Aibu to ask you to talk to me

[MoneyMeAndAdhd]

I’m in a terrible state. I’ve had the biggest ptsd trigger in years and I’ve had a complete meltdown. Self harm, suicidal thoughts, sobbing etc. I was fine earlier and haven’t felt like this for such a long time but now I’m an absolute wreck.
The trigger is to do with one of my dc and I don’t think he realised how upset I was but I need to calm down, try to sleep and then act rationally about the situation in the morning.
Please can you talk to me as I am curled up shaking and feel utterly destroyed by this.

I'm here

Hello @POTC 👋

I'm here to talk too @MoneyMeAndAdhd

It all feels like the end of the world and I want to die but I KNOW that’s just the trauma talking. I just need to calm down and I’ll feel better in the morning. It’s just so hard.

I feel out of control of a situation involving one of my children and it’s triggered a catastrophic reaction. I honestly have had such a fun day and then suddenly I am completely broken. I feel sick and can’t stop crying.

Hi @LondonQueen 👋

It's huge that you are able to recognise it's the trauma talking, I bet that's taken hard work on your part so you should try to feel good about that

You are making huge progress by being able to recognise that it's the PTSD telling you these things. Your children are safe and happy, and need their mum.

I’ve worked so hard in therapy and I’m shocked at how bad I am this evening. I’m still having therapy but it’s sporadic now. I didn’t realise I had this much trauma left in me. I am so scared

You’re doing great OP - just focus on calm breathing and focusing on how much better you will feel by the morning as the emotions clear and you can think more logically.

It’s totally the ptsd but I don’t feel I can handle the situation with my son because it has set off such an awful reaction in me. I’m an absolute mess. I’ve not been like this for over 3 years.

The self harm wasn’t bad at all. I’m not really hurt. I was just so overwhelmed and screaming and running into the road (which is what I wanted to do) wasn’t a realistic option!

This isn’t a regular username so I wonder whether it might help to actually talk about what happened? Or shall I just try to calm down?
I want to just disappear and make the pain stop

Sit up straight, breathe deeply and slowly in through your nose then out through your mouth.

Do that while counting to 50 in your head, keep the breathing deep and slow. Close your eyes.
Try it now.

Focus on the here and now op.don’t try and figure out the whys or how’s when your mind and body is on fight or flight.your not functioning enough to be rational right now.
ground yourself back to the presence.
sit or lie.hand to heart and other to stomach and do some deep slow belly breathing.
on the in breath feel the belly rise.
mom the out feel the belly deflate.breathe right from the tummy jot from the chest.
feel what’s around you.feel where your feet.knees.bum.back are rested against.
keep coming back to thenhere and now

Can you arrange to speak to that therapist tomorrow?
You are doing so well, please don't focus on a slip up and forget all the progress you've made

I’ve drafted an email to send to my therapist in the morning.
i also need to somehow sort out the situation with my son. I know I am a great mum but right now I feel he’d be better off without me.

I’m doing the breathing now @BMW6 @kateandme

I really sympathise. I have ptsd too and I know what you're experiencing.
I've had EMDR which I highly recommend over any other type of therapy for trauma.
I find the app Breethe quite helpful. It has breathing exercises specifically for panic attacks but I find them good when I've been horribly triggered also.
You'll get through this just as you have before 💐

You said you haven’t been like this for 3 years - that’s AMAZING. You are so much stronger than you’re giving yourself credit for. This is a blip, just a moment in time.

Well done for drafting the email. You’ve made so much progress, please don’t let this situation as it is right now undo all your hard work 💐

Another hand holder here x

Just breathe, take it steady, we've got you.

Thank you @Weatherwax13 I have had emdr which has worked extremely well.
This trigger is tied in with a real worry about my son and so it’s taken me by surprise.
I feel so out of control in the situation which is a big part if the trigger.

My fear is that my children will be taken away. It felt very brave to write that down.

Pleased you've written the email, as for telling us what happened only you can know whether it would help but if writing the email did then I'd think talking it through here could too

just to clarify, that fear is directly related to the ptsd not the current actual situation.

I already feel better I think. I need some sleep but might be able to take half the day off tomorrow. I want a peppermint tea but I am still frozen in bed, although no longer crying.