To never stay at parents house again?

[MeowMeowPowerRangers]

Came to visit my parents for a few days with DC.

They have seem to have forgotten over the years how much hard work kids can be! Especially small children!

All I've had constantly is "be quiet DS6" "why doesn't he ever be quiet?!" He's just making quiet noises while playing not harming anyone! Becoming quite irate that he won't sit silently he's SIX for goodness sake!
He asks for a drink (quite important imo as he suffers with severe constipation) and I get "he doesn't need another bloody drink!" He asks for a biscuit at 7pm "you don't need one you had one this morning!"

This morning he was up at 10am, and they are loosing their rag with him wondering why he won't go to sleep at 8pm?!

AIBU to never stay over again? Still have a few more days of this and I just want to go home ughh! Apart from this I love my parents but I feel so uncomfortable and put off.

No, because people who are cruel & unreasonable enough to shout at small children for wanting a drink are not the kind of people who will take kindly to criticism.

OP's best bet is to Grey Rock her way out of there with diplomatic noises.
www.betterup.com/blog/grey-rocking

OP - you say there are no trains - are there coaches?
Or, if you have sufficient funds, could you decamp to a B&B until your return train?
If you can afford the B&B option, don't ask for permission, Just tell them it's happening, using polite phrases along the lines of what I posted upthread.
The PP urging you to engineer some kind of showdown aren't thinking it through. It;s not your job to educate your parents - it's your job to protect your child's wellbeing (& your own!) by getting the hell outta Dodge.

My parents live in a tiny one bed flat abroad - more posh studio. They suggested me and my partner stayed on their not a double size sofa bed for the full 4 days we were there. My partner is a bit big, ex rugby and 6ft 3. Despite us insisting we would book a hotel.

They decided to book the hotel at the one they work in. We got a room with twin beds, purposely on opposite sides of the room. My parents said they preferred it this way as we couldn’t get up to no good - not even joking.

We are in our 40s, lived together for years in our own 2 bedroom flat they have stayed in. Do they think we have a room each!!!

Awful behaviour.
I would be gone.

Write down how you feel and keep it in your phone so you can revisit the emotions if you think of going up again.

I wouldn't dream of staying over again.

How stressful for you both.

Agree.
I’ve been in this situation many times. I’ve taken opinions 1,2 & 3. We’re still working things out but the grown up option has to work best. Good luck op.

Stay and say nothing and don't ever stay over again.

Tomorrow but your own snacks for you kids and when your parents fuss just say nooo it's okay they're growing children they're bound to be hungry...

Also spend alot of the day out if they're getting irritated

Have you actually sat down and had a proper conversation with them?
they are stuck in their own ways.stuck in their own routines.they only see you twice a year so have no idea of how he is,you are and your routines.
no they shouldn’t be acting how they are but your virtual strangers not knowing how to behave around each other.
sit down,mum,dad can you listen a minute… and try to get some diologue. You can be firm and have “a bit of a go” but also calm and adults.

and just tell them. He’s perfectly fine to have more biscuits.
he’s perfectly fine to sleep in. Not be tired yet.
he’s not making any invasive noises.
stop reacting to your gc like that. It’s not on.i won’t accept it .
are they totally inept at dealing with children on the spectrum? Can you help them with that. Help them understand his needs and actions.

Can you go home tomorow?
Make your excuses. Tell your parents it's just too stressful and you need to be in your Own home and then just go.
You can write after if you want.

We don't visit my parents. Nor the in laws. My parents were awful when DS10 was a baby. Lacking any signs of tolerance. DS now diagnosed with adhd. DD also likely to be.
My folks just can't cope. The noise. The emotions. The need for constant movement. The crashing into things. The lack of routine. None of it.
So. I just avoid it. Makes it much easier.

Turns out my siblings and I have had an unwritten 36h rule ever since we left school

We only went home for 36hours. That is about the Length of tolerance we have for them and they have for us. And this was before kids!!!!

Post kids I'd say the tolerance level is 24h max.

And as for my MiL. Well. She is better. But not great. I can manage a weekend. Just about!!!

Never have them to stay and never stay

meet somewhere neutral

Oh gosh. Now, I love my mum, but find visiting her with DS so hard: she moans constantly about things me or DS do. How untidy we are, using the hot water to wash our hands, how long I take to get dressed, whether DS puts on a coat or not. She shouts as her go to way of communicating with anyone (whether she is angry or not). She winds DS up no end According to her I am far too soft with him. Apparently myself and my brother were so well behaved and never fought or answered back (in fairness we were more scared of getting smacked). I think part of it is that she wants my attention all the time, but so does DS, which results in both of them talking at me at the same time and getting angry that I’m not listening to him. She’s quite determined that DS has some sort of neurodiversity: ie ADHD or autism because he has the odd tantrum: but the tantrums only happen when we are visiting her as she seems to escalate everything by shouting.. This time when we got home DH said that in the future we are only going for the day

oddly, we don’t have the same issue when she visits us: possibly as we have more space, and she gets waited on (in her house no matter what I do or don’t do, it’s the wrong thing)

it’s just so bloody stressful

Shouting at him, constantly telling him off.

I haven't even bothered to read the entire thread. This is fucking inexcusable. Stand up for your child and leave immediately.

Make whatever plans you can to leave and tell them why, protect your son

They are your parents op - why can’t you just be honest with them?

How is your upbringing op?.

my parents are like this. They love my kids but they think i’m too soft. My family are consider middle class here i think (i’m not british so i’m not sure). I remember i got lots things to do after school, very strict household. I have to do lots of extracurricular after school like tennis, horse riding etc.

no shouting, no running, no toys outside playroom, no eating beside supper and tea time and needs to be in the dining room.

so my parents think my kids are “too crazy” for them. But then again i live in here and my parents are in other country so i have more patient for them than you because we rarely meet.

Probably because there were equally awful to her growing up.

Get out of there OP. You need to have a line that can’t be crossed and refusing your son a drink has to passed the line.

Can you find a hotel, trave lodge or premier inn near where you will get the train home from? Get a taxi there.

Obviously there "oh no don't do that" with regard to a b&b is just an auto response. They're not prepared to accommodate your family, but then I don't know anyone who'd have house guests for more than one night. Definitely too much time to be stuck with guests.

Remonstrate with them every time ‘he’s not being loud, he’s being 6’ etc. Sounds like you’ve nothing to lose if their current approach means they won’t see you again.

You say there are no train tickets available, but can you get a coach/bus home instead?

I'd be trying to get home and cut short any opportunity they may have to reprimand their grandson any further. He is not there to be shouted at or being told no.

I would have observe them and when leaving say to them that you told DS "No" X number of times and to stop making noise Y number of times etc. He's only a child and is only burning off his energy. It would be best that if we do ever come back for a visit, we stay in the local B&B or find an AirBnB nearby so that we're not under your feet. You've changed over the years and having a very young child running around isn't working out here. Best we stay somewhere else next time. You're doing this for the benefit of your son.

That's what I would do.

Id go home early tbh, its not fair on your ds. And in future explain that he cant be out of his routine so they visit you and stay in a hotek/b&b, or you insist on staying in a hotel near by if you do go and visit them again

I'd just refuse to accept their reasons for why you shouldn't book a room somewhere else. Have your own reasons for why you need a B&B, repeat as needed and don't back down from your decision. Perhaps just tell them the truth, that you all need the option of some daily time and space away from one another, because they obviously can't handle having a young child around 24/7.

If summer visits work better, stick to visiting them only in warmer months, then they can visit you in the winter (and stay in a B&B).