Getting 2 yo to finally drop night feeds?

[Palmtreesnwaves]

I could really do with some uninterrupted sleep so wondering if anybody had some advice on how to get a 2 year old to sleep through? No variations of CIO please, I’m not interested in those. We co-sleep and I’m woken about 4-6 times a night to bf.

100%

It’s not meeting a need it’s creating one. An exhausted mother is no good to anyone and can be dangerous if driving etc.

This.

So ... I haven't read all of the comments, but I have seen a few very judgemental ones. Please be reassured that you are not causing a problem nor are you halting their independence. They will wean when they are ready and usually this is between two years and four years, but can be up until they are six or seven.

I recently had another baby and I tried to tandem feed but couldn't get on with it, it was just horrible. My eldest was boob obsessed until only a month or two ago, and he is going to be four soon. My second Abby helped me put the boundaries in place that I needed to in order to wean my eldest.

My recommendations for stopping night feeding without too much crying (I tried to go too fast with the morning wake and feed to sleep so I did have some tantrums, but I did then slow down)

Anyways..my recommendation ..is wear a t-shirt / clothing that they can't find their way into in the night and then don't get your boob out for them. Also talk to them, tell them that they are too old for boob in night now and that you all need more sleep, and that they can still have boob at (when ever you feed them) but that is it. It will take a while, it takes three days to break a habit.

If those don't work or you don't want to start on that straight away, say you can have it for two mins (what ever time feels comfortable for you and your child) and then shorten the time they are allowed... To get mine off the go to sleep feed I used to count to ten and then sped it up...but mine didn't like me counting out loud, so i would just make it go faster every night in my head until eventually he stopped asking.

The more you discuss with them in the day that they don't have it at night now as they are bigger etc ..the more they will start to connect the dots.

I did also move mine into his room as I said that he would have more space in his bed if he slept in there and he'd feel less tired etc.

I also used a sticker chart and rewards system for him when he stayed in his bed all night.

Also ...while he was in his bed..I stopped offering him boob and he would ask for cereal/cup of milk at all random times of the night..this went on for a while, but did eventually naturally stop.

I learned...that no matter what you do, if you put boundaries in place they will understand and you'll be surprised how resilient they are. There may be the inevitable tantrum but offering the right support and comfort they will get there and understand.

I thought I was going to be able to follow baby lead weaning and allow him to give it up when he wanted, but it just wasn't for me, but then I didn't try hard enough with my own boundaires around breast feeding.

I also used a lot of chocolate, biscuits, crackers and bananas to help wean him, both in the evening and in the morning.

Sorry it's long, I hope it helps. I have been struggling and know how it feels. (I doubt I'll be as relaxed about it the second time round though)

It dies t have to be CIO but you’ll have to do some kind of sleep training. It’s crazy you’re still doing all this stuff at that age.

I so query the ‘meeting a need’ thing when it seems to cause so much upset to mother and child in this way? Sticker charts, moving beds etc. I’m all for breastfeeding and into toddlerhood (haven’t done it myself but know it’s recommended), but night weaning when they have the memory span of a goldfish must be so much gentler than when they can remember, tantrum and beg for it, etc

Also hill to die on... Children will wean themselves when they are developmentally ready. It's ok if the mother needs to put boundaries in place for herself to not feel exhausted etc. But a two year old is getting everything they need from breast milk and more. The who recommends feeding a child for two years and beyond... Or write it another way....for a MINIMUM of two years.

Toddlers don't sleep through the night whether they are breastfeeding or not, it can take some toddlers up until they are five to sleep through the night consistently.

As women and mother's we shouldn't be judging other people's choices or thier children's behaviour, we can all only do what works for us.

I used a book about stopping nursing, which mentioned that at night time the milk wasn't there anymore so mummy offered water or a cuddle instead when the baby woke up at night. I did exactly that, she cried the first night for about 5 mins but then cuddled in back to sleep. Just needed a gentle reminder about there being no milk at night anymore after that for about a week, then slept through.

You can night wean while still co-sleeping, lots of people do. Seconding looking into Jay Gordon's method, I didn't use it in the end but read and liked it.

There's a (bit cheesy and American, but my child liked it) picture book called Nursies When The Sun Shines which explains night weaning in toddler friendly terms. I read it with my kid most days for a week and talked about how soon mummy's milk would be resting at night time and then come back in the morning. Then I just bit the bullet and did it. Did the bedtime feed, reminded him there wouldn't be any more milk until the sun came up. It took a few nights of very frequent waking and screaming tantrums but I just held the boundary, offered lots of cuddles, offered a bottle of water instead, sang lullabies etc. After a few nights he suddenly started sleeping through til early morning.

I think you'd be extremely lucky to night wean a toddler without some tears and protesting. If they've been getting their favourite drink on demand all night for 2 years, and they think that the only/best way to get back to sleep is boob, of course they're going to be confused, distressed and angry that its no longer available. But sometimes it's necessary and those feelings are part of life.

The other things that have helped mine wake up less are bedtime snack (porridge, plain yoghurt, banana, peanut butter are all meant to be good for sleep) and cutting his nap as short as possible to make sleep pressure higher by bedtime

Good luck x

It really pisses me off how any parent who DARES allow their children to cry at night is doing CIO. Firstly, who fucking cares what it's called, why are you so against letting your child cry at all? That's pathetic and childish. Children cry. You're the adult, not your 2yo.

I still breastfeed my 2yo, he doesn't wake in the night anymore because I just don't feed him. If he wakes in the night I comfort him the same way I would during the day, but I'm not going to just feed him because that's what he wants, because funnily enough, I'm the parent and that's not what's best for him. If your child is waking 4-6 times a night then he must be miserable as sin during the day through sheer exhaustion. Just STOP FEEDING HIM. It's as simple as that. He might cry, it doesn't mean you're "doing CIO".

Are you suggesting he never cries during the day?

Grow a backbone and stop being so selfish. Your child deserves a full night sleep and your job as a parent is to help them get it.

btw as a few people have mentioned it - it's not necessarily bad or damaging for a child to wake frequently through the night until age 2 (and beyond). For a lot of kids it's normal and there's no evidence it affects their health or development. My low sleep needs kid used to wake 5 times a night, get up at 6am, run around like an energizer bunny all day, barely nap and go to bed at 8-9pm. Never seemed overtired (unless sick), didn't get sick any more than the average toddler, and at his 2 yr check he was ahead of pretty much every milestone. I night weaned and got him sleeping (mostly) in his own bed for MY health and sanity, not his 🤣

BASIS and Georgina May are good sources of research on infant/toddler sleep and how frequent waking is normal, if anyone's interested in learning more

We stopped feeding when my little boy was almost 2. I was pregnant again. We didn't co-sleep but he would wake often in his cot and I would feed back to sleep or he would come into our bed in the early hours of the morning. I just explained that it was getting sore to feed him. We knocked off most of the day feeds and even the evening feed turned into a beaker of milk and some toast. My husband got up with my son to avoid an early morning feed so the middle of the night feeds were really the last to go. We shortened them saying its sore for mummy so we will have to stop on 5-4-3-2-1 etc. and unlatched. Eventually he stopped waking frequently or didnt expect milk and was happy with a quick cuddle and 'night night, back to bed'. Good luck - think of how much he will understand and explain to him that you are tired and can't feed him etc. He will understand more than you can imagine!

It it's not working for the op though ? That's why she's posting. As parents we need to help our children develop and grow by putting in boundaries and routines and to show them it's ok to stop being a baby. This 2 year old is acting like a new born baby because his not been show any other way. Just because a child cries you don't have to give it what it wants. It's for their own good ! Sometimes some crying is needed to get to end goal which is not feeding through the night so everybody can have a decent sleep. I can guarantee this child is also being held back with his development and milestones during the day by being treated like a baby otherwise this wouldn't be happening at night. Sad really

I am against CIO. I hate my children crying. But ... they are children and regardless of what I do there will be times that they cry. I also think that sleep training of some variety is necessary. Sleep is a skill that we need to teach our children. We need to teach them to self settle without constantly needing milk. Unfortunately, that will naturally involve the child getting pretty cross with you.

You can do sleep training without CIO. Yes they will cry but you comfort them and cuddle them. You do not need to leave them alone. Night 1 will not be fun. They will be extremely cross. Night 2 will be better. Night 3 will be a total game changer. And so on. 2 or 3 weeks in you will be happy you tackled it.

If you want to start more gently (perhaps a good idea anyway when breastfeeding, for your own sake!), cut out one feed at a time. Also for a 2 year old, try not to let them fall asleep on the boob. Otherwise they wake up and naturally freak out: "hang on I was enjoying some nice milk where has it gone?".

It will also help significantly if you can get them out of your bed and into their own. I happily coslept with mine as babies but a wriggly 2 year old is a different story. 2 months ago mine insisted on being in my bed all night and I got terrible sleep. Now she is in her cot all night. It is hard to do but really worth doing.

My issue is that Dc doesn’t accept any other food/drink like bottles, biscuits etc. overnight.

This really isn’t your issue. Your issue is that you are currently in a routine and you need to break it. She’s used to how it is right now and having milk 4/5 times a night so it’s going to be a big change. It’s probably going to result in worse sleep for a week or two and then it will stick and you will both be getting better sleep.
At 2.5 years old she can’t be having proper restorative sleep waking that much.
She definitely doesn’t need an overnight biscuit!!

I breast fed until DD was around 16 months and think I might weaned around the same time - though she wasn't really feeding was just using me as a human dummy and waking up constantly. I just stopped. Literally just stopped, no tears no nothing. Sometimes it can be all about timing - as I tried a few months before and it was all tantrums and screaming. I thought cba for this I'll try again in a few months, which is what I did. No issues, just said no more milk gave her a cuddle and that was it.

We still somewhat co-sleep at 21 months. She starts off in her own bed and then will come into mine at about 1am but goes straight back to sleep until around 7. Could be better if she slept all the way through in her own bed but I don't mind really!

I dropped the night feeds by cuddling and bouncing back to sleep for the first waking every night, which generally got later and later, then continuingthe rest of the night as normal. They weren't that impressed tbh! Neither of mine stopped waking at night untill they dropped their naps though, I still needed to get them back to sleep a couple of times a night without the help of milk untill 3+. Dd is neay 9 and almost always sleeps a solid 11 hours without needing me , ds is 5 and will wake once a night half the week. They both carried on having milk in the day untill 4. Breast milk isn't a problem if teeth are properly cleaned at the beginning of the night.

Take some time off work and do it then. I literally did that, took a week off, with the intention of getting my 14 month old into his own room, and own bed, and off the breast. I couldn't function at work I was so tired.

@Ihavekids I think I’ll give Jay Gordon’s method a try, it’s a lot like what I’ve been trying already but more structured. I like the way he writes about the whole issue, very sensible approach.

Many other great suggestions and support from a lot of posters, I’ll try a few things out, maybe it will make a positive change for us. Any further ideas, suggestions, book recommendations etc appreciated.

To calm a few of the posters who were worried about my DC’s development, nourishment and independence, I can assure you it’s all going very well, he’s absolutely brilliant, happy and well-rested, way ahead in terms of toddler milestones, just has this habit of feeding overnight. I can also look after him fine as is, but would prefer to change this feeding ritual soon for the sake of my own comfort.

Don't expect night weaning to help sleep..we did it at 12 months with dc2 and at over 3 he still wakes 3-4 times a night. Nothing helps.

Some of the PP’s have been very judgemental.
just because it’s not what you would choose to do with your child doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Breastfeeding into toddlerhood is a biological norm, it is society that has made us think our 2/3 year olds shouldn’t wake or feed in the night.
I say this as a Mum who’s 19 month old now sleeps through (most) nights. While it’s biologically normal to wake and breastfeed during the night, unfortunately in a society where most Mum’s have to go back to work when their baby is 9-12 months, for most it isn’t viable to do so long term. I second the recommendation for Jay Gordon.

I think every mum and family has different priorities, for me night weaning wasn’t on top of the list. It was more important for me to sort out day time weaning, which went fine, no big meltdowns or anything. Now, I’d prefer to sort out night time weaning too, I think it’s time. I understand that he might not sleep through even if weaned but that’s ok.

I think some people prioritise a good night’s sleep and that’s ok too, no need to get into fights over this.

Thanks for all the helpful comments, I’ve already learnt a lot more about baby/toddler sleep and ideas around tackling nighttime weaning.

I got pregnant when DD was just 2 so that kinda forced the issue, I had to space out her feeding in the day and cut feeds shorter day and night. Doing a countdown helped a lot.

She really did need something in the night so we ended up sat up in bed giving her yogurt and bread because she was telling us she was hungry (milk supply was gone but she still tried). This went on for a couple months I think, was worse than just boobing back to sleep. She didn't reliably sleep through till about 3. The food in the night was not great for teeth, breastfeeding is not harmful to teeth, that would be shite evolution.

Cosleeping stopped when she started sleeping through a fair bit, I wasn't going to be getting up in the night

The book Loving Comfort helped with the idea of weaning, nursies when the sun shines did not but others had success.

I set up a visual count down to the last feed when we were down to just the bedtime feed and she understood this and mostly it was fine, she was nearer three by then so the whole process was slow.

DD does remember stuff from back then so yes she'd remember CIO, Controlled crying etc. She is likely not neurotypical so explains why sleep is just harder for her. She only sleeps about 10 hours a night since 2.5/3, cannot be made to sleep more and never seems well rested, she seemingly got worse since weanjng tbh

Hope it goes well. There will be crying and frustration but it soon passes.

Hi was wondering how did it go?