What was signs of asd in older girls?

[schoolissues1234]

My daughter is 9 and I’m questioning whether I should be looking at getting her assessed for asd.

She is a lovely girl but there are a few quirks that are starting to feel a little age inappropriate.

she is extremely fussy with food and struggles to try new things.

she struggles in some situations (for eg a transport museum this weekend) where she starts crying and saying she wants to leave.

she spins a lot. She also sings all the time or dances about. She was a mad climber when she was younger and was always on her head doing headstands etc.

she doesn’t cope well when plans change. For eg if I say I’m bringing our car to school and it’s a nice day so I decide to pick her up on foot she will break down and cry in front of her friends with no embarrassment.

she has nice friendships though and she does do a lot of imaginative play on the other side of things.

she is very shy around new people but very happy and comfortable with people she knows well and family.

she doesn’t always answer to her name and seems to ignore requests (time to get out the bath etc).

she reads all the time, total book bug and can play with her toys by herself
for long periods of time.

she has weird sensory things. Like wanting to put her hand in our mouths when she’s falling asleep (we don’t allow this any more!)

she does well in school, although she is dyslexic so struggles with spelling.

I'm not a medical expert, but I assume that if they were to do this, they wouldn't call it boys' autism and girls' autism, they would call it autism/ASD and something completely different. And boys would be more likely to have ASD but not exlusively so, and girls would be more likely to have the other thing, but not exclusively so. A bit like how women can be colourblind, but much more rarely than men.

I think I might be able to help to answer your question as I have family members of both boys and girls on the spectrum. I don’t believe that they have separate conditions. ASD is the same in everyone who has it, it’s just that it effects everyone slightly differently, I think with some of the girls, but not always, from a young age they try to fit in and so therefore ‘mask’ by copying others and study of others behaviour/mannerisms. This is seen more in the high functioning type of ASD, which my daughter has and at least 2 boys in my family. The lower functioning type of ASD (non verbal, no eye contact) would be more obvious autism. I know of another girl with this type of autism, she does not give me eye contact but is social to a certain extent. So I think it depends on the individual person really how their autism effects them.

Do higher functioning teens on the autistic spectrum manage things like friendships and relationships?

Please dont ever rely on a teacher to spot or understand signs of autism in girls unless it is their specialism

If you can afford it get a diagnsisis privately we waited 2 years including a year for initial assessment and then paid for our child and it was a few months then we have now got thr diagnosis

My daughter is 8 and very like you described your daughter including spinning dancing talking to herself. Yes lots of imaginative play but struggles to join in groups. Okay playing one to one but really struggles with new social situations

Because she is happy once in a settled routinr and Because she is socially very anxious she appeared fairly wel behaved at school. Lockdown then us moving house made her autism a lot clearer which was sad as she struggled but did mean she is now getting the help she needs

I cant recommend more highly seeking a diagnosis. The children i know who were diagnoses young seem to be more at ease with being autistic than those who were diagnosed as teens.

I think because some children find their little path and routinr at school and have learnt how to fit in and maybe are at same scholl from 3 or 4 ..it just isnt apparent at school until they head off at 11 and then all the shit hits the fan.

From what you say, it does sound like she should be assessed. The thing is that only a proper assessment will tell you. And girls present very differently from boys and even from each other. I’m autistic - I was diagnosed at 37. It would have made my life much better to know earlier.

Dm me if you want oP.

As others have said....a key thing i think with my dd is the subtle failure to follow normal social cues particularly with conversation. She is either silent and doesnt respond out of nerves or she just talks far too much particularly to adults. She cant stand being interrupted and will scream if wr try to talk before she is finished. She will tell never ending stories of no relevance to others or overly detailed in a way thst is quite funny sometimes but is just off kilter to how pther 8 or 9 year olds act.

@BetterCallMe dont feel guilty ...partly its the harsh one size fits all system thst induces autistic meltdowns and anxiety. I would never bave known my dd was autistic but my husband has it in the family and was more aware.

I would have just thought her quirky anxious and a mad stickler for rules !

Would this book be good for someone wondering if they have ADD?

@schoolissues1234 yes!
My dd is at uni and making some friends albeit very slowly and cautiously. She has a very close long term friend too

We’ve just had a (private) diagnosis for DD 7, who had many similar behaviours. She also masks at school. She has been diagnosed with ASD with a PDA profile. It’s early days, but we’re glad we pursued a diagnosis.

Well in my daughters case no not really, she doesn’t really have friends and she is very socially awkward. She tries to fit in But finds it exhausting, so she prefers her own company. Sometimes she is lonely though and doesn’t understand why other kids don’t want to hang out with her.

And that’s exactly what happened with my daughter, she was always autistic just not obvious and it was brushed off as quirks and we were actually told that she would grow out of it, but then she started high school and suddenly she couldn’t cope anymore..

yes I agree with getting assessments done as soon as possible.

People with autism vary massively in how they manage. My dd took a little while but found her friends in year 9, she's kept these friends and they're a nice group.

She's decided she's bisexual and is keen to find a boyfriend/girlfriend, I can't see any reason why she wouldn't go on to have a long term relationship.

DD13 was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD a couple of years ago.

I went private.

The ADHD part caught me a little by surprise. But she takes medication on school days and it makes a huge difference.

With the ASD I am lucky that I got her into a small all girls school. The smaller class sizes have been amazing for her, she's thriving. She would be exhausted after being in a large class at primary and have a lot more explosive meltdowns after school than she does now. I think it's mainly the noise that got to her.

Just to touch on periods, she really really struggled with it, apparently this is normal in ASD girls but another mum suggested modibodi period pants, game changer.

@Autumnalblooms
Thanks for your response regarding my daughter, I'm not sure how to send you a message but if you could let me know the group it would be very much appreciated xx

Go private for ASD & ADHD. Stay on the NHS list, but don't rely on that being quick. You could definitely save up for private assessments before getting seen by NHS. Good luck.

That sounds like normal a nine-year-old to me .. it’s hard to tell without knowing your child -nine-year-olds do spin around and cry
Put their hands in places they shouldn’t they are children
Usually the school Would have noticed something by now if she had signs of ASD and said something to you - ask their opinion ? All schools should have a SEN lead

Don't set any store in what her teachers say - they have no training in SEND and are generally clueless, especially when it comes to girls with ASD.

Absolutely don’t set any store with what school say. A) they will probably not pick it up us as girls can often mask it so effectively and B) they focus on the children who are struggling academically or causing disruption.

Be very careful where you get a private diagnosis done, private assessments can often not be recognised.

Absolutely, my daughter also struggled with periods until I found her period pants, yes definitely a game changer!

In my DD case, no, not really. She's finally made some friends recently but struggles to stay in touch outside school, finds it all really exhausting and isn't actually that bothered by having friends. She's identifying as abrosexual and pan gender which I think takes the pressure off the relationship side.

Same here - A(D)HD dx was a surprise and period pants for the win. She wears them constantly, just in case and because they're comfy (Flowette brand)

@motherofawhirlwind I think the adhd was a surprise because we are socialised into thinking this always takes a disruptive form but it's so not true. The vacant staring and abruptly losing focus in the middle of sports for example is the thing that mystified me and then I got the answer.

Interesting that the feedback from teachers since medication has been like night and day. She's concentrating and present. (Obviously she has hyper focussed times too which is a whole different thing)

Exactly - she's much more likely to be found in bed and never bouncing off the walls, but then I'd never heard of Inattentive. She's a super masker as well and no one had any idea or had suggested any of this pre 8 months ago (she's 15). It was actually a bout of depression that caused me to take her back to the Psychiatrist who had dx OCD 4 years earlier, and she suggested testing her. She suspected ADHD but said we could look at ASD as well just in case, when actually the ASD dx is strong, which shocked her. Trying to get her antidepressants level before starting the ADHD medication and hope that will help alot with school and exams. Have pulled her from mainstream and she's repeating Y10 via an online school to give her extra time to get more level before GCSE's.