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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that it is ok to jump the queue when with an infant?

504 replies

Eole · 24/10/2022 19:42

DH, DC (3 months) and I were flying for the first time today to see family, long expected break!
We had booked priority, lounges and everything we could to relieve a bit of the stress.
Priority queue was quite long to check in luggage and we started queuing nicely.
Another mum came along and told us we could jump the queue which we did gladly as baby started stirring a little bit.
However it enraged some of the people in the queue, literally shouting that it was very out of order and that was no such thing as baby class, and what is wrong with you people etc.
Interestingly, every other step in the airport (security, customs, boarding) we were invited nicely by the staff to jump the queue.

So YANBU, of course you can jump the queue when with an infant
YABU no, you should queue like everyone else

OP posts:
GoodnightGentleBoris · 28/10/2022 13:13

Quisquam · 28/10/2022 12:35

I don’t think that’s really fair, as a parent of a baby I certainly think that someone with a disabled child needs the priority spot more than I do. I can’t see that anyone could argue otherwise really

OP was in a priority queue for check in - why did she think other people had paid for priority? For all she knew, every person could have had their own reason, such as they had an invisible disability, a child with an invisible disability, etc. Yet, she didn't ask anybody else if they minded her going to the top of the queue - she thought she was entitled to take priority over everybody else, because she had a baby. One baby is not that hard - as I have posted previously, we had twin DDs, and I used to wonder what people with a singleton did all day; and why they made such a big production of it?

You said that “people with babies think…”. I am saying that not ALL people with babies think that.

On a separate point, just because you had twins doesn’t make anyone’s experience of a single any easier. Everyone has their own barometer of hard to easy which isn’t altered by anyone else’s experience.

JanetSally · 28/10/2022 14:23

Magnoliamarigold · 28/10/2022 13:11

Wow. So now OP barged past disabled people, trampled on some toddlers and sat on top of the check in desk shouting and demanding to be checked in first...

I think you're being a bit of a drama queen. All people are saying is that, given it was a priority queue, there were probably several people whose needs were greater than a couple travelling with one small baby.

havanamama · 28/10/2022 14:42

Random stranger told the OP that she can skip queue, and she used it as an excuse to do so. 🤷‍♀️

Quisquam · 28/10/2022 16:30

On a separate point, just because you had twins doesn’t make anyone’s experience of a single any easier. Everyone has their own barometer of hard to easy which isn’t altered by anyone else’s experience.

I had DC1, aged 6 and I bf the twins. I was so tired that:

  1. I could only sign my name on a cheque - any writing beyond that was too complicated for me
  2. I could not count out coins in a shop - the arithmetic was too complicated for me
  3. I could only drive locally until 12 noon - I was too tired after that
  4. I could not drive on motorways at all - the speed of traffic was too much for me

As DD1 had SEN, all her life I have been asked questions like "when did she say her first word?" or "when did she first put two words together?" I have to say, I don't know because I was too tired to notice. The first 18 months was a blur.

GoodnightGentleBoris · 28/10/2022 18:19

Quisquam · 28/10/2022 16:30

On a separate point, just because you had twins doesn’t make anyone’s experience of a single any easier. Everyone has their own barometer of hard to easy which isn’t altered by anyone else’s experience.

I had DC1, aged 6 and I bf the twins. I was so tired that:

  1. I could only sign my name on a cheque - any writing beyond that was too complicated for me
  2. I could not count out coins in a shop - the arithmetic was too complicated for me
  3. I could only drive locally until 12 noon - I was too tired after that
  4. I could not drive on motorways at all - the speed of traffic was too much for me

As DD1 had SEN, all her life I have been asked questions like "when did she say her first word?" or "when did she first put two words together?" I have to say, I don't know because I was too tired to notice. The first 18 months was a blur.

That doesn’t make anyone else going through their own challenges feel less tired though.

Quisquam · 28/10/2022 18:40

That doesn’t make anyone else going through their own challenges feel less tired though.

You must be a man? Of course it does - it makes you far more tired. I was not so exhausted with DC1, I couldn’t write, or drive or count out money. DD1 woke up to feed; by the time she had finished and got back to sleep, DD2 woke up, needed to feed and took time to go back to sleep; by which time DD1 woke up again to feed - 24/7! Then there is twice as much washing; twice as many nappies to change, more backache from constantly picking two out their cots, putting them in car seats, getting them out of car seats and carrying into the house, etc all the while, supervising DC1 as well. It’s like doing a double shift of your job, simultaneously 24/7!

GoodnightGentleBoris · 28/10/2022 19:09

Quisquam · 28/10/2022 18:40

That doesn’t make anyone else going through their own challenges feel less tired though.

You must be a man? Of course it does - it makes you far more tired. I was not so exhausted with DC1, I couldn’t write, or drive or count out money. DD1 woke up to feed; by the time she had finished and got back to sleep, DD2 woke up, needed to feed and took time to go back to sleep; by which time DD1 woke up again to feed - 24/7! Then there is twice as much washing; twice as many nappies to change, more backache from constantly picking two out their cots, putting them in car seats, getting them out of car seats and carrying into the house, etc all the while, supervising DC1 as well. It’s like doing a double shift of your job, simultaneously 24/7!

what an earth are you talking about? Why must I be a man?

my point is that you being tired doesn’t make me less tired

to go back to the original point - you said: “One baby is not that hard - as I have posted previously, we had twin DDs, and I used to wonder what people with a singleton did all day; and why they made such a big production of it?“

plenty of people with one baby find it hard and that’s absolutely fine, it doesn’t make a “big production”

bluebird3 · 28/10/2022 19:20

I guess it depends on what the airline policy is but shouting is a ridiculous reaction. Maybe some eye rolling at most. Travelling with babies is hard and if it's made slightly easier by going to the front, I'm not small enough to deny people that tiny pleasure.

I bet they won't be jealous of you when you're trying to have a wee, while the baby is strapped to your chest in a sling, or when you realised.your shoulder is covered in snot or when you can't eat or drink because you don't want to disturb the baby is who finally napping after screaming for 45 min straight due to being overtired and out of routine.

PeachyPeachTrees · 28/10/2022 20:04

We went long haul flight recently and saw a lady pushing another in a wheelchair and they had priority. We went on a trek in the rainforest and those ladies were there too. My outspoken Dad said hey didn't I see you in a wheelchair in the airport? They said yeah and laughed. Now this pisses me off not someone with a baby getting priority when offered.

sheepdogdelight · 28/10/2022 21:57

PeachyPeachTrees · 28/10/2022 20:04

We went long haul flight recently and saw a lady pushing another in a wheelchair and they had priority. We went on a trek in the rainforest and those ladies were there too. My outspoken Dad said hey didn't I see you in a wheelchair in the airport? They said yeah and laughed. Now this pisses me off not someone with a baby getting priority when offered.

What a massively ignorant comment.

Plenty of people that might need to use a wheelchair in an airport but be able to get by in other settings. (My DD and my mum are two of them).

PeachyPeachTrees · 28/10/2022 22:04

sheepdogdelight · 28/10/2022 21:57

What a massively ignorant comment.

Plenty of people that might need to use a wheelchair in an airport but be able to get by in other settings. (My DD and my mum are two of them).

Show quote history

The BIG difference is your Mum needs a wheelchair, these ladies didn't. They laughed and admitted they fake it at airports to get priority. The trek in the rainforest we did was over 5km in 36 degrees and high humidity. We walked along long thin wobbly bridges and up steep inclines, no one who needs a wheelchair could possibly do this, it was physically hard work.

MummyBear2cubs · 29/10/2022 21:23

I'm sure many of those complaining would be pissed at having to listen to a screaming baby for ages so they should keep quiet- in Spain we got sent to a separate queue for border control (just for those with infants much shorter) with an 18 month old pissed people off but they didn't have to spend the entire flight trying to entertain someone else and are heading for a relaxing holiday no such thing when you're taking a baby!

Whatthehello · 29/10/2022 21:46

What? Of course you shouldn't jump the queue just because you have a baby.

Quisquam · 30/10/2022 08:03

my point is that you being tired doesn’t make me less tired

If you have one baby, the mother can sleep when the baby sleeps. Say I breastfed DC1 in the night, he’d sleep even if it was only 45 minutes a time, and I was woken up every hour. With two, I’d feed both; but DD2 fed for 10 minutes and slept for 2 hours. Meanwhile DD1 fed for an hour and a half, then just got to sleep, when DD2 was waking up for her next feed. You do get more sleep with just one, and you are therefore more tired if you have two. Like I said, a mother of twins is doing twice as much physical work - changing twice as many nappies, doing twice as much washing, carrying one at a time out to the car twice, etc.

I don’t know why you find it hard to grasp there is twice as much physical work, and less sleep. After all, I had DC1 first and can judge the difference. One baby is a doddle, even when woken up every hour like I was with him, by 6 months.

Maggiethecat · 30/10/2022 08:45

I wouldn’t be too bothered because I’d probably be sympathetic to the dramas of travelling with a baby.

I do however get worked up over the people who try to quietly slip in front of you pretending that they’ve not seen you in whichever queue it is.

MrsDoyle351 · 30/10/2022 08:48

Wow - no you don't get to queue jump.

Suck it up. You will be for the next 18 years anyway - might as well get used to it

MrsDoyle351 · 30/10/2022 08:51

they didn't have to spend the entire flight trying to entertain someone else and are heading for a relaxing holiday no such thing when you're taking a baby!

No - and equally no one is forcing you on a foreign holiday with a baby. Plus - so what?

GoodnightGentleBoris · 30/10/2022 10:36

Quisquam · 30/10/2022 08:03

my point is that you being tired doesn’t make me less tired

If you have one baby, the mother can sleep when the baby sleeps. Say I breastfed DC1 in the night, he’d sleep even if it was only 45 minutes a time, and I was woken up every hour. With two, I’d feed both; but DD2 fed for 10 minutes and slept for 2 hours. Meanwhile DD1 fed for an hour and a half, then just got to sleep, when DD2 was waking up for her next feed. You do get more sleep with just one, and you are therefore more tired if you have two. Like I said, a mother of twins is doing twice as much physical work - changing twice as many nappies, doing twice as much washing, carrying one at a time out to the car twice, etc.

I don’t know why you find it hard to grasp there is twice as much physical work, and less sleep. After all, I had DC1 first and can judge the difference. One baby is a doddle, even when woken up every hour like I was with him, by 6 months.

Of course I grasp that having children results in less sleep than having one Confused

But the point you fail to grasp is that you can only go by your own barometer of how hard something is. Plenty of mothers of one are sleep deprived enough that it doesn’t make them feel less tired to hear that someone else with two children is more tired! You’re still the same level of tired, it doesn’t change just because someone else has less sleep!

NormaTheWife · 30/10/2022 11:27

MrsDoyle351 · 30/10/2022 08:51

they didn't have to spend the entire flight trying to entertain someone else and are heading for a relaxing holiday no such thing when you're taking a baby!

No - and equally no one is forcing you on a foreign holiday with a baby. Plus - so what?

I have to agree here. Some things may need to take a back seat for a while but many people say "Oh there is no way having a baby will make any difference to our life" until it comes to reality...

toor · 30/10/2022 13:05

MummyBear2cubs · 29/10/2022 21:23

I'm sure many of those complaining would be pissed at having to listen to a screaming baby for ages so they should keep quiet- in Spain we got sent to a separate queue for border control (just for those with infants much shorter) with an 18 month old pissed people off but they didn't have to spend the entire flight trying to entertain someone else and are heading for a relaxing holiday no such thing when you're taking a baby!

No one forced you to go on holiday that required a plane with an 'angry' toddler

Quisquam · 01/11/2022 07:39

But the point you fail to grasp is that you can only go by your own barometer of how hard something is.

No, I just don’t agree with you. I’ve had a singleton and twins, as did many in my twins club. So, I can compare experiences. Have you actually had that experience; or are you just talking off the top of your head?

I flew yesterday; and we had to go through security three times after massive queues, for two flights - we had to go through security again, after a massive queue for passport control, at our destination airport. I can see why people get fed up of queuing!

GoodnightGentleBoris · 01/11/2022 08:15

Quisquam · 01/11/2022 07:39

But the point you fail to grasp is that you can only go by your own barometer of how hard something is.

No, I just don’t agree with you. I’ve had a singleton and twins, as did many in my twins club. So, I can compare experiences. Have you actually had that experience; or are you just talking off the top of your head?

I flew yesterday; and we had to go through security three times after massive queues, for two flights - we had to go through security again, after a massive queue for passport control, at our destination airport. I can see why people get fed up of queuing!

omg your comprehension skills are terrible

no I cannot compare having twins because I haven’t had them and that’s literally my whole point. I was very tired from having one baby and I didn’t feel any less tired because someone else had twins instead.

that’s the whole point - you can’t understand how tired someone else is and you don’t feel less tired because someone else feels more tired!

so you saying that parents of one child making a big deal of being tired shouldn’t, because you had twins so we’re even more tired - that’s not fair. It doesn’t make those parents any less tired!

JanetSally · 01/11/2022 08:19

This thread is becoming derailed.

BillyBigot · 01/11/2022 08:22

Quisquam · 01/11/2022 07:39

But the point you fail to grasp is that you can only go by your own barometer of how hard something is.

No, I just don’t agree with you. I’ve had a singleton and twins, as did many in my twins club. So, I can compare experiences. Have you actually had that experience; or are you just talking off the top of your head?

I flew yesterday; and we had to go through security three times after massive queues, for two flights - we had to go through security again, after a massive queue for passport control, at our destination airport. I can see why people get fed up of queuing!

It's not a competition love. And your experience is your experience. Not someone else's.