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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say no to giving lifts

74 replies

Floating101 · 26/10/2022 08:22

New member of staff recently started who lives relatively close to me. One of the bosses told her to ask me about lifts and ask for my phone number! She doesn't drive, has to cycle to the station. I really don't want the responsibility and commitment of getting someone else to/from work. I'm often nipping here and there straight from work and then there's timings as well, I tend to be in early/out early. I don't mind the odd one off if she's stuck but really don't want it to be regular. I've said this (awkward conversation) but it came up again recently about the winter, how dark/cold it will be so I think she will ask again.

Am I being unreasonable to stick to my guns and say no? I feel a pang of guilt about it but she must have known the commute would be a pain when taking the job.

OP posts:

blippi123 · 26/10/2022 10:32

Do not get involved with this

Giving lifts always becomes an inconvenience eventually

I speak from experience

Colleague is not your responsibility

theemmadilemma · 26/10/2022 10:43

Nope, I'm sorry I wouldn't do it for someone, nor would I ask someone to do it for me.

It's too much of a commitment and restricts the person giving a lift.

billy1966 · 26/10/2022 10:53

Your boss is extremely cheeky to do this.

You are not obliged to do ANYTHING outside your core hours.

If your boss is so concerned, they should do it.

I think it is perfectly reasonable to say "I would prefer you didn't offer my services out to other staff. I am entitled to my privacy".

My son had this recently with his boss asking him to work late and drop a new colleague 20 minutes out of his way...in my car🙄. A part time job too🙄

LondonQueen · 26/10/2022 11:08

Do not start with lifts! Once you do it's really hard to get out of, I had this with an ex colleague who thought because she didn't drive everyone who does should ferry her around. It was a nightmare as she was often late, but would ask if we could leave work early as she had to get DC from school.

KAT0779 · 26/10/2022 11:12

The most annoying thing about this is that one of the bosses asked her to ask you about lifts, implying that its something you would want to do. They definitely shouldn't have put you in that position. My advice would be to say no, I've given lifts in the past and as others have said, I've been late for work due to waiting around and can't go anywhere else straight from work as it ended up being a commitment.

I used to drive past a colleague's house and he asked me if I could pick him up and drop him off which became an everyday thing, our office premises moved which meant that I didn't even turn in the same direction when I left my road so I politely told him I wouldn't be able to give him a lift any more as I would be going completely out of my way. He didn't take it too well, and then one day when I had no car as it was in the garage, I made my own way to work and asked him for a lift home (even though he wouldn't be passing my house but it was a one off) he refused quoting that I said I wouldn't be passing his house, even though when I did pass I gave him a lift to and from work for about 2 years for free!

1994girl · 26/10/2022 11:16

Definitely not, I've been there done that and it becomes extremely annoying, especially when they don't give you any fuel money. Stick to your guns.

jelllycats · 26/10/2022 11:23

Absolutely not. Stick to your guns! It's her issue not yours. I would really hate this, a colleague used to ask for a lift a few times but she'd always fanny on and never be out the door on time, therefore I told her I'd started taking a new route to/from work which was quicker for me (it was a lie) as I had enough of it, so best not to start it. It's the only time of the day where I get quiet time to myself before I pick DS up.

Queenofheart · 26/10/2022 11:26

Firstly I think it's totally out of order your boss has told her to speak to you about that, it's not up to them whether you offer this.

I have this exact same scenario, new girl, lives literally two minutes from me, I've said to her I don't mind giving her a lift home now and again if I'm going straight home but not to expect it as I sometimes do errands, also, I sometimes don't offer as I don't want her to rely on me.

I've also told her I will not give her a lift in the mornings due to my coming in at different times, frankly I don't want to commit, so I never have done a morning lift.

She's understanding of this.

What do you mean relatively close? Do you have to go out of your way at all, I don't, I literally drop her on the road side.

Butchyrestingface · 26/10/2022 11:26

You have a boss problem.

Greydogs123 · 26/10/2022 11:29

If it were me and they brought it up then I would reiterate my reasons for not being able to commit to something regular, but I would offer if the weather was looking bad.

CulturePigeon · 26/10/2022 11:33

I think it's best to be clear-cut about this - just say it wouldn't work for you due to errands on the way and the return journey. If you say you'll help out in emergencies, you'll be doing it very frequently.

She shouldn't expect a lift from anyone - and it sounds as though the manager is the one to blame here.

LookItsMeAgain · 26/10/2022 11:34

100% agree with @Butchyrestingface . You definitely have a boss problem.

They shouldn't have suggested that your colleague speak to you about possibly extending lifts as they know nothing of your circumstances outside of the time that you work for them.

I think you need to have a very calm conversation with your boss about how they have handled this. If you were best friends since they joined the company, the chances are you would have already made the offer and it would be in place but you're not and it isn't nor will it ever be in place. I can't even find the right word to explain just how overstepping the line the boss was in making this suggestion. It has put you in a very awkward position and you do not appreciate it.

The manager could have approached you separately to test the waters on whether you would be open to the staff member approaching you to ask if you agreed to think it over, but they didn't even do that.

If the staff member can cycle to a train station/bus station/wherever, they have transport to and from work and anything above and beyond that is not your issue to resolve. The staff member could pay for a taxi. Your employer could either get staff a corporate discount on a regular public transport commuter ticket (like tax back or something) or they could engage a transport company to run buses for their staff in inclement weather conditions. I'd say neither of these are likely to happen.

Just not your issue to resolve.

Kissingfrogs25 · 26/10/2022 11:35

I would not offer her a lift even if the weather is awful. It is awful every day December to the end of February and can snow all the way through to April.

Rod and back spring to mind. You will have no autonomy to go out for work or do other things, gym, supermarket, see a friend. Just say you aren't reliable due to plans changing daily and can't help.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 26/10/2022 11:49

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

balalake · 26/10/2022 12:06

Politely say no.

I agree the manager should have spoken to you first.

Crimeismymiddlename · 26/10/2022 12:23

As a manager I expect my team to be adult enough to be able to get to work. I have never heard of a manager volunteering an employee to ferry about another employee. Keep saying no-these conversations should be awkward, for them not you as it is so rude to put an adults travel on someone else.

Dogtooth · 26/10/2022 12:27

Actually I think you're being unreasonable. You're driving a great hunk of metal around at cost to the environment, with minimal inconvenience you could make that choice slightly less selfish but you can't be bothered because you'd have to talk to someone else.

I'd set out rules like you're not hanging around if she's late, if you need to do chores then she'll have to lump it etc, but I do think you're being unreasonable to not even give it a go.

Devoutspoken · 26/10/2022 12:32

They'll stay fitter if they cycle

MRSE20 · 26/10/2022 12:39

Your boss is a quite cheeky for putting this on you. The least they could of done is pull you in for a chat and ask you before telling new colleague to ask you for lifts and phone number.

YANBU. You do need to put your foot down. Your reasonings are enough and you don’t need to feel bad or guilty for saying no. This colleague took on this job knowing they didn’t drive, knowing how far they’d have to commute. It is not your fault or issue at all.

LadyVictoriaSponge · 26/10/2022 13:04

As an aside I would absolutely hate it if I was waiting at the bus stop and a friend or neighbour stopped to offer me a lift, I love a bus ride! and would feel obliged to accept as it was done out of thoughtfulness, a bus ride gives me the opportunity to zone out and have a bit of a nose at peoples houses and gardens and generally watch the world go by, I wouldn’t like to have to make polite conversation and pretend to be grateful for a lift I really didn’t want.

billy1966 · 26/10/2022 13:19

You would be well within your rights to ask your boss what is the mileage rate exactly now that he is asking you to use your car on behalf of the company.

So rude and cheeky.

Tangofandango · 14/02/2023 01:19

All those saying “but it’s only a 5 minute drive” don’t you realise that’s about 2-3 miles? So the OP is driving potentially an extra 6 miles on top of her journey home from the hobby?

Tangofandango · 14/02/2023 01:20

Doh zombie thread!

catfunk · 14/02/2023 17:26

Absolutely not your problem.

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