To say no to giving lifts

[Floating101]

New member of staff recently started who lives relatively close to me. One of the bosses told her to ask me about lifts and ask for my phone number! She doesn't drive, has to cycle to the station. I really don't want the responsibility and commitment of getting someone else to/from work. I'm often nipping here and there straight from work and then there's timings as well, I tend to be in early/out early. I don't mind the odd one off if she's stuck but really don't want it to be regular. I've said this (awkward conversation) but it came up again recently about the winter, how dark/cold it will be so I think she will ask again.

Am I being unreasonable to stick to my guns and say no? I feel a pang of guilt about it but she must have known the commute would be a pain when taking the job.

She is absolutely not your responsibility, so stick to your guns. I work at the same place as my neighbour and love the drive on my own, its calm/relaxing me time so would never offer to take her. She does actually drive though and had suggested we share the drive. I declined. I also tend to shop on the way home or pick up DS. You are not a taxi service. I understand the guilty feeling but really dont feel bad. Presumably she is an adult and like you mentioned was aware of the commute before taking the job.

I think it’s rather unfair of management to put this on you. Yes they knew about the commute and presumably are fine about cycling in. Perhaps offer
once in a while if they are really stuck or it’s awful weather.
How would they have managed otherwise?

She is not your responsibility. She took the job knowing how she would get there. Do not feel guilty and stick to your guns

I don't drive (failed many tests and currently no money to continue learning before the pile on starts). I have a bike, legs and access to (fairly rubbish) public transport.

i took my new job knowing the transport costs in both time and money and would never ask colleagues for lifts. I am responsible for me.

I used to give a work colleague lifts - I had to drive past her house
When I was interviewed for the job - she was one of the ones interviewing me and I am sure that is the reason why I got the job!
She would give me £10 a week
But.... she NEVER stopped talking - from the moment she got in the car - going to work I would get a minutely detailed breakdown of her previous evening - what their dinner was like including details of clearing up (!) and then on the way home details of what she was going to do that evening
It lasted a year then Covid struck
My advice - don't start!

God no , once you've been part of an arrangement like that you'll have no problem in the future saying a definite no
I'd tell my boss never to put me in that situation again

No, YANBU.

She took the job knowing the commute was difficult and I assume with no expectation of a lift because she’d not know a colleague lives nearby. Dark cold commutes are her problem.

There are loads of threads about these arrangements and they always end up with the lift giver waiting around, getting moaned at if they want to do something else one night, and generally with the lift recipient treating the lift as an expectation and not a massive favour. It sounds like your potential lift recipient has started at the “treating the lift as an expectation” end before it has started! Say no without guilt.

PS and if you feel able, tell your CF boss to stop volunteering other people to do favours. If they want to help this person out, they can give them a lift.

Fine to say no.

When I was teacher training I was told I had to give another trainee a lift. He was always late and made me so stressed and we'd both get told off by the deputy head. I have never offered lifts since!

I gave a neighbour a lift for a few months, until I left, and it was the biggest mistake EVER. She smelled, never stopped talking and asked to borrow money. I gave her £20 then spent weeks, WEEKS asking for it back. She gave it to me in shrapnel. I wish I had had balls to tell her I couldn't do it anymore but what to say? "Sorry, your incessant talking and boiled onion smell makes me want to stab you with my ice scraper"?

No, they knew where the job was when they took it.

Just say no, it doesn’t work for you.
I wouldn’t do it. They are an adult and should be capable of getting to work and back in the winter.

Well done for saying no and please KEEP saying no.

You are the one paying for the car, the insurance, VED, MOT, tyres, petrol - she doesn’t get to reap the benefits of that!

Your management are bastards.

I don't drive (can't even be trusted with a supermarket trolley so it's for the best ) and would never expect lifts from colleagues or friends, nor would I ask because it's really fucking cheeky! Stick to your guns and refuse to feel guilty about it, the phrase 'I really can't commit to that' should cover it if they ask again. And I'd be having a word with whoever suggested you could/should do this, you are entitled to a life outside work and they had no business offering you out as a taxi service.

Stick to your guns Op & keep saying no.

Stick to your guns OP.
I get the train to work (once a week), but would absolutely hate to have to use that time to chat to someone. I literally think it would make me ill! I like that time and space to myself.
I used to cycle to work - I did it every day for 5 years, and managed just fine through bitter winters, so dont feel guilty about that.

I might offer if it was pissing it down, snowing, after school plays /parents evenings, maybe at the end of term if she has loads to take home or if she broke a leg or something but not every day, not having to coordinate when you leave and having your space invaded. She didn't know you existed when she took the job and must have thought it was doable.

When I was still working, a car share scheme started and I flatly refused to be part of it. Sometimes I would use flexi time to leave early and a couple of times I wasn't well and also left early, that would be awkward if giving someone a lift in and out of work.

One person was coerced by a manager into giving a colleague a lift to and from work, she didn't drive and it was too far to cycle. For all the journeys she benefitted from the lifts, she never uttered one word and never said thank you either. She didn't last long fortunately, so the lifts stopped.

Point out to your boss that he shouldn't have been sharing your personal information.

I mean that's a very good point

I work in a city centre large office, circa 2000 people. I know of at least 3 people who drive by the end of my street to get on the motorway. All these people I would consider either friends or close colleagues iyswim. I would never dream of asking them for a lift to work even though I take the train. It's not their responsibility to get me to work.

Not cool.

I give two people a lift to the office once a week, one of them works near me and it saves her paying parking and the other works in my office and as our free parking is limited I take her in. However, I send a message the night before confirming that I can/can’t take them, so it’s still treated as an adhoc arrangement so there’s no expectation.

If I was you I would say you usually do stuff on the way home from work but will text her if there is ever a day you can - then when you know her a bit better and can judge if she’s really annoying or not, you could text her if it’s going to be particularly bad weather or just occasionally to help her out if you want to.

Your last paragraph is awful, you should be ashamed for that

Just say that you don't go straight home most nights