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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Would you like to know when you are going to die?

122 replies

Dishwashersaurous · 22/10/2022 20:43

Completely inspired by another thread.

Would you like to know when you are going to die?

Say if everyone on their 21st birthday wad given the date they will die?

OP posts:
UseOfWeapons · 23/10/2022 07:18

No. I don’t think I could handle that.

balalake · 23/10/2022 07:35

Not one bit. You'd also end up knowing how long you had your parents, siblings, other relatives and friends by extension.

HappyKoala56 · 23/10/2022 07:47

Yes. I'd spend a lot more time enjoying myself while younger and not pay into a pension or worry about investments if I knew I would die before retirement.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 23/10/2022 08:09

Yes. I'm the sort of person who deprives myself of things just incase I don't have the money later.
If I knew when I would die I'd lighten up and stop being so worried about everything.
It's also a fear of mine that I'll die suddenly when my kids are young and I won't have chance to do anything to help them remember me by. If I knew I was going to die early (I'm an older mum) I wouldn't have had kids.

SuziLikeSuziQ · 23/10/2022 08:33

No, I wouldn't want to know. I'd end up lying in bed awake, worrying about it, fearing it, especially as the date drew nearer and nearer.

Plus, you'd have the dates of your loved ones' deaths on your mind, too.

It sounds like a way to just be continuously sad about someone's imminent death.

And, for example, my dad was a living kidney donor for my uncle. Would it have affected his decision if he'd known my uncle would die on transplant day? Or a few months' later? (Fortunately uncle is still going strong.) Would other donors be convinced not to donate if they knew the recipient would for shortly after? Would they see it as a waste?

And what about dating? Would it become the norm for people over 21 to ask their dates their death day? Could you imagine having a death date 5 years in the future, so no-one wanted to date you because there was no longevity? Would you end up with a two-tier kind of society, with those who have long lives ahead of them enjoying everything life brings, but those with a soon death date grouping together in these kind of supportive palliative care groups?

Such an interesting question, OP!

As an aside, when I was about 23 I did one of those ridiculous online death calculators (from Facebook?). It said I would die in 2052. I'll be in my 70s. It will be interesting to find out if it's true (as in, coincidental or bollocks).

EmeraldShamrock1 · 23/10/2022 08:35

Yes . I have a fear for dying when my DC really needs me.

If I knew I could make plans or live like there is no tomorrow when I've a shit load
to do today.

startfresh · 23/10/2022 10:20

Definitely. I'd know what I needed to do and by when. And if you knew it was next week, you wouldn't sweat the little things and waste time at work for your last days etc.

FrenchOnionShoeBox · 23/10/2022 10:28

Yes.

DuesToTheDirt · 23/10/2022 10:32

Yes. I'm mid-50s and as a PP said I wouldn't bother with pension payments (my DH would be fine with his own pension) if I knew I'd die within 5 years - I'd prioritise doing the things I wanted to do, maximising family time, making sure my affairs were in order, etc.

OTOH if I were 20 and found out I'd die soon, that would be devastating.

ChakaKhanfan · 23/10/2022 10:36

Yes I would want to know, I would stop working if I knew I was going to die in a few weeks

girlmom21 · 23/10/2022 10:38

startfresh · 23/10/2022 10:20

Definitely. I'd know what I needed to do and by when. And if you knew it was next week, you wouldn't sweat the little things and waste time at work for your last days etc.

You know, thinking about it, I think I'd be much more likely to enjoy my dying days if I knew I only had a week rather than if I knew 5 years in advance.

lljkk · 23/10/2022 11:15

I'd like... about a year's notice. That would be fine. Only allowed to persons age 16+. Useful to organise many things. No further detail required.

LynetteScavo · 23/10/2022 11:58

No! I'm assuming I'll be 100 years old. That is my plan.

Sikaris · 23/10/2022 16:49

Only if it's 80+. Don't want to know if it's younger

Beezknees · 23/10/2022 16:57

Absolutely not. I'm a bit of a "live for the moment" person anyway, I don't think about retirement and things like that. If I get there, I'll think about it then.

IfeelSickToDeath · 23/10/2022 16:58

I would like to know

Currently going through my second bout of cancer in 3 years.

I have teens and younger kids, and absolutely nobody else in my life.

Trying to get things organised for an op and possible treatment is so difficult, so I would like the choice to plan for them with a fair bit of notice while I'm still feeling ok rather than having to do it when I'm literally on my death bed (hopefully it doesn't come to that).

I would love to see them appy and settled and then I could just quietly withdraw and die alone so they don't suffer. I love the thought of my death not impacting anyone, especially my kids.

QuietNeighbour · 23/10/2022 16:59

No but I’d quite like to know for sure if I was going to die peacefully in my sleep.

Anon778833 · 23/10/2022 17:09

No

PinkSyCo · 23/10/2022 17:16

God no!

Forfrigz · 23/10/2022 17:42

No, it seems like it would be beneficial to you could plan your time better but I think it would put too much pressure on you and it would always be in the back of your mind in a sad way. Also imagine being told you'll die young. You wouldn't feel able to do the same things as others and you'd likely be bitter knowing others got a better deal than you.

TheLoupGarou · 23/10/2022 17:49

Absolutely not, no way.

spinachmonster · 24/10/2022 07:38

IfeelSickToDeath · 23/10/2022 16:58

I would like to know

Currently going through my second bout of cancer in 3 years.

I have teens and younger kids, and absolutely nobody else in my life.

Trying to get things organised for an op and possible treatment is so difficult, so I would like the choice to plan for them with a fair bit of notice while I'm still feeling ok rather than having to do it when I'm literally on my death bed (hopefully it doesn't come to that).

I would love to see them appy and settled and then I could just quietly withdraw and die alone so they don't suffer. I love the thought of my death not impacting anyone, especially my kids.

@IfeelSickToDeath
I'm so sorry to hear this 😟♥️
Just a thought, I've not read it but there's a book called "How Not to Die" By Dr. Gregor ( I think) which has great reviews. My friend had cancer 2 yrs ago she read it and followed it and is currently all clear. (Obv I know so many variables, but just thought it was worth mentioning.) Good luck to you 💖.

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