Father blames me for closing his UK bank account

[Nindaelita]

Ok bare with me cause this is really making my anxiety come back and I'm just so stressed since they've arrived I can't even sleep properly. There's more to this than just an accusation that's why my anxiety has come back.

My father and his partner after living in the UK for many years decided to leave last year to go back to their home country and eventually retire there. The problem is my father left an opened bank account in here with some left over money to pay off any debt (I don't know amounts) and was not in contact with the bank at all for a year, (he said he was but I doubt it).

I use to live with them so after they left the house the tenancy contract was put in my name and I still live at the same adress. For a year after they left I've received countless of letters in their names that they didn't bother to ask for, nor cancel them by informing banks, NHS, GPs etc that they were no longer living here. Which I found wrong since their place in the GP could go for another local person for example.

Eventually after a couple of months of opening their letters, I decided to send letters back with "return to sender" since they no longer had any intention of coming back to the UK.
A month ago they announced that things are becoming really bad back home in terms of jobs and rising prices so they want to come back.
They said they would come for around a week this month to check how things were doing over here ( not very good, prices are sky high as well) and apparently they are fixed in coming back again. No problem with me, it's their decision.

Now here's the problem, since they arrived my father went to the bank and found out his account was closed and is now not allowed to open any other with them.
I have no idea about the details, if he owed money, if it went on overdraft and the fees and the inactivity made them close his acount, I have no idea. He doesn't tell me things properly. The bank told him that they've sent letters to my adress prior to closing it and that's where he came to me and pointed his finger.

Bare in mind after he left the country he had online banking (his words) so he could easily contact the bank and keep his acount checked every day.
Now because he was so fixed in not coming back he tro away his UK mobile number, the one that was linked to his bank account, which apparently unabled him to access his online banking again.

I am absolutely stressed cause he now says that I ducked up his credit score along with his name with the bank because I didn't keep his letters and didn't inform him they wanted to close his account! What the actual duck???

Please someone tell me I am not crazy and this whole ordeal is because he didn't take responsibility for his affairs?

I think you should have told him you were getting a load of letters for him and asked what he wanted you to do. If he didn’t respond in good time, doing what you did would be more than reasonable.

Unless there’s some huge backstory, it’s not clear why you wouldn’t say anything rather than just deciding that the fact he hasn’t proactively asked for them is enough for you not to bother.

He does sound pretty disorganised and it’s definitely not your responsibility to manage his life, but unless I actively disliked someone I can’t imagine not just mentioning all the post.

He'll have to open a new one then.

And if there was something questionable about how he left the state of the last one he had - well he will have to deal with the consequences of that.

I agree. If it was just a previous tenant/flatmate that I had no relationship with, of course RTS. But I wouldn't have done that to my dad after just a few months. Did you tell him you were RTS his post?

No need to do anything with the letters other than put in a box unopened and let him know they are stacking up.

What's done is done though. RTS the letters was possibly the catalyst for the account closure and I would apologise for being hasty on this part, but ultimately it his responsibility.

I use to live with them so after they left the house the tenancy contract was put in my name and I still live at the same adress.

Through him you have effectively acquired a home. I would have forwarded the mail or, at the very least, told him it was there and kept it for him.

I wouldn't have returned them with "no longer at this address" the way one does when it's a stranger. You knew perfectly well where he was.

Did you tell your dad you were getting letters for him? He's your dad, not sn unknown previous tenant. It seems strange to me to just RTS rather than putting them aside for him or reminding him to change his address / "go paperless" with the bank.

I wouldn't have sent letters return to sender for my father, unless I had explicitly spoken to him and said I was going to do that. You said they weren't coming back but they clearly are planning to after less than a year. Poor communication on both sides.

Adult him.
Sort his own shit out and tough luck.

I think h remember you posting earlier where you were unhappy that you had to scan letters to your father . I found that a bit mean spirited. If you just stopped scanning it and then just returned everything to sender , you have caused this.
Was it really that big a job to do once a week for your father?

"He wasn't asking her to deal with his finances. And he didn't know the letters were coming to the house, because she didn't tell him."

If he had not contacted the bank to make alternative arrangements then where else would they be going? He should have kept on top. If he wanted his daughter to do stuff he should have asked.

He messed up not you. I have had similar with BiL who lived with us for over a year. When he moved we contacted him every time something arrived and kept asking him to change things and later asking if he had tried to change things. After a long while I started to return to sender as I didn't think he was actually bothering. I didn't want letter from companies house etc coming to my home and having his address with them as ours. My DH then made sure to intercept the post before I saw it and keep contacting his DB.

Your dad is a selfish git. Stay well away

You have both messed up. He is more responsible because he should have made proper arrangements before he went away. But if you started putting return to sender/no longer living at this address on his post and didn't even tell him that it existed then that's quite mean and spiteful, though not illegal. You should have told him it was still being delivered and asked him what he wanted to do about it.

What agreement did you have about what he wanted done with his post?

Tell your father to job on. You're not his fucking PA and you should tell him that.

100% agree. Why would you do that, and to your own father!

I have seen this message appear on my online bank, once I had logged in

Please confirm your name & address

Please confirm that you are a UK resident

He should have sorted his stuff out before he left. Who doesn’t deal with their banking online in this day and age? You’re his daughter, not his secretary!

I think you should take responsibility for this as you sent his bank letters back to the sender indicating that you had no contact with the person named on them and didn't have a forwarding address.
The bank would have to freeze or close the account due to potential fraud.

I do find it weird that you knew the address was your Dad's base address in the UK but didn't communicate with him about his mail you just sent it all back.
I'm not surprised he's pissed off, I would be too.

That said, you should have had a plan for this before he left, did he want you to open his mail and communicate the contents to him so he could deal with it? Did he expect you to let him know weekly what had come through addressed to him etc?
A lack of communication has brought this issue

so your father left no forwarding address? But had the foresight to xfer tenancy agreement to you - 🙄☘️

Given OP says 'Eventually after a couple of months of opening their letters, I decided to send letters back with "return to sender" since they no longer had any intention of coming back to the UK.', I would give OP the benefit of the doubt that she was opening letters and discussing them with her parents.

They did nothing, so I don't think OP has responsibility here at all.

Did you have a thread running a while back about this? I think the consensus was that you should box up all your fathers post and leave it for a time he could come and sort it. It's really not your job.

He has only himself to blame.

You don’t say why you didn’t tell your father that you were going to send the letters back to senders. I think if you had given him warning that you were fed of receiving his mail still, then you would be absolutely not at fault, but if he’s had no warning that you were just returning all his post to sender then how was he supposed to sort anything out?

I’m struggling to understand why his banking has got anything to do with you tbh. And that’s what I think you should tell him.

He’s a grown man. He should take responsibility for his own (in)actions.

You’ve done nothing wrong OP.
Your father should have informed the bank and everyone else (GP, utilities, the creditors you alluded to) of his new address and phone number.
You can’t just move internationally, ditch you phone and then blame someone else for your idiocy.
You were right to start marking mail as RTS after a few months.

I have bank accounts abroad and have been abroad with bank accounts here. You have to be proactive about keeping your address and contact information as well as tax residency and so on up to date. And even when he could not access his online banking due to chucking his phone(idiot) he could still have called them and done an identify verification process and then updated his contact info for his account(s). As I have had to do that upon occasion when the bank updates the security systems and someone fat fingers my phone # in so the two factor authentication fails. It’s a lame excuse and quite clear he didn’t even try.

I think you should take responsibility for this as you sent his bank letters back to the sender indicating that you had no contact with the person named on them and didn't have a forwarding address.

Thats not what RTS indicates. It merely indicates “not at this address”
There is literally no legal or secure way for anyone to contact a bank and give them a forwarding address for someone else’s accounts.

No one should need a “warning” from their own child to sort their shit out when they’ve moved abroad. The acting of moving abroad triggers the need to redirect mail and update addresses and contact information.