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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish I had a friend I could text every day?

113 replies

1234a4321 · 23/10/2022 20:05

I wish I had a friend I could message regularly (like every day) just to chat inane rubbish to. Like what are you making for dinner, what are you up to today, sending silly screenshots of stuff - that kind of thing. Sometimes I feel so lonely and isolated and so miss a bit of superficial chat! Is it unrealistic to think any other mums would even have the time for this? Does anyone else feel the same?

OP posts:
doingitalllagain · 23/10/2022 22:33

This is interesting because I actually cut off an old friend this year because of this. She would text every day with just idle chit chat and I found it a bit too intense. If I didn't reply she'd send question marks because she would of seen I'd been online. She always replied within a few seconds so I had to go online sometimes and not reply or I'd never do anything else! When it came to trying to meet up she was always busy, or skint and then when I had a late miscarriage she text me how she wished she could be there for me. You can! Just get in the car! It just wasn't a real life friendship, it was purely text/online and surface level and I can't imagine anything worse. I'm a face to face friend and can go weeks without texting but love you all the same when we do meet. So yes, these people are out there. But its definitely not everyone!

chargeback · 23/10/2022 22:40

I'm a face to face friend and can go weeks without texting but love you all the same when we do meet.

Me too! I shower people with love in person, but I have very little to give texting wise.

KimberleyClark · 23/10/2022 22:40

No I don’t think I could handle being constantly texted with an expectation of a reply. I do have friends, good friends but we don’t text every day.

sweatervest · 23/10/2022 22:44

i had a friend who used to text me every day and it drove me bonkers tbh. "good morning". wtf. i don't even look at my phone until late afternoon. (work and i haven't got the energy to look at it in the morning).

maybe it's a phone thing you've got going on? watching tiktoks takes up 23h 59m of my days so that's always a gap filler (to me)

Original poster
1234a4321 · 23/10/2022 22:46

Ha ha - I don’t think I’d be the sort of person to send question marks if people didn’t reply! I just crave some regular friendly chatter and banter. I have tried sending a few lighthearted texts to current friends, but people don’t tend to reply unless it’s an invitation out. I’m aware that everyone is very busy.

OP posts:
UnicornsDoExist · 23/10/2022 22:47

1234a4321 · 23/10/2022 20:18

On second thoughts I wouldn’t describe myself as isolated (despite stating that in my OP!) I do have friends who I see every three or four weeks or so. We all have young kids so it’s hard to coordinate.

The issue is that I wish I had someone to talk to more regularly, like every day. I do have DH but it’s not quite the same as chatting with fellow mum friends.

If it makes you feel any better, that’s more than I have!

Vaccine001 · 23/10/2022 22:53

Makemedoit I have tried to PM you but wasn't able . PM me for my number 😃

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 23/10/2022 23:00

i totally get what you mean, OP. I have a friend like this - we just have a constant rolling WA chat which is general nonsense. Sometimes serious stuff, granted, but mainly it is like we are having a never ending coffee together. We live in different parts of the UK and also “watch TV together” sometimes - again, pretty nonsense-y stuff like Love Island and Strictly.

I have different chats with other friends, which ebb and flow, but I swear this one got me through that first lockdown.

MightyOaks · 23/10/2022 23:00

You can message me, OP! I have nobody at all since losing my partner. Not even any family besides my 7 yr old.

MightyOaks · 23/10/2022 23:01

Anyone in North or West Yorkshire??

MightyOaks · 23/10/2022 23:01

Makemedoit · 23/10/2022 21:32

Ok anyone want a small WhatsApp group? Happy to organise it if you pm me your numbers? We can text stupid stuff all day

I'm in!

MightyOaks · 23/10/2022 23:02

I can’t send PM's on the app. Can you pm me please and I'll get an email which I can then reply to 🙏

poshme · 23/10/2022 23:03

Well OP hold on- you never know when you'll find the person.

I felt like you a few years ago- and now I have a friend who I message/call a lot.
Hardly ever see in person. But we are now close friends.
Take a chance. Start the conversation. Maybe she feels like you and is desperate for someone to make the effort...

user1471457751 · 23/10/2022 23:08

Does it have to be mum friends? What's wrong with befriending people who don't have kids? If you want more friends it's best not to limit yourself unnecessarily.

MyneighbourisTotoro · 23/10/2022 23:14

I know how you feel I’m very isolated, we moved across the country around 7 years ago and I’ve not made any friends, I do love rurally but I also have autism so I find it really difficult and I’ve never connected with any of the school mums so I’m just on my own all the time, obviously I have my children and my husband but it would be nice to have a friend.

Happyunhappy · 23/10/2022 23:20

I don't like testing but prefer to phone however my closest friend never rings me and if I ring her she's always in a rush to get off the phone! I'd love it if we qcould have a weekly catch up call but daily texts would drive me insane. Not much help really sorry!

Wisterical · 23/10/2022 23:31

I unexpectedly fell in to that sort of texting friendship about five years ago and it’s been wonderful, I was especially grateful for the regular inconsequential chatty texts during lockdowns.

We met at a couple of events in real life and swapped numbers then realised through our first, very occasional, texts that we made each other laugh and were both night owls. So now most late evenings we have a catch up, occasionally during the day too, chat about politics, our families, work (we both wfh doing similar stuff), bit of gossip, and grumbles about life generally.

I see her as a dear, close friend although we only see each other maybe a couple of times a year.

The trick has been not to take it personally if either of us doesn’t get in touch for a few days, that’s absolutely fine too.

I hope you do find someone to text chat with too OP, it’s lovely and sometimes I’d have been quite lonely without it.

autienotnaughty · 24/10/2022 05:55

Makemedoit · 23/10/2022 22:27

No one has sent me their number yet 🥲

Sorry I fell asleep. I've pm you.

ToastAndBeans · 24/10/2022 06:06

Anyone in NW England?

oopsfellover · 24/10/2022 06:22

I have a friend I message most days, and it’s nice, but that style of communication has evolved over many years in a way that suits us both. I don’t think daily messaging is something you could contrive with someone as that risks unbalanced expectations.
But…Yanbu to feel that way, and I hope you do find something that suits your need.

Cuppa2sugars · 24/10/2022 06:23

I wouldn’t mind inane chatter on wattsapp, so long as I can reply in my own time and not have the phone glued to my right hand in order to keep some needy friend constantly fed with the crap.

I have a friend (who isn’t going to last much longer at this rate) who phones me every evening and has at least a 2-3 hour chat ! She just hates being by herself and is having a horrible time with a personal crisis.

i’m a strong person and just don’t need somebody all the time, perfectly happy on my own, and I would hate to think that I’m looking needy and weak to anyone, wasting their time. Probably all stems from my childhood, and not having siblings or parents around much.

tin hat slapped on my head, ready for the back lash 😁

Burnt0utMum · 24/10/2022 06:43

@ToastAndBeans I'm in the North West. Where abouts are you?

AntiqueFlowerRing · 24/10/2022 06:52

YANBU - I have this with a mum who I met through preschool a couple of years ago (children of similar ages now at Primary and Preschool together). To be honest I didn't know I needed it until it happened, but it's great.
I don't think we message daily mind, but usually a good few times a week and send each other random messages/photos, etc.
I also do this with my mum, dad, DH - but I think having a friend like this is slightly different.
I haven't always found it easy making friends in life and it means a lot to me.

So no, I don't think you are being unreasonable in the slightest. However I can't offer any advice as it happened to me completely by accident.

FrogPool · 24/10/2022 07:04

@ToastAndBeans I'm North Yorks :-). Whereabouts are you?

Betahydroxybutyrate · 24/10/2022 07:12

I met a woman virtually on here in 2016. Initially we were texting a few times a week but it increased to daily. Now she is one of my best friends and we’ve only met in real life once. We text every single day. Sometimes it’s inane stuff but it’s also deepest darkest stuff too. We’re a bouy for each other.

I also text my sister every day too.

I feel extremely lucky to have these outlets and to be able to be there for them too. There’s never any pressure to reply. Sometimes it’s right away or could be the next day.