Page 3 | He shouldn't have added my name to complaint

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 27/10/2022 22:11

If you want a job doing properly, do it yourself.

gavisconismyfriend · 27/10/2022 22:12

Have you also complained to the university? You could send a better written complaint to them than your husband managed to the school.

FurAndFeathers · 27/10/2022 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Incorrect again. If you read my very first post at 21.32 you’ll see I raised research ethics as a first concern.

crack on with calling me names if you feel it adds weight to your argument. 🤷‍♀️

I find it odd that someone would argue so vehemently against following good research practices that protect vulnerable children, and promote ethical publications, and criticise those of us who prioritise safeguarding above basic legal provisions.

but I guess everyone’s interests are different and if criticising the OP for wanting ethical research practices and lying about the need for consent in children used in research is how you choose to spend your time, then crack on. 🤷‍♀️

FurAndFeathers · 27/10/2022 22:16

SkimmyWins · 27/10/2022 22:09

Says the person posting NSPCC GUIDANCE as a backup of their opinion

you really don’t understand how to conduct a rational argument

Show quote history

I’m happy to review the resources you’ve provided to evidence your assertion that research in children doesn’t require consent. I’ll wait whilst you link them…

Original poster

Auntieobem · 27/10/2022 22:18

@Merlott "I do find it darkly hilarious that in submitting a complaint about ethics and consent... your DH didn't get your consent to add you as a signatory" the irony is not lost on me.

Yes, it's the University "we" have complained to.

OP posts:

LavaBum · 27/10/2022 22:18

If you haven't already, send a complaint to the University - preferably directly to the ethics lead. They will take it very seriously and try to get it resolved. If proper consent hasn't been given, they cannot use the information gathered in published journals etc. If the project doesn't have ethical approval, someone is going to have a difficult conversation when the ethics people find out.
The school, despite being involved, are probably not as aware of the research rules as the Uni (even though they should be in this case).

FurAndFeathers · 27/10/2022 22:20

LavaBum · 27/10/2022 22:18

If you haven't already, send a complaint to the University - preferably directly to the ethics lead. They will take it very seriously and try to get it resolved. If proper consent hasn't been given, they cannot use the information gathered in published journals etc. If the project doesn't have ethical approval, someone is going to have a difficult conversation when the ethics people find out.
The school, despite being involved, are probably not as aware of the research rules as the Uni (even though they should be in this case).

You should also be able to withdraw your child’s data from the study @Auntieobem

viques · 27/10/2022 22:22

Auntieobem · 27/10/2022 21:17

@donttellmehesalive you'd think so wouldn't you? DP used to chair an ethics committee in a past job. I've had involvement in research ethics.

And yet he can’t write a grammatically correct letter………

ThatsAboutEnoughOfThat · 27/10/2022 22:33

I am always more than happy to be one of those parents, I consider protecting my children by being a general pain in the arse yet another joy of being a lawyer.

The fact that it pisses people off reassures me that it is the correct course of action.

YANBU OP, when DH and I are being those parents we present a united front, and if something is going have both names on it then it will be co-written or at least read by both of us. I would be irritated as well.

We love a bit of research around here. But first I want to see all of your ethics approvals and consents.

I am not actually familiar with the UK framework, but see no issue with parents raising any concerns they may have any point. If there is no problem and everything is in order then any concerns will be able to be responded to without to much fuss I would have thought.

TheSausageKingofChicago · 27/10/2022 22:38

Diaclaimer: I don’t work in research and I’m no expert on the ethics of it all.

Had you both discussed the issue and agreed you weren’t happy and it warranted a complaint? And agreed on the grounds? If so I don’t think it’s so bad he’s put your name to it (annoying as the grammar might be)

If you haven’t, I’d see it as a bit undermining or speaking for you and wouldn’t be happy

Solonge · 27/10/2022 22:41

Auntieobem · 27/10/2022 18:59

Without at least letting me proof read it?? DP has submitted a complaint re some research conducted at dd's school. I was annoyed about the issue too, but he didn't tell me he'd submitted a formal complaint until after he'd put it in. Despite having a work colleague proof read it the letter he's submitted is full of grammatical mistakes and just reads like a rant.

He says he added my name because colleague told him it was better if it came from both of us. He doesn't think he's been unreasonable at all.

So

YABU - DP was just going what he thought was right

YANBU - DP shouldn't have sent it without checking with me first

As a matter of interest, why did your partner not show you the complaint and ask if he could add your name before sending it in? does he think he can add your name to anything? that he has the right to do that? very high handed behaviour. I would tell him I am contacting the school and telling them I was not party to the complaint, equally I would then send in my own complaint.

paintitallover · 27/10/2022 22:43

I'd be very cross about that.

KettrickenSmiled · 27/10/2022 22:46

Why did he ask for his colleagues input & not his wife's?

Does he imagine his colleague is more invested in his DC's than his own mother?

He is outrageously out of order for submitting ANYTHING in your name without checking with you first. It;s high-handed & dismissive. You are not an adjunct to him, you are a person in your own right.

KettrickenSmiled · 27/10/2022 22:47

sorry - that THEIR own mother

5128gap · 27/10/2022 22:58

Yes it was wrong of him and I get your embarrassment at being linked with a letter that may get you judged a little for its style. Most of us would prefer our complaints to make us sound like educated people to be reckoned with, rather than that we are 'fuming' and can't spell.
However, regardless of the presentation, the fact he has made a formal complaint at all should result in some type of investigation, which is your overall aim. You may get your opportunity to present additional points in a less emotive way later in the process.

Tsort · 27/10/2022 23:02

Why didn’t he show it to you? I’m assuming you asked, so what was his reason?

Fyngal123 · 27/10/2022 23:04

@Auntieobem fwiw I think YABU. If I read your op correctly, you both discussed and agreed you weren’t happy with the research process. He did what he thought was next step. As long as you agree with the principle and contents of the complaint minus the grammatical errors I’d let it go. Flip side of it, he doesn’t do any admin stuff and leaves them all for you…..

BumbleShyBee · 27/10/2022 23:05

Yes, OP, I'd be very annoyed about that too.

FurAndFeathers · 27/10/2022 23:08

Fyngal123 · 27/10/2022 23:04

@Auntieobem fwiw I think YABU. If I read your op correctly, you both discussed and agreed you weren’t happy with the research process. He did what he thought was next step. As long as you agree with the principle and contents of the complaint minus the grammatical errors I’d let it go. Flip side of it, he doesn’t do any admin stuff and leaves them all for you…..

Yes. If a man demonstrates his carelessness for a single task then it is incumbent upon his wife to ensure he is never inconvenienced with such menial duties again! 🙄

marvellousmaple · 27/10/2022 23:11

How does a previous chair of a university ethics committee not know how to write a complaint about university ethics? How bizarre.
Other than that ,yes he should have shown it to you rather than a colleague ( who appears to be equally inept).

cansu · 27/10/2022 23:19

My eyes are already rolling. Yes he has embarrassed you. I try and think about saving my complaints up for important stuff that affects me and my children personally and profoundly. I tend not to bother with shit that annoys me. It is a waste of a complaint. Plus doing it badly makes you look ridiculous.

Tsort · 27/10/2022 23:20

marvellousmaple · 27/10/2022 23:11

How does a previous chair of a university ethics committee not know how to write a complaint about university ethics? How bizarre.
Other than that ,yes he should have shown it to you rather than a colleague ( who appears to be equally inept).

Some people are just incredibly poor writers. I have worked with some extremely accomplished people who could barely string two words together in a report. So, they delegated that side of things.

FurAndFeathers · 27/10/2022 23:29

cansu · 27/10/2022 23:19

My eyes are already rolling. Yes he has embarrassed you. I try and think about saving my complaints up for important stuff that affects me and my children personally and profoundly. I tend not to bother with shit that annoys me. It is a waste of a complaint. Plus doing it badly makes you look ridiculous.

Do use of your children’s health data without consent and associated safeguarding concerns doesn’t worry you?

how much university research ethics experience do you have?

having worked in several universities and developed guidance for charities conducting research, I can’t think of a single institution that would consider a complaint about research done on a vulnerable group without consent as ridiculous, but perhaps you have more experience @cansu ?

cansu · 27/10/2022 23:41

🤣🤣🤣 goodness so sorry for not having sufficient experience in the ethics of university research to comment. Maybe if this is such a complex and important issue the OP should post on a more well informed platform. I am just an ordinary person who tries to not complain needlessly. I am however clearly ill informed. Many apologies for offering an opinion.

FurAndFeathers · 27/10/2022 23:47

cansu · 27/10/2022 23:41

🤣🤣🤣 goodness so sorry for not having sufficient experience in the ethics of university research to comment. Maybe if this is such a complex and important issue the OP should post on a more well informed platform. I am just an ordinary person who tries to not complain needlessly. I am however clearly ill informed. Many apologies for offering an opinion.

Apology accepted.
FWIW no one expects you to be an expert on anything - that’s not a pre-requisite for decency.

I guess i just think it’s basic decency to bother to rtft before you start slagging off the OP for a perfectly reasonable course of action (that she didn’t ask for opinions on)

up to you of course - you’re perfectly entitled to jump in and slag folk off on subjects that you clearly have no knowledge of.

and I’m perfectly entitled to judge you for being unkind. Have a lovely evening 😊