Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never stay at parents house again?

95 replies

MeowMeowPowerRangers · 24/10/2022 21:06

Came to visit my parents for a few days with DC.

They have seem to have forgotten over the years how much hard work kids can be! Especially small children!

All I've had constantly is "be quiet DS6" "why doesn't he ever be quiet?!" He's just making quiet noises while playing not harming anyone! Becoming quite irate that he won't sit silently he's SIX for goodness sake!
He asks for a drink (quite important imo as he suffers with severe constipation) and I get "he doesn't need another bloody drink!" He asks for a biscuit at 7pm "you don't need one you had one this morning!"

This morning he was up at 10am, and they are loosing their rag with him wondering why he won't go to sleep at 8pm?!

AIBU to never stay over again? Still have a few more days of this and I just want to go home ughh! Apart from this I love my parents but I feel so uncomfortable and put off.

OP posts:
Laiste · 24/10/2022 21:22

Are they very elderly, OP?

My parents became very set in their ways and inflexible at the 70 mark.

My PILs however, are mid 70s and not like this at all! They love more noise and chaos with a house full of grand kids than any of us 40 somethings can stand 😂

TheUsualChaos · 24/10/2022 21:23

I think you need an honest chat with them and explain that if there are going to be any further visits then they need to be more tolerant.

Original poster
MeowMeowPowerRangers · 24/10/2022 21:24

They want to come for Christmas, but I'll be telling them no thank you. Think best to leave it for a year, just really pissed off.
It's only twice a year they have to deal with it, they moan when they don't see them yet seem to have a issue when they do. They aren't even old, so no excuse really.Confused

OP posts:
Obki · 24/10/2022 21:25

See when they come to stay with us I refuse and say no room need a b&B and it works out great! I say I'll come down and get an B&B and it's like "oh no we can't expect you to do that!"

Why can you refuse them staying at yours but can't refuse you staying at theirs?

Don't ask them, tell them what's happening next time.

And go and speak to then now to say the way they are treating you and DS is really upsetting and needs to stop now.

Hercisback · 24/10/2022 21:25

This is why a conversation is best, get it out in the open while it's not at total relationship ruined point.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 24/10/2022 21:26

I would just grit my teeth for this visit, and in future stay nearby and visit them for a few hours each day, or go for days out where everyone is busy and nobody is trying to unwind.

ChrissyPh1 · 24/10/2022 21:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ as it's the work of a previously banned poster.

SimonaRazowska · 24/10/2022 21:28

How old are they?

My parents and in laws found small kids too much to cope with from about mid seventies..

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 24/10/2022 21:29

Why don't they do something to occupy him, like play a game or read with him?

Snugglemonkey · 24/10/2022 21:29

You need to tell them that they need to back off. It is up to you to do any telling off at all and you to decide when and what merits it. Not them. They do not get to say if he can have a drink etc, if he asks them, their response must always be "did you ask mummy?"

I would be honest and say that it is making you uncomfortable and it is not fair to DS. It is your job to protect him. Maybe the length of stay is too long for them and a hotel is a good idea, with shorter stays going forward, but exposing your son to constant criticism is so bad for his self esteem and mental health.

If you frame it in your head as a kind of violence, it will be easier to put up resistance. It is every bit as damaging, perhaps even more so than physical violence.

Poppasocks · 24/10/2022 21:31

Are you me?

This is why I only stay at my parents 1-2 nights max once a year. You have my sympathies

Original poster
MeowMeowPowerRangers · 24/10/2022 21:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ as it's the work of a previously banned poster.

Unfortunately he's not like most 6 year olds. He's waiting on a autism assessment, he's never needed as much sleep as an average child his age. I said I will put him to bed with his iPad and watch a film before lights out at 9.30 but no they wanted him to sleep NOW.

The biscuit thing fair enough, but you'd of thought he'd been snacking and drinking
all day the way they say it.

OP posts:
TheUsualChaos · 24/10/2022 21:34

Any routines you might have at home is always knocked out of the water if you go and stay somewhere. You can't be surprised at a 6 year old not sticking to their normal bedtime etc when they are staying at grandparents house that they only see a couple of times a year.

If they can't put up with a bit of noise and change of their routine within reason then they shouldn't invite DGC to stay 🤷‍♀️

escapingthecity · 24/10/2022 21:35

This sounds like my parents. My dad actually said 'little boys should be seen and not heard' to DS when he was 2. I absolutely do not have the guts to take what would otherwise be my own advice of telling them that their constant telling off kids for not being adults puts us off going to stay. So we just don't go and stay that much. My DPs are not self reflective enough to make the connection between the way they behave and the fact we see them a lot less since we had kids.

Original poster
MeowMeowPowerRangers · 24/10/2022 21:36

TheUsualChaos · 24/10/2022 21:34

Any routines you might have at home is always knocked out of the water if you go and stay somewhere. You can't be surprised at a 6 year old not sticking to their normal bedtime etc when they are staying at grandparents house that they only see a couple of times a year.

If they can't put up with a bit of noise and change of their routine within reason then they shouldn't invite DGC to stay 🤷‍♀️

Exactly what I'm thinking.
Honestly I just can't wait to go home, next time they ask us to visit I'll just be making excuses. Last year I only visited once in the entire year and now I remember why!

OP posts:
ChrissyPh1 · 24/10/2022 21:36

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ as it's the work of a previously banned poster.

Oysterbabe · 24/10/2022 21:37

You need to have a proper conversation with them. Make it clear what you are unhappy about.
My dad isn't like this but we still prefer a hotel when we visit. Do this in future.

Original poster
MeowMeowPowerRangers · 24/10/2022 21:38

No I'm not downplaying how loud he is, because he's very loud at home but here he's actually quieter. The room they let him play in unfortunately has an echo - so he sounds a lot louder than he is.

OP posts:
PinkSyCo · 24/10/2022 21:39

God they sound awful! Could they be depressed or something? Either way it isn’t fair on your DS to allow this to continue. I would tell your parents that as they are obviously finding your child difficult to cope with, for the sake of you all, you will be leaving asap and would not be staying again until your DS is a bit older.

GettingItOutThere · 24/10/2022 21:42

i would go stay in a hotel. One family member of mine tried to correct my youngest behaviour with a "stop or i will smack your bum". That comment was followed with a "touch my child and that will be the last time you ever see them".

yes extreme but shouting at them is just as bad, I would leave and find a hotel asap. Unfair on your child or you.

Snowpatrolsnowpatrol · 24/10/2022 21:43

I probably wouldn't bother saying anything. They don't sound like they would take it on board so you'd end up having a disagreement and nothing will change anyway so what is the point?

I was in the same situation where I visited and my kids were supposed to have an on and off button. They are quiet kids but they couldn't do anything right and apparently I couldn't either. They either went to bed too early or too late. They got up too early or too late. They ate too little or too much. They spoke when the tv was on. They were on tablets too much. They spoke too much or too little. It was so stressful.

I didn't enjoy going there myself anyway so I stopped going there. We now visit for one day and its a four to five hours round trip. Its a long day but its a great deal better to sit in the car for hours than sit in the house waiting for the complaints and being made feel very unwelcome.

BatshitBanshee · 24/10/2022 21:44

Goodbye, see ya later, sayonara, happy Christmas see ya next year. I'd be out of there so fast OP, your poor son being chastised like that and you being made to feel inadequate too. They sound awful. Would they treat any other guest like that or are they just picking on you because you're still a kid to them and LO can't answer back?

Laiste · 24/10/2022 21:47

The room they let him play in unfortunately has an echo - so he sounds a lot louder than he is.

What's this, the garage?

Sorry, black humour, but you need to accept this isn't going to work any more and just put all your energy into making the rest of this stay ok for your DS and yourself and know it's not ever happening again.

Go out for the day somewhere tomorrow. Let him let off some steam at a local park and feed the ducks of something x

marmaladepop · 24/10/2022 21:48

Sounds like they want to live up to the 'grandparent ideals' but in reality simply can't cope. Not fair on your 6yr old though. Stay calm but leave early, then maybe tackle the problem at a later date/over phone. Good luck.

Jeanstable · 24/10/2022 21:50

Poor DS, they’ve forgotten what young children are like. I don’t know why they can’t cope for a couple of days! It’s not like they have to live with the noise. My DParents can be like this, tell everyone how wonderful their grandchildren are but then complain whenever they behave anything less than perfect. I would tell them that you’re tired of the nitpicking. He’s 6!