Getting 2 yo to finally drop night feeds?

[Palmtreesnwaves]

I could really do with some uninterrupted sleep so wondering if anybody had some advice on how to get a 2 year old to sleep through? No variations of CIO please, I’m not interested in those. We co-sleep and I’m woken about 4-6 times a night to bf.

Another vote for Jay Gordon's nightweaning method. He's very gentle and pro breastfeeding and cosleeping. But there's going to be crying. That's not cio. That's your kid telling you they don't like this change. You just tell them, tough, this change is happening. At 2 you really shouldn't be afraid of a bit of crying. It won't hurt your lo, and you need some sleep. Time to nightwean.
I did this method with my 14mo and my 9mo.
Both were bfed til age of 3.
Still occasionally co sleep with 4yo.

Please ignore all the people saying you’re being a martyr. You’re not. You’re being a good mother and attending to your child’s needs, so they’ll grow up in a secure attachment.

You quite often find those advocating for sleep training, CIO, calling you a martyr and other nasty names are simply feeling guilt over ignoring and neglecting their own children’s needs, so want to put down parents who attend theirs.

(Of course there will now be a wave of these types replying saying they don’t feel guilty, aren’t a poor parent etc etc but of course the guilt is subconscious, hence these unwanted and unasked for nasty comments.)

Wow there's some horrible comments!

Also still breastfeeding my almost 2.5 year old. This wasn't my plan - it wasn't what happened with my other two. She only wakes once usually, she sometimes struggles to get back to sleep and will feed on and off. I've had to be firm at times over night for my sanity and DH has had to take her downstairs away from me at times.

I've been told by several friends that the way they stopped at this age was to go away for three nights. I may be doing this soon!

I’m in a similar position to you OP. My DS is nearly 3 years old and we co sleep and feed 1-2 times in the night still.

I’ve found that when my DP puts him down at night he sleeps much longer before he wakes up than when I do it for some reason. My partner basically plays, gives him snacks like yoghurt, banana and milk, reads books, cuddles and repeat until he falls asleep :) it might be later than when I do it but DS is happy so that’s what’s important.

I read somewhere that to stop feeding him to sleep at bedtime is the best way to start sleep training as he is going to be tired and more likely to nod off without. I don’t get on with the CIO method either, I prefer a soft approach.

Just stop cold turkey 🤷🏻‍♀️ I did it about 2 months ago. (Same situation)

I got a terrible night of crying. The second night was bad but better. Third night was good 👍

It's tough, bot going to lie.

Good luck!

I realise that giving him a load of snacks after brushing teeth isn’t ideal but we’re doing what it takes for him to get used to sleep without me. Sometimes you have to pick your battles. The idea is to get him a single bed in his own room within a few months. We’ll start with a mattress next to the bed where we can stay until he’s used to it and then proceed from there :) I wish you best of luck and hope you’ll get a sweet whole nights sleep soon! You’ll feel like a new woman!

If you want to move them to their own room, my best advice is to get a pillow and park your bum outisde the door. If you stay inside, you'll struggle to leave unnoticed.

Again, it will take a few nights..... and you'll have to sit again on your pillow in the middle of the night... (get a comfortable pillow! Maybe 2)

I agree with others that say tears an inevitable. It’s how children show they don’t like something and let’s be honest they’re not going to like you changing their routine.
I would never recommend CIO because I’m not sure I could ever do it however sometimes I think you need to weigh up your options. Either you do a more extreme method and it’s maybe 2 horrendous days/ nights but then it’s done or you do a gentler method that takes much longer (but will highly likely still involve some level of crying). Sometimes I wonder if it’s kinder to just get it over with.

That's what I thought, but it's been no real problem whatsoever. I've gone from being up all blimmin' night feeding and co-sleeping, to having a full night's sleep,.

There was a bit of protesting, but nothing major.

It's not cio if your indeed cuddling them. Its frustration that they arnt getting what they want and don't like the change.

Put good bra on and pj top so there's no access and go cold turkey. May be a week of unsettled nights but then should be fine.

I night weaned at this age whilst still partially co-sleeping. I just told him calmly and firmly “no milkies at night” but offered him cuddles instead. I had some crying and shouting for the first couple of nights but I stayed firm and he quickly adjusted and would accept a cuddle then fall back to sleep within a minute or two. They don’t need food at night when they’re this age, it was all about comfort. By offering a cuddle and staying with them you’re still giving them that comfort just in a different way. There’s no need to stop co-sleeping unless it’s something you want to do.

I kept going with the bedtime feed until he was 2.5 then dropped that too. He’s nearly 4 now and sleeps brilliantly. He never has any kind of drink or snack at night.

I personally don't like the cio method either. I wanted to stop bf to sleep (I'm pregnant and it was getting painful with the extra hormones). I bought my dd a duvet for her cot (I tuck it in at the bottom of the cot so she can't pull it over her head) and she was so delighted with it being like mummy and daddy's bed that she insisted on being put down in her cot rather than demanding milk. It was a natural progression from there and although she asked for milk once in the bedtime routine for the first few nights she accepted me giving her water instead. I sit on the floor next to her cot and read stories to her that way rather than sitting on the feeding chair together. It has made the bedtime routine so much quicker. Admittedly she hadn't woken for a night feed in a good 8 months and we've never co-slept together but I was so pleased to find the duvet was such a welcome distraction and avoided the possible tears. My dd was 23 months when she fully weaned.

Perhaps you could introduce the idea of sleeping in the cot/cot bed with a duvet and see how your ds responds? If you're not right next to him at night there is a higher chance he at least won't wake up so frequently and that'll be a positive start.

Not sure if this is directed at me but I’ve never had to sleep train my baby. She has been self settling since six months but I never did Co-sleeping. But if I was in OP’s position I wouldn’t hesitate to sleep train. OP’s mental health is important too and I disagree that letting your toddler wake up and feed six times a night is doing the right thing. Children need proper sleep.

What worked for us was gradually cutting down one feed at a time. Just before bed and the last one before waking were the last to go. By focusing on dropping one feed at a time, I knew I'd still get sleep the rest of the night. I also did it gradually and talked to him about needing to wait a bit before there was more milk.

So if they feed before falling asleep and then at 11pm, try to wait till 11.30 or 12, soothing them and staying with them, and then feed them that bit later, if they're still awake.

I was working and found it hard at the time but don't regret it at all now. I'm not judging what any other family does, this was just what felt right for us. I'd also recommend the Facebook group 'bf older babies and beyond' as I think you'd get lots of good advice on there.

Love it when people who never had to sleep train because they were lucky enough to have babies that self settled from a young age still think it’s perfectly appropriate to lecture the OP about why she should be sleep training.

Yes @Juicylychee that was aimed at you.

@Juicylychee Sleep fragmentation and sleep deprivation are not the same thing.

I don’t understand why you’re saying he doesn’t take bottles and biscuits (biscuits?!) at night. Why should he? My 2 year old has a cup of water in her bedroom at night - that’s it. It’s usually untouched but If she needs a drink she reaches out in the light of her gro clock takes a sip and back to bed - we aren’t aware of any of this. No 2 year old needs bottles or biscuits (!!) at night.

im really sorry but you’ll need to accept that you’re in a situation where you are the parent of a 2 year old who’s having the experiences of a 6 week old at night and this is not good for either of you. Because it’s gone on for so long it needs a significant cycle break.

unless there are some significant t special needs or additional needs here that you haven’t
Mentioned this isn’t the sort of life either you or her need to have. It’s not just my own 2 year old DD I am thinking of but her entire cohort of 2 year old peers at nursery - they all have similar schedules - some are worse sleepers than others sure and there’s teething and colds and temporary disruptions but getting milk feeds 4-6 times a night is not happening at this age.

This method works for us.
https://batelle.com

It is not CIO
it involves acknowledging that your child may not like change (literally saying to your child “I know this is hard, you are learning something new and that is difficult”) and then maintaining boundaries. There is a series of steps to follow that in 7 days should get your child sleeping in their own bed through the night. You never leave your child to cry, you engage with them in a specific manner as soon as they start to cry or ask for you, however you do not give them what they ask for but instead hold the boundary. Expensive buy effective (they live coach you through every night of the method), and provide support with sleep until your child’s 6th birthday.

Very few people actually do CIO!

Most people do some sort of gradual sleep training, gradual retreat, offer up a transitional offering like audio books or a new cuddly toy etc.

So YANBU to not want to do CIO. But YABU if you think there's a magic way to impose an unwanted change on a toddler that won't involve crying. Your child will cry, because they like bf, they are used to waking for bf at night, and you are essentially offering a downgrade, whatever you do.

I might be able to offer some insight purely because of the unusual age gap between my children.

I had DD when I was 19. I fed her for two and a half years. Co-slept from birth. She never had a bottle in her life. She also didn't sleep through until she was three. I was an exhausted wreck, extremely depressed and how I managed to function I don't know. I was absolutely a martyr and obsessed with natural parenting.

Twenty-one years later I've had DD2. She is now 8 months. I mixed fed from birth. Didn't co-sleep. She went in her own room at seven months and I also weaned her then. She sleeps through then night for eleven hours. I also sleep, manage to work full time and my mental health is far superior to how it was with DD1. I haven't done CIO with DD2 but also didn't respond to every whimper and she has pretty much been on to self-settle from birth.

I regret not doing CIO with DD1. I regret the sheer exhaustion. I regret the frequent wakings that ultimately tired DD1 out and weren't good for her. DD, now 21, thinks it's 'weird' that I fed her for so long. No teenager or adult child is going to give a flying fuck that you sacrificed your sleep for years for them. Nor will they be a perfect and resilient and well-adapted child as a result of your parenting. They might be fine - but I'd wager that's more down to personality than rearing.

A screaming toddler is no fun but persevere and soon you'll all have a solid night's sleep.

Hi @Palmtreesnwaves my two year old daughter was exactly the same until recently. I decided to tackle the night feeds first as I recently found out I'm pregnant again and I was worried I'd have her and a newborn baby feeding all night. We still co sleep at the moment but hoping to try and get her into her own bed soon. In order to stop the night feeds I started giving her her last feed of the day downstairs then she'd go up to bed awake with either myself or her dad and we sing, cuddle, read a story etc until she's asleep. Once she'd been fed I told her that mummy's boobs are going to sleep too and she'd see them in the morning. I'd go to bed with a crop top type bra under my pj's so my boobs were pretty inaccessible and when she woke up to feed I'd show her and say mummy's boobs are still asleep you'll see them in the morning. The first couple nights were rough and she did get upset but I would cuddle her and she'd eventually go back to sleep. After a couple weeks the night feeds stopped and now I just feed in the evening and the morning which I'm happy to continue with for now. It's not easy but once I started to see it working I was much more motivated to continue.

Good luck with whatever you chose to do. X

Sleep training is literally the opposite of ignoring a baby's needs. One of a baby's most fundamental needs is good quality sleep. A night broken by up to 6 feeds, for a 2 year old, is rubbish sleep, and likely leaving both baby and mum more tired, stressed, and less able to cope in the day time. Furthermore, breastmilk on its own does NOT meet all a 2 year olds nutritional needs - but this toddler is eating more poorly in the day because they are filling up on milk during the night.
Personally I don't see either of these issues as very good parenting 😳

1. this 2 year old is not getting a full unbroken nights rest. Ever.
2. this 2 year old is consistently being looked after by an exhausted, worn out carer. If we were paying for childcare would we be comfortable leaving our child with a nanny or childminder or grandparent or aunty who was permanently Sleep deprived and fighting on low batteries?
3. this 2 year old is getting milk by night and presumably not enough of a proper balanced nutrition by day.

hiw is any of this meeting his needs?

Your child is 2 years but you are treating him like he is 2 months. You have not allowed him to develop any independence whatsoever. Stop the breast feeding and put the child in his own toddler bed preferably In his own bedroom.

I've managed to reduce night wakings by sleeping on the floor next to his bed instead of Co sleeping. I currently don't have the space for him in his own room until works have finished.
When he does wake up he manages to fall asleep on my shoulder just walking around and will stay asleep.