To expect DH to do a full night with baby

[BigMama32]

DH works long hours at a high pressure job, out the door by 6am home again 1730/1800. We have a LB who’s 4 months and struggling a bit with his sleep at the moment. So, Sunday to Friday I do the full nights so he can rest and then he gets a lie in on Saturday. The trade off is he does Saturday night and I get a lie in on Sunday,

every Saturday night I end up having to come out of the spare room and intervening. I’ve tried ignoring but DH gets pissed off with baby not sleeping and left him hungry, crying, alone in the nursery and told me he was about to “lose it”. I told him to immediately leave the room and I took over.
the next feed the sand night again from the spare room I hear LB screaming and DH getting angry again. I come out make the prepare his milk, calm LB down while hosannas steps out and then hand him back to my husband and go back to bed.

He gets 8hrs a night 6 days a week, I just want one night to rest. Husbands response is well you didn’t have to step in which resulted in ab argument.
However, I don’t feel I could have not intervened, as I can’t sleep through my LB crying anyway.

AIBU?

And I’m betting he was like this before you had a baby with him.

Why have a child with someone who ‘has a temper’ sometimes you only have yourself to blame for the shit situations you end up in

Of course it’s not unreasonable for you to expect one nights sleep when he’s getting 6 a week. However I wouldn’t be leaving my baby with him when he’s threatened to lose it. Maybe go back to bed during the day when he can take baby for a walk instead of during the night. No that’s not fair but I wouldn’t trust him and people can and do snap, not worth the risk

Bollocks. I have a high pressure job that takes me out of the house for similar lengths of time, and I still manage to do the vast majority of the night wakes as I'm breastfeeding. If I can do that 7 days a week for months on end, he can do one night a week. Or is he exempt, because he's a man?

Oh, not just a man @MolliciousIntent - a MINTED man.
They're all exempt.
Why would you behave decently or Do Parenting when you can outsource all that drudgery to a woman? Or become so "volcanic" that you scare your wife into doing it for you?

It's truly sad that despite my Big Job and Thoroughly Adequate Paycheck, my vagina denies me my capitalism-given right to throw a big ole tanty whenever I want in order to get out of raising my own children.

@MolliciousIntent it's your own fault. Stop blaming the nice capitalists. You are simply not volcanic enough in your tanty. Do try harder, the patriarchy isn't going to fix itself you know.

The imagery of volcanoes on this thread has coincided with my first post-copper-coil period and I am struggling to resist the opportunity to be startlingly crass.

It's been 2 years op and DH still hasn't done a night shift 😬.
If he hasn't done a full one yet, I doubt he will.

I think I love you Mollicent & want to have your babies.
I won't look after them though, I'm too magnificently volcanic.

Well I'm happy for you to have them, but I'm not looking after them either. My high pressure job is too important. Maybe we can hire a night nanny. Apparently that's a thing real people do.

What a lot of ridiculous twaddle!

@Nosleepforthismum Thank you, although hard to hear thank you for giving me your opinion respectfully, and some food for thought.

@WooWoox2 Wow. As I have said previously I came for genuine advice, not unkind judgement. Your words offer no advice or helpful insight. I sincerely hope that when approach people with a problem they have more empathy for you than you have shown

As expected

he had a temper before you had your DC.

Sometimes you need to take personal responsibility for poor choices.

@Conkersareback thank you, dear god some of these responses have nearly driven me to tears!

@WooWoox2 temper yes, reasonable temper - go bonkers when he had a car crash, when he got scanned out of money. Yes quite right, did I EVER expect him to be angry about a lack of sleep due to baby - no. I’m not an idiot!
Please leave this thread and take your high horse with you, I really do hope you have more kindness extended to you when you find yourself up said creek without a paddle

Hurrah! We're back to properly celebrating capitalism, & the joys of not-parenting Being Minted brings. Phwoar, you've made me all ready to start on the baby-making ...

Hey OP - apologies for derailing a bit by taking the piss with Mollicent. You know it's not mocking YOU, right? Ignore all the victim-blaming PP's, AIBU's a bear-pit for them.

Unfortunately my dear you'll have to wait 5 to 7 days for the volcanic consequences of my shrewd contraceptive choices (yknow, cos babies & Big Jobs don't mix) before we can get down to the business of creating an income stream for some hapless hired woman.

My husband has never been able to settle the kids at night as he doesn’t have patience either (he doesn’t get angry though so that’s a bit of a red flag, but his impatience isn’t very calming!). I would worry about the baby at such a young age, they need to be calmed and soothed at night.

A weeks annual leave so he can do 6 nights in a row and practice.

@KettrickenSmiled thats ok gave me much needed laugh, particularly @MolliciousIntent volcano/coil situation!

yes, learning AIBU is a bear pit!

Op me and DH have the same issue. DH droves for work Mon- Fri so needs the sleep more then I do as it wouldn't be safe for him to drive, I only work three days a week from home. I used to ask him to do a night on the weekend but I wake up anyway when LO crys and DH finds it hard to settle her, DD just wants mummy and is used to mummy settling her at night and DH would just get stressed so I would end up taking over. I was fighting a losing battle.
So now I do all the night get ups, however on a weekend DH will now get up with DD in the morning so I can sleep in, also if I want to take a nap on the weekend to catch up on sleep he will take her so I can rest.
I promise it does get easier and they eventually start to sleep longer through the night and this is coming from someone that hates been woken up.
If your current system isn't working then you need a new plan that both are you are happy with.

@Howappropriate thank you that’s actually a really good idea

@Goingforplatinum thank you, that’s so reassuring to read. A new system is deffo needed

That’s horrible for you. I think as a new mum hearing your baby cry regardless of any advice or sleep you may need your natuRal response will always be to go to your baby.

i have a 14 month old and my husband and I split nights but when our baby was very young we did something similar. My baby only felt comfortable with me and screamed her head off when my husband took her for a few hours from 3/4am to allow me to sleep. I found it very difficult but most times slept through it bcos I needed it.

my husband was great. Made sure baby was fed, warm and would even walk her up and down for hours to keep her happy. He never lost his temper.

like you said your husband gets full nights sleeps most fo the time so that fact that he can’t handle one night for his baby is appalling.

you are not being unreasonable and he needs to grow up. Send him a link to this chat