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Original poster

Father blames me for closing his UK bank account

107 replies

Nindaelita · 26/10/2022 09:25

Ok bare with me cause this is really making my anxiety come back and I'm just so stressed since they've arrived I can't even sleep properly. There's more to this than just an accusation that's why my anxiety has come back.

My father and his partner after living in the UK for many years decided to leave last year to go back to their home country and eventually retire there. The problem is my father left an opened bank account in here with some left over money to pay off any debt (I don't know amounts) and was not in contact with the bank at all for a year, (he said he was but I doubt it).

I use to live with them so after they left the house the tenancy contract was put in my name and I still live at the same adress. For a year after they left I've received countless of letters in their names that they didn't bother to ask for, nor cancel them by informing banks, NHS, GPs etc that they were no longer living here. Which I found wrong since their place in the GP could go for another local person for example.

Eventually after a couple of months of opening their letters, I decided to send letters back with "return to sender" since they no longer had any intention of coming back to the UK.
A month ago they announced that things are becoming really bad back home in terms of jobs and rising prices so they want to come back.
They said they would come for around a week this month to check how things were doing over here ( not very good, prices are sky high as well) and apparently they are fixed in coming back again. No problem with me, it's their decision.

Now here's the problem, since they arrived my father went to the bank and found out his account was closed and is now not allowed to open any other with them.
I have no idea about the details, if he owed money, if it went on overdraft and the fees and the inactivity made them close his acount, I have no idea. He doesn't tell me things properly. The bank told him that they've sent letters to my adress prior to closing it and that's where he came to me and pointed his finger.

Bare in mind after he left the country he had online banking (his words) so he could easily contact the bank and keep his acount checked every day.
Now because he was so fixed in not coming back he tro away his UK mobile number, the one that was linked to his bank account, which apparently unabled him to access his online banking again.

I am absolutely stressed cause he now says that I ducked up his credit score along with his name with the bank because I didn't keep his letters and didn't inform him they wanted to close his account! What the actual duck???

Please someone tell me I am not crazy and this whole ordeal is because he didn't take responsibility for his affairs?

OP posts:
5foot5 · 26/10/2022 09:53

TBH I think the only thing I would have done differently is I wouldn't have opened their letters or sent them back to sender. I would have kept them and every week or so package them up and sent them on - with perhaps a covering note saying please change your address or terminate your contact with these people.

Are they living with you again?

Isaidnoalready · 26/10/2022 10:03

No he fucked himself up

But I've not really bothered about a bank account for a year and had zero consequences so I'm guessing he hit his overdraft?

Brigante9 · 26/10/2022 10:03

Not your problem, he’s dropped the ball. I hope they aren’t staying with you? I can it becoming long term if they need to find somewhere to live.

MissAmbrosia · 26/10/2022 10:07

Many banks have closed accounts of those living abroad without a current UK address. It's caused all kinds of difficulties. Expats with pensions, or UK house rented out etc.

NextPrimeMinister · 26/10/2022 10:08

Who leaves the country and does zero admin on any of their affairs?

Whatever you do, dont give him the tenancy back without understanding where it leaves you.

CornishGem1975 · 26/10/2022 10:11

He's a grown man. It's not your responsibility. He can manage his own financial affairs.

notimagain · 26/10/2022 10:30

MissAmbrosia · 26/10/2022 10:07

Many banks have closed accounts of those living abroad without a current UK address. It's caused all kinds of difficulties. Expats with pensions, or UK house rented out etc.

Yep, right PITA.

Barclays UK are currently going through that process.

saraclara · 26/10/2022 10:31

NextPrimeMinister · 26/10/2022 10:08

Who leaves the country and does zero admin on any of their affairs?

Whatever you do, dont give him the tenancy back without understanding where it leaves you.

It's only been a year. If it's an account for emergency funds when they're here, there's no reason for him to look at it. My UK based aunt had an account in Australia where she used to travel to every two or three years to see family. She had no need if it in between.

OP the very least you could have done is all your parent what to do with the bank and doctors letters, rather than unilaterally return them. You say he "didn't ask for them" well as he didn't know you had any, why would he ask?

My DD left home five years ago. I still get letters occasionally from banks and institutions for her. I wouldn't dream of just returning them 'not at this address'. I tell her they're here, and she'll either tell me to open them and bin if necessary, or pick them up when she visits. And she contracts them to change the address.

Soontobe60 · 26/10/2022 10:34

Brigante9 · 26/10/2022 10:03

Not your problem, he’s dropped the ball. I hope they aren’t staying with you? I can it becoming long term if they need to find somewhere to live.

Not correct. OP said she sent the letters from the bank addressed to him BACK to the bank. That’s why they closed his account.

AlisonDonut · 26/10/2022 10:35

I still have a UK bank account with my new french address, and they even sent me a new debit card here a couple of months ago.

The main issue here is him getting rid of or not updating his mobile phone number to continue to get access, again I still have a UK mobile phone but have updated my bank to a new French one.

I would have forwarded his mail to him though.

lentilly · 26/10/2022 10:35

He's an adult he should have taken responsibility for it himself.

Brigante9 · 26/10/2022 10:37

Soontobe60 · 26/10/2022 10:34

Not correct. OP said she sent the letters from the bank addressed to him BACK to the bank. That’s why they closed his account.

Show quote history

But it was to him to re-direct post and inform the bank that he’d moved. Again, he dropped the ball. Who moves and doesn’t re-direct post/check their accounts?

Obki · 26/10/2022 10:40

5foot5 · 26/10/2022 09:53

TBH I think the only thing I would have done differently is I wouldn't have opened their letters or sent them back to sender. I would have kept them and every week or so package them up and sent them on - with perhaps a covering note saying please change your address or terminate your contact with these people.

Are they living with you again?

No way, international mail is expensive.

However, I would have warned them that I would be returning all mail to sender.

He's fucked up and blaming a woman of course.

SoupDragon · 26/10/2022 10:40

Did you actually speak to your father about the letters?

serenghetti2011 · 26/10/2022 10:41

Your dad sounds like a right tool. If you had done the same and blamed him I wonder what he’d say.

it’s not your responsibility in the slightest. It’s his I mean what grown man blames someone else for them not dealing with their own finances. I don’t ask anyone else to help me, I change my details if I move or number if I change it. As consequences are on me. He clearly wants someone to blame. Don’t let him. Horrible person blaming his own daughter for his own mistakes

Obki · 26/10/2022 10:41

Brigante9 · 26/10/2022 10:37

But it was to him to re-direct post and inform the bank that he’d moved. Again, he dropped the ball. Who moves and doesn’t re-direct post/check their accounts?

Show quote history

I don't think UK high street banks will send your mail to you internationally?

He should have kept on top if this via online banking.

Prem1erePass · 26/10/2022 10:42

The only person responsible for his bank account is himself

Secondly, he could have paid to have his post redirected for a year to another address via the Royal Mail

Or he should have left clear instructions about what he wanted you to do with his post

Do not take any blame

saraclara · 26/10/2022 10:43

SoupDragon · 26/10/2022 10:40

Did you actually speak to your father about the letters?

Exactly. If he didn't know they existed, how could he ask for them?

Returning them to sender made no sense at all. That's for when you don't know the whereabouts of someone. The least that she could have done is say "dad, I'm getting mail for you from the bank. What do you want me to do with it?"

billy1966 · 26/10/2022 10:45

serenghetti2011 · 26/10/2022 10:41

Your dad sounds like a right tool. If you had done the same and blamed him I wonder what he’d say.

it’s not your responsibility in the slightest. It’s his I mean what grown man blames someone else for them not dealing with their own finances. I don’t ask anyone else to help me, I change my details if I move or number if I change it. As consequences are on me. He clearly wants someone to blame. Don’t let him. Horrible person blaming his own daughter for his own mistakes

Absolutely this.

He sounds awful.

Don't be used.

If he gets abusive, call the police and have him removed.

HE has messed up NOT you.

Keyansier · 26/10/2022 10:45

I agree with the minority of other responses on here. Returning mail back to the bank saying you don't know where this person is when you knew full where he was and didn't bother mentioning it to him once is borderline spiteful. I'd be annoyed too.

saraclara · 26/10/2022 10:45

serenghetti2011 · 26/10/2022 10:41

Your dad sounds like a right tool. If you had done the same and blamed him I wonder what he’d say.

it’s not your responsibility in the slightest. It’s his I mean what grown man blames someone else for them not dealing with their own finances. I don’t ask anyone else to help me, I change my details if I move or number if I change it. As consequences are on me. He clearly wants someone to blame. Don’t let him. Horrible person blaming his own daughter for his own mistakes

He wasn't asking her to deal with his finances. And he didn't know the letters were coming to the house, because she didn't tell him.

Damnautocorrect · 26/10/2022 10:46

He’s projecting as he fucked up.
ultimately it’s his fault

serenghetti2011 · 26/10/2022 10:48

So? If someone else had lived in the house they would’ve been returned too. It’s his bank account he would know what the status of that is - as far as op knew he had online banking. This is his responsibility. He could’ve asked if anything had come for him, he could’ve changed his address or closed the account himself. But clearly their is debt or issues and he’s stuck his head in the sand and buggered off abroad and now wants to blame someone else.

Theraffarian · 26/10/2022 10:48

Banks are in the process of closing down accounts for people with EEA country addresses , there are some exceptions which is why the letters that go out advising the account is likely to be closed are so important.

However OP your father is a grown man and as such the onus was on him to change his address and keep updated about these developments himself .

I however feel in a similar situation when my children's post still arrives here after they have moved out , I send a quick message to let them know it’s here and offer to undo and send a picture of it via WhatsApp if it will be a while before I see them. I wouldn’t undo otherwise , definitely wouldn’t return as gone away or destroy .

Your father hasn’t lost the opportunity to have a U.K. bank account , however he will need to have actually moved back to the U.K. first and have proof of his permanent U.K. address .

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 26/10/2022 10:51

Why would you even ask? Surely you know it’s not your fault. Does he manipulate you? Just have as little contact as possible but make it clear he’s the one who has fucked up.