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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to write my next door neighbours a little note about their baby

67 replies

MarkStretch · 28/01/2008 07:34

We live in a terraced house.

Next door have a baby aged about 10/11/months. Our bedroom is at the front of the house and so is theirs. Baby sleeps in their room with them.

He cries. A lot. And we can hear it like he is in our room.

Last night he cried from about 10.30pm til gone midnight. Then 3.30 this morning until 5.30am. They don't seem to make any effort to comfort him, so he screams and screams for hours, non stop.

DP and I both work full time, DP works shifts and often has to get up at 5.30am. I am sympathetic to the fact babies cry, after all we are parents too but we are both losing hours of sleep listening to their baby crying.

Should we say something?

OP posts:

pooka · 28/01/2008 07:39

How do you know that they aren't trying to stop him crying?

I think it would be a bbiiiiiigggg mistake to write a note. What kind of outcome are you looking for?

LadyJogsAlot · 28/01/2008 07:39

erm... i'm sure they don't want to hear their baby crying either!

how long has it been going on for?

bambam30 · 28/01/2008 07:42

i dont thinh yabu- but i still wouldn't say anything as the mother of a lo i would have been mortified and very upset and even more stresses if someone had come and told me they were being woken by by my bambino thats just my opnion though i just remember feeling like a crap mom for not being able to stop him even when i tried and all i am saying is that your neighbour may feel the same

Original poster

MarkStretch · 28/01/2008 07:42

Months. And they leave him up there crying while they are downstairs at night. It just seems a bit odd to me.

OP posts:

slim22 · 28/01/2008 07:42

Don't expect you'll get many sympathetic responses.....
Know exactly how you feel but what exactly would you say?
What would you expect them to do that they are not already trying?

There used to be a couple in a flat with parquet flooring above us with a 2 year old little girl that loved running around in her mum's heels at unbelievable times.
Now that's the sort of thing for which there are solutions and they would unreasonable not to try.
But a crying baby? I think just telling them to sort it out it would just antagonise them.

Original poster

MarkStretch · 28/01/2008 07:43

Also you can hear when a baby is trying to be comforted, or picked up even, but nothing. Just screaming. You can't hear them walking about, talking to him, going downstairs.

OP posts:

Flllightattendant · 28/01/2008 07:46

Can you be sure they are leaving him to cry while they are downstairs? I would try and initiate a conversation, if you can sound sympathetic - you might find out wat is going on that way.
Perhaps one of them is upstairs while you can hear the other one downstairs.
It must be awful but I'm not sure what you can do except move...or change bedrooms yourselves?

slim22 · 28/01/2008 07:46

Sounds like they are practicing controlled crying.

Hecate · 28/01/2008 07:47

If anyone discovered a foolproof way of stopping a baby from crying they'd be bloody billionaires!!

Perhaps they are doing that controlled crying thingie you hear all these 'experts' going on about and writing books about. Maybe their baby isn't scheduled for contact until 07:03:32.

Flllightattendant · 28/01/2008 07:48

If it's been going on for months, it's obviously not working

Do they seem nice to the baby in other ways from what you can tell?

belgo · 28/01/2008 07:49

If a baby is left to cry every night for months on end, they generally give up and don't bother crying.

My dd1 cried those sort of hours, for months on end, despite the fact that we did everything to comfort her and refused to do controlled crying.

Thankfully we had very understanding neighbours.

slim22 · 28/01/2008 07:50

flightattendant, I was also thinking along those lines but that's a slippery slope.

yurt1 · 28/01/2008 07:55

I can't imagine that they lie in the room with him in there for 2 hours with him screaming next to them (3.30-5.30). Really it's not possible to lie for 2 hours with a baby screaming in the same room as you- unless you're a master of zen buddhism or something. I would not write a note as they will think you are an idiot if they are trying, but I would ask in a general way - ask if the babys teething or something. Or do a 'poor you I heard baby last night you must be exhausted' to the mother. You'll probably get the story then.

edam · 28/01/2008 07:56

ear plugs

hatrick · 28/01/2008 07:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Flllightattendant · 28/01/2008 07:57

Hard to know what to say isn't it slim?

Obviously heartbreaking to hear a baby crying but lots of them do cry, without being neglected.

hercules1 · 28/01/2008 07:59

Oh god, you are bound to make what is probably already a horrendous situation for them worse. What would it achieve by writing the note? I doubt there is a simple solution for them otherwise they'd have done it already. All that can happen is they feel even shitter.

hatrick · 28/01/2008 08:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

belgo · 28/01/2008 08:01

hatrick - a crying baby is very very stressful. How awful for your sister.

By far the most unreasonable case I have ever heard was when a friend of mine came out of hospital with her new born ds following a c-section. She had been home one night when a neighbour put a note through the door complaining about the crying.

Ever since then she's been stressed out about her children crying.

slim22 · 28/01/2008 08:01

I think best is probably what yurt said 07:55:22 or Edam 07:56:07

needmorecoffee · 28/01/2008 08:04

My dd has screamed every nigth for 4 years and its because she is brain damaged. There's nothing I can do about it and I haven't slept a night for 4 years. Have you thought that maybe they have a SN child and are at the end of their tether?
I know its annoying but its far more annoying for them. I bet they are shattered.
I apologise to my neighbours constantly and keep windows shut all summer (we're in a terrace too)
Last night dd screamed from 2am till 4am and started again at 7am. This was despite a sedative I gave her to shut her up.
I'm sorry you're getting disturbed sleep but if their baby isn't SN then you know it will end some day. If it is, writing a note will probably finish them off.
Have you made friends with your neighbours?

IndigoViolet · 28/01/2008 08:05

I've never let either of mine cry but there are some people who just leave their baby scream.

My cousin used to leave her 6 week old baby to scream for hours and hours every night (2 - 3 hours at a stretch) much to the annoyance and concern of their neighbours. One of them knocked on her door and asked if there was anything she could do to help and my cousin told her she was sleep training.

She also told her neighbours to buy ear plaugs as that what her dh and her did so they couldn't hear their daughter scream.

manamana · 28/01/2008 08:07

Would echo what hatrick said - could cause more problems if handled badly. When my ds was born we were living in a flat with 4 different sets of neighbours, he cried A LOT and quite a lot of the time I couldn't do anything to stop it. The worry about disturbing neighbours made me more tense and so probably didn't help to quieten hm. I would have been beside myself if any of the neighbours had actually complained as I was doing everything I could think of.
The baby will grow out of it eventually - maybe get some earplugs or sleep downstairs for a while - if you have any spare time to try and get friendly with your neighbours you'll probably find out a bit more about what's going on and you might feel a bit more sympathetic. Horrible though, I hate disturbed sleep.

slim22 · 28/01/2008 08:09

Good God, that "controlled crying" thing is completely beyond me. Breaks my heart!

ZippiBabes · 28/01/2008 08:09

i agree with yurt and edam too

i dont see how you can kn0ow which room they are in when the baby is crying to say they are ignoring it

it is quite possible not to have amy idea what is actually happening if you are next door

masybe you will feel less stressed if you know the neighbours better too

it is horrible when you are kept awake for whatever reason tho...and things do seem to play on your mind when you are lying there feeling irritsaable and frustrated you haver my sympathy

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