaviour @KettrickenSmiled ?

please do point it out.

I’ve definitely challenged posters who are factually wrong about the need for informed consent or who have called the OP names for her perfectly reasonable actions or who have deliberately twisted my words. I’m pretty comfortable with that.

I'm not interested in your comfort levels @FurAndFeathers, or in wasting time presenting facts to you which you will dismiss because you believe that the rules you apply do other do not apply to you.

Well considering no one has suggested that folk must ensure I completely agree with the OP before posting
i’d say that’s reasonable advice 🤷‍♀️
no idea where the PP got that from.

@Auntieobem do report it to the ethics committee of the university too

For someone with such little interest in me you sure are keen to tag me in conversation.

odd.

YANBU. How ironic that your DP chaired an ethics committee but acted unethically by signing on behalf of f someone else. He might want to reflect on his own poor behaviour!!

Good intentions are no excuse for bad/ potentially dangerous practice.

^ especially asking about wellbeing with no plans in place to flag up to parents it might highlight some difficult feelings for their kids and what support is on offer if so.

nope they don’t!

You seem to struggle with anybody's opinion, that doesn't accord with your own. The OP asked if they were being unreasonable to be annoyed with their partner's way of going about the complaint. You seem more interested in barging your way through other people's responses.

Yep I’m very aware of what the OP asked for and if you rtft you’ll see I’ve responded to her question. What she didn’t ask for was for a commentary on whether her actions were ‘ridiculous’ or not. But you don’t seem to be berating those posters…

you may think it’s totally fine for posters to call her ridiculous for her perfectly reasonable course of action. I don’t. Its not a ‘struggle’ - it’s basic decency.

you may also be happy for folk to spread misinformation about important safeguarding and ethics issues such as consent. I don’t really care if you consider correcting misinformation to be ‘barging through other people’s responses’.

When folk spout nonsense and call other posters names for perfectly reasonable actions I don’t think it’s unreasonable to correct them.
you appear to disagree 🤷‍♀️

I don't think op's dh was reasonable to write a ranty complaint without fact-checking first, or to include his wife's name without her consent.

I deal with quite a lot of ranty complaints from parents myself and about 80% are misinformed by their child (sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally), have missed or forgotten a communication, or have misunderstood/don't know the full facts of a situation.

I always wonder why they don't have a discussion or ask a few questions before tying us all up in a time-consuming, unnecessary official complaint that very often leaves them apologetic and a bit embarrassed.

OP may be entirely justified in her complaint but I was wondering and have asked which research protocols were not followed and how op knows they weren't followed.

Even if the school and university are at fault - let's say their ethics protocols say they will ask parents for consent if the pupil is under 12 but they didn't do this - then there is a way of raising this human error in a way that is professional and constructive rather than ranty.

And, as the former chair of an ethics committee, it is odd that op's dd wasn't able to draft an appropriate letter and had to ask a colleague to proof-read, and take guidance from that same colleague on whether to include his wife's name or not, and didn't at any time question the ethics of doing so without asking her first.

That sentence is perfectly grammatically correct, unless you take issue with "proof read" (and compound words like that are always a bit divisive — it's attested in OED as proofread, proof-read and proof read). It might be easier to read and parse with a comma added after the "it", but it's not actually incorrect without it.

Besides which, who applies the same standards to conversational posts on a forum as they do to formal correspondence?

That fact the DH made grammatical errors and my name was on it
is what I’d roll my eyes at

If it has been sent then it will need to be forwarded to the ethics committee for investigation, as all complaints will be.

Yanbu
He is your husband your partner- he doesn't get to speak for you or sign letters for you. Just remind him he never sends in a letter to anyone nor a complaint in your name too, without you having read it and agree to it. That he's lucky you are not contacting the uni to say I did not write that nor see that complaint that my DH signed my name too!

You're right though you can't withdraw it as you'd both look daft. And the original complaint gets lost

If it helps I see a fair few complaint letters where it's obvious one person has written it compared to the more reasonable other partner

If your DD is under 13 the uni cannot store or process her personal information without your permission under GDPR

So whilst you have made a. Complaint about their processes, you can also b. write to them and copy ISO that you want your minor child's personal information deleted immediately as they have no consent to store it, and that you believe they have collected other minor children's personal information Without parental consent, that they are storing in breach of GDPR

School and uni should have known better

Now If uni can't identify what info is your DD's they may have to delete all of it. They really messed up

OP, please update us when this is resolved as I'm honestly genuinely interested in whether there is a genuine complaint and if so how they resolve it.

That’s fair. Apologies

I have RTFT, otherwise I would not have been posting with an objective view. It's great that you have knowledge and experience in this field, however, your attitude comes across as superior and passive aggressive.

Ok. No idea why you’re telling me what the OP is asking for then 🤷‍♀️

Do you actually have any advice for her or are you just here to state the obvious and join the name-callers?

Do you actually ever let anybody else have an opinion? Carry on. Clearly only you know best. I stand by my observations. Your posts are all about you you you.

Good for your dh for taking the trouble to make a complaint. Not enough of us do but it's quite clear that had he consulted you it might have included more content and reflected your joint view.