If only they'd talked to someone...

[HouseWithAView]

AIBU in thinking that people don't listen?

So often, when someone goes missing or attempts to/succeeds in ending their live, you hear people say 'that's so sad, if only they'd talked to someone about how they were feeling'. However, in many cases the person who was struggling has spoken about their troubles and been told, 'it's not that bad', 'don't be daft', 'I went through similar and I'm fine', etc. Constantly minimising and dismissing.

Granted, most folks family and friends aren't trained counsellors or psychologists but they don't need to be trained to listen and empathise. Sometimes that's all people need, to be heard and acknowledged.

I remember being really overwhelmed as DH's colitis was flaring up. I spoke to a male colleague and he said 'My friend Jon has just had to have his leg amputated due to diabetes so in the grand scheme of things, DH is lucky.'
Probably didn't mean it how it came across but all it did was make me feel bad for speaking out and like our troubles were not worth much. It's hard to find people who truly care and at the moment more then ever, so many of us have little emotional energy left to give to anyone else.

An ambulance. Yes because that will save them!! You need to do some serious research. An ambulance!!!! By doing that you’ll make more problems for the person. HELP THEM don’t dump it on the useless paramedics

A lot of the time people say the wrong thing and make things worse.

One of my least favourites, "I don't know how you managed. I know I couldn't."

100% agree.

I try and be there for other people but the reality is I struggle so much myself to keep going that I just don’t have much bandwidth for people with lots of needs.

I don’t talk about my problems to friends. Maybe I should but I prefer to keep things light when I’m out.

There is no mental health service in this country really. You just have to get through stuff in whatever way you can.

For me there are so many words unsaid
It feels wrong to utter the words and how do you know where to start when you've been hiding behind a facade for so long
I fear being judged for not having a good enough reason
For my plan not to be "serious enough"
I fear the words "if you were really suicidal you would ..."
I tried reaching out about self harm as a teen and was told I wasn't doing it properly so it couldn't be real
I fear the words "have you not thought about how x, y or z would feel?"

I'm in my mid 30s and have spent most of my life since my teens with some degree of suicidal thoughts. The biggest thing that stops me from acting on them is not wanting the conversation afterwards if I'm not successful about being suicidal

I can walk alongside you desperately wishing some awful situation will take my life so I didn't have to and you would never know. I have been in work and had to leave early to have my risk assessed by the crisis team and them not know or realise. The better job i do of hiding it the more at risk I am. When I'm more visibly unwell there are people to check-in when it's all behind the smoke screen there becomes a huge disconnect between the world I act in and the world in my head. The bigger the gulf the harder it is to reach out.

A school friend took his own life leaving behind a wife and young child. We sat around the table at the wake and one person said he could have spoken to any of us. All of us sat there had experience of mental health. The thought that ran through my head was "i get it"

There was a time when I thought I would die by suicide or a disregard for my life. I no longer think like this. I have survived the worst of suicidal thoughts and I have found routes through. I have learnt to live with the pain of not wanting to live