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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be a bit pissed off about ILs response to pregnancy announcement

79 replies

Algor1thm · 24/10/2022 15:24

3 years ago, we announced we were pregnant with baby #1, a year after our wedding. I was 29, husband 30. In laws acted like we'd blown their minds and not in a good way. Within an hour after telling them, they had asked if the baby had been planned and weren't we worried that we didn't own a home yet?

Fast forward to now and I asked my husband to tell them about pregnancy #2 on his own, because I suspected they might be rude again. I've only heard the conversation via him, but he always gives them the benefit of the doubt, so it's likely what he told me is actually nicer than what they said. Apparently they seemed 'happy but surprised' and asked again if we'd been trying (inappropriate?!) Also mentioned that we'd 'have our hands full' and brought up the cost of living situation and whether this was the best timing. They passed on their congratulations via DH but haven't messaged me or anything since to say it personally. We now own our home if that makes any difference.

They adore our older child so part of me hoped they'd be pleased with another grandchild. They don't have any other grandchildren and probably won't after this. We're not asking them for money or babysitting or anything, so I'm not sure why they aren't just happy.

They're very middle class (much more so than my parents) and had their kids in their late 30s/40s. Most of their friends' children are well into their 30s without kids yet or are late 30s and just having their first now. I think they find it embarrassing that we had kids so 'young' (I'm 32, DH 33 🙈).

AIBU to be a bit pissed off at dealing with this judgement as a married woman in her 30s? They're making me feel like a teenage mum.

OP posts:
pollyglot · 25/07/2023 00:20

On our telling MIL that our second was on the way, she stomped off, saying "Bloody kids...can't get away from them"...they had looked after our first, aged 6 months ONCE while we went to a movie, and behaved like martyrs. Vile woman.

MrsFunnyFanny · 25/07/2023 04:09

When I told my mother I was expecting twins, her only comment was “oh no”, as if it was a terrible thing. I was 34 years old, with a lovely husband, and we owned our own home.

WandaWonder · 25/07/2023 04:44

If people show no interest they are judged, if they pass on congratulations but not actively do anything they are judged, if they do too much it is overbearing and they are trying to control they are judged

Why do they need to do anything?

When people start expecting others to act or behave a certain way are people ever just happy with that?

LadyBird1973 · 25/07/2023 07:51

The social norm is to say congratulations if your adult son or daughter is announcing pregnancy that they are clearly happy about. It's also normal to show some interest in your grandchildren.
I'll add in not telling your child that you didn't want them!

Most people can manage these quite simple things and if they choose not to, frankly they deserve to be judged!

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