Getting 2 yo to finally drop night feeds?

[Palmtreesnwaves]

I could really do with some uninterrupted sleep so wondering if anybody had some advice on how to get a 2 year old to sleep through? No variations of CIO please, I’m not interested in those. We co-sleep and I’m woken about 4-6 times a night to bf.

You’re co-sleeping and breastfeeding multiple times through the night, of course you’re going to have to sleep train. Have you gone back to work? How are you functioning?

Do you have a husband? Could your husband sleep with toddler for a week or two to breaks the milk habit and then you could do some variation of gradual retreat. I have sleep trained all of mine without leaving them to cry.

Can I ask which of these facts you would be open to changing -

1. the location of where she sleeps ie with or without you
2. the provision of milk after teeth brushed at night

I’m also the mum of a 2 year old and I’m asking you these questions because I cannot imagine I would be able to function in either my parent role or my work role on that much interrupted sleep. I also cannot imagine my DD being benefitted by numerous night wakings and numerous milk feeds after teeth brushing at night. So it’s understandable that you are struggling - you’ve said you don’t wish her to cry - yet some degree of distress is likely to be inevitable when either 1 or 2 above is changed. So my question to you is - are you genuinely truly happy to change either or both 1 and 2? Because it would involve some degree of distress for her at this stage given what she’s now used to.

I think night weaning and cosleeping might be tough. For night weaning I’d start by letting LO having as much as they like the first night (time it) and halving it each night. But it’s for comfort at this point, can you introduce something that’s not your boob as a comforter?

Get your DH to put your 2yo down in a separate room.

@3WildOnes can u please elaborate on what was your method?
@PayPennies i’d be happy to stop co-sleeping and bfing altogether, but I don’t want a CIO method

My issue is that Dc doesn’t accept any other food/drink like bottles, biscuits etc. overnight. If I try to stop a feed half way through, it will only result in more wakings. If I’m trying to really avoid a feed and not give in, then there’s a strong chance it results in a complete waking, where we’ll both have to get up at some crazy hour like 3am and start the day like that.

Hey OP. My youngest is 5 but I went through this with him. Bottle and dummy refuser from day one, multiple night feeds until around 2.5. we tried a lot of things but ultimately did what you said in your last message. I stopped feeding at night, he did get up at all kind of times and fully wake. We did a lot of split nights and a lot of 3am starts. It was hard, but once the habit was broken it sorted out. He didn't sleep through til he was 4, but stopping the feeds was the single greatest leap in his sleep. Good luck!

@Juicylychee thanks for the sympathy, in RL nobody really seems to appreciate that it’s tough. I’m functioning because I have to but I could really do with a bit more sleep sometimes.

@sbhydrogen I don’t think my husband would be able to settle DC at night without a lot of distress. If there’s any way to gradually do the weaning myself, I’d prefer that.

My DP breastfed and we stopped the night feeds by me spending a week with DS in his room. Every time he woke up I read or sang to him. Wasn't CIO. After 3 or 4 days he stopped waking up multiple times, but his first feed of the day was pretty early for a few weeks.

A 2 year old doesn’t need anything overnight.

You need to get them into their own bed and just deny them the breast. If you’re happy like the other poster to have unbroken sleep for another two years at least, then crack on with the softly softly approach. Otherwise, there’s plenty of sleep training things you can do. Cry it out is one. Controlled crying is another. You might not like it but I guarantee your child will not remember it post the immediate time.

I still breast feed my 2.5 year old. Just after he turned 2 he started sleeping through. I didn't have to do anything. A couple of nights a week he will wake up (only once) and I nurse him back to sleep.
We haven't and wouldn't do CIO.

I just don’t understand why some women martyr themselves like this. A man wouldn’t! You just need to go cold Turkey, brace yourself for a few nights of hell but so so much better in the long term. This isn’t healthy for either of you.

Google the Jay Gordon night weaning method. It's designed for breastfeeding and co-sleeping.

@ChiefWiggumsBoy we didn't have another 2 years of no sleep due to a softly softly approach. We tried CIO and various sleep training methods but none of them worked for our child. He is actually being assessed for ADHD which could factor in. He started sleeping through himself at 4.5 but only sleeps 9 hour nights. All children are different in their sleep habits, just like all adults.

I bf mine when they were a similar age and we co slept. I found that getting them to sleep longer and bf less at night was firstly a developmental thing where by 2.5-3 they were sleeping longer naturally and to cut down on the night bf we offered toddler formula and a snack just before bed which filled them up a bit more

@captncrunch yes, whenever I half-heartedly attempted to wean it’s what you described, lots of split nights etc., which I’m dreading as it’s impossible to function like that properly, so after a couple of days I always went back to just bfing on demand overnight. I was just hoping there was some more structured method which could work.

I will add this was quite a few years ago, there was a toddler milk we used to get called goodnight milk by hipp but not sure it’s still available ? It was really good. They were very close in age so I had both in bed Co sleeping !

This.

The only way to do this is cold turkey and sleep separately. No offence op but I’ve never understood threads that basically read I want things to change without changing anything.
You know it will be a few nights of hell but children adapt and don’t remember being upset by it.

@MamaPriory thanks for giving me some hope, I wouldn’t want to do CIO or anything similar either.

@MadeForThis i’ll have a read, thanks a lot.

@FeelingsosoverysadThanks for the suggestion, I’ll try toddler milk maybe he’ll accept that. He doesn’t always have a big enough dinner which can make things worse, but sometimes even after a decent dinner he wakes multiple times. I hope I can find something to replace bfs.

@Liervik unfortunately, I can’t get childcare during the day, that’s why it’s hard to experiment with night time weaning, if it doesn’t go well, then I’m really knackered the next day. I feed to sleep at night, could possibly try and start there with the weaning. Thanks for the tip.

We used a type of gro clock. We set it so the owl on it was asleep for 10 mins during the standard first feed (e.g. 10pm) and said that the owl doesn't like being woken up by milk so we can't have it until he's awake. A few years but holding DC for 9 mins not a huge deal. Each night I increased the time, after 2 nights DC got the idea that the owl was asleep.and waited and started to sleep longer. Each night I'd add more and more time to the owl being asleep until DC had dropped all feeds and we went to just morning and evening feeds. The best bit about this was I could hold them and make sure they didn't feel abandoned, but also I could blame the owl for being unreasonable.

I am very aware that an owl being asleep all night is stupid but I didn't make the clock.

A few tears not years!

He isn't always eating a big enough dinner because you are giving him 4-6 meals through the night that he doesn't need 🙄
In case you weren't sure, yes it will now be much harder to break this habit than it would have been if you'd done so 12-15 months ago, and actually what would have been 2-3 nights of fuss will now probably be several weeks of trauma for your child having to give up a comfort he's come to rely on. Yep, your way is defo kinder than CIO at 9 or 10 months 👌🙄