What was signs of asd in older girls?

[schoolissues1234]

My daughter is 9 and I’m questioning whether I should be looking at getting her assessed for asd.

She is a lovely girl but there are a few quirks that are starting to feel a little age inappropriate.

she is extremely fussy with food and struggles to try new things.

she struggles in some situations (for eg a transport museum this weekend) where she starts crying and saying she wants to leave.

she spins a lot. She also sings all the time or dances about. She was a mad climber when she was younger and was always on her head doing headstands etc.

she doesn’t cope well when plans change. For eg if I say I’m bringing our car to school and it’s a nice day so I decide to pick her up on foot she will break down and cry in front of her friends with no embarrassment.

she has nice friendships though and she does do a lot of imaginative play on the other side of things.

she is very shy around new people but very happy and comfortable with people she knows well and family.

she doesn’t always answer to her name and seems to ignore requests (time to get out the bath etc).

she reads all the time, total book bug and can play with her toys by herself
for long periods of time.

she has weird sensory things. Like wanting to put her hand in our mouths when she’s falling asleep (we don’t allow this any more!)

she does well in school, although she is dyslexic so struggles with spelling.

Just knowing there was a reason for my "quirks". Having a diagnosis has really helped me to go easier on myself! With my daughter we've talked about neurodiversity generally and it seems to make sense to her that peoples brains work in different ways rather than there just being "normal" and "odd", and that wasn't really the case for me when I was younger!

Yes it would be nice if people could be a bit more kind and understanding for sure.

Could have written something similar about my 9 year old. We have asked school to assess but they are saying they don't see anything in school. At home we see:

• Meltdowns over changes of plan or things not being how she expected them to be.
• Hates busy and noisy places and will ask to leave but okay at sports events i.e. crowds at football or cricket.
• Homebody - much rather be at home than out.
• Limited imagination - struggles to think of things she'd like to do or to invent stories etc. Maths is by far her strongest subject and her writing can be clunky in comparison to her abilities in other areas.
• Fussiness with food - unwilling to try new things.
• Finding it hard to socialise in groups - inability to make small talk. She does have a best friend and plays football but always seems to be stood about on the edges. In group situations, without her best friend she looks awkward.
• Complete lack of interest in clothes and fashion to the point that she finds shopping very stressful and would much rather I tell her what to wear everyday. She just about copes now to pick an outfit but hates non-uniform days etc. She prioritises comfort.
• Unwilling to get dressed up in fancy dress for parties etc. Hates nail polish/make up but happy to wear dresses. Will happily be the only one at a party not in costume and will just shake her head/shrug her shoulders and say 'no'.
• Phobia of characters/mascots - as a young child she'd physically shake and sob for hours if we met one. Still very wary.
• Over reacts to being told off.
• Anxious about school work and getting things wrong. Bit of a perfectionist at times - very small, neat handwriting.
• If she's not given clear instructions she struggles - can be wonderful at football with the right direction but equally capable of freezing if the situation is unfamiliar or she isn't getting clear instructions.

She has got a lot better with some things and comes across as polite and confident (not worried about being left at a party etc). I think she probably 'masks' a lot and we get the outbursts when she's too tired to mask. I don't see us getting any sort of diagnosis until she presents with anxiety at high school (I think this will be almost inevitable and trying to work on coping strategies now).

My dd presents differently, but I've just started the process of having her assessed for ASD and ADHD as a young teen. I just wanted to encourage you that it's not at all a scary thing, the school have been very supportive despite not initially agreeing that there was anything neurodiverse going on. I was able to give a lot of evidence and the school sent it in for referral along with some stuff they provided. Now we just have to sit and wait. It might take a long time to get through the system, but I feel that at least the school have it on their radar now. You spend the most one to one time with your daughter, if you think she should be assessed then press for it.

Don't rely on school to spot ASD. Some teachers know nowt. (The assessor was rather scathing of school Senco who was adamant it was not autism but had written several things on her sheet that pointed to autism. )

@Fink how does your daughter present if you don't mind me asking? Just looking for more clues myself thanks.

Some of those traits sound a lot like my 8yo boy who has ASD (specifically Asperger’s). We have big issues with changing plans, transition from one activity to another, leaving the house (but just the act of leaving), various sensory needs eg hated loud/unpredictable sounds when younger, seems to need be in motion and needs physical exercise to regulate himself, loves being as close to me as possible. He’s a fairly adventurous eater but will sniff food and comment if he thinks it’s not right. He also sniffs people sometimes

My 9 year old is recently diagnosed. She also spins and headstands and cartwheels frequently. I’ve been advised that when she spins (or cartwheels) in one direction, that she should then repeat it in the other direction too, as that helps with regulation - I remind her of this when I notice it.

Don’t wait for school to notice anything because they don’t seem to - even with the DC I’ve met who present is a more stereotypical and obvious way, never mind the girls who mask in school.

While we were waiting for assessment the school SENCO made it clear that she didn’t think my DD was autistic. “She is fine when she is here” type of attitude. She wasn’t fine actually, and she is autistic (and waiting for ADHD assessment now also)

Does your DD read the same books again and again OP? Or are they different all the time? Just out of interest.

Oh and my DS probably wouldn’t be picked up at school, he might have been labelled naughty for the few occasions where his mask has slipped, but by and large he loves school and the stability the routine gives him.

@FlowerzInTheAttic Sort of both. She loves graphic novels so reads the same type of books but various different series and styles. She does happily re-read books though.

@FlowerzInTheAttic that's very interesting about the spinning thank you.

We failed to spot a lot of signs along the way, now that I know… Really obvious ones like toe-walking. She was diagnosed last year at 17. I feel so guilty. What did it was when she was trying on a ball dress and due to COVID, there weren’t too many around. I was trying to tell her what one would look like altered, and she became VERY distressed. I asked what was wrong and she said “I keep trying to tell you this, but you just don’t get it. I CAN’T visualize things. Nothing. You can describe it all you like and it just stresses me out. That part of my brain doesn’t work. I never dream. I think in words. I’ve told you this before.” Along with a heap of other cues I missed, she was verbally sophisticated for her age when she started school, a super-reader and quickly developed into a polyglot, (definitely doesn’t come from either of her parents!!!) she didn’t really click with kids her age until this year, unfortunately. She has never really liked to be touched. (I have asked her quite a few times if anything bad has happened, but she says no, thank god.) Eye contact is brief. She needs a lot of alone time. It was very difficult introducing solid and textured foods to her (but now she is a good eater). She does not like her plans to be derailed, even if she hadn’t communicated them with the rest of the universe. She has a bit of a tendency to monologue and not realise that her audience has tuned out.

The 'get her assessed' comments make me laugh a bit because for girls especially it is so hard to get an assessment and even harder to get a diagnosis. It took 5 years for anyone to agree to assess my dd and then they wouldn't give a diagnosis as she gives quite good eye contact and has a sense of humour.

My dd was v v similar to yours at age 9 op and tonight age 16 decided to get her playmobil out as she felt like playing...

To me she's not even a difficult child to diagnose but there we go.

Unless you have the money to pay privately don't hold your breath at getting an assessment or diagnosis.

Do we share the same DD?!?

Although DD had traits from very young we were completely oblivious until she was 9 & cahms was involved for self harming, now at nearly 14 she’s still in the system waiting to be diagnosed but I can’t see her not getting a diagnosis.

I’ve had to remove her from school, she started really struggling the last year of primary and attendance since there was pretty much non existent (anxiety)

we’ve had to change the way we parent her, which is hard with 2 other DC trying to treat them all equally.

She masks incredibly well, teachers have said apart from her ropey attendance that they would never have guessed she was on the spectrum or struggling at all. She presented and a happy, confident, popular girl. But in reality I was miserable, crippling anxiety & felt she had no friends and everyone hated her. It much be such hard work trying to appear ‘fine’.

Waiting so long for a diagnosis hasn’t made much difference to us as school didn’t need one to put measures in place to try and support her, but if you’re wanting a quicker diagnosis I would go private if you can.

Girls can have special interests which don’t stand out so much, and the graphic novels sound they might be in that category?

My DD’s interests are dogs, and a YouTube family who she is a bit obsessed with - she watches the same programmes again and again. But they didn’t stand out to me at first.

When she was younger, around 4/5 she collected gem stones and fossils and used to organise them a lot, but I didn’t think anything of that until I looked back, it just didn’t stand out as unusual at the time.

With hindsight she used to separate them until colours and line them up in a display, and I see the same behaviours now when she organises the fridge for and puts everything into categories and when she visits her grandma and asks to tidy her jewellery box.

A lot of things didn’t come to mind until I had a developmental history apt, where they focus on age 4/5.

I didn’t have any concerns until 6, I didn’t think, but as went through the questions it started to really jog my memory and I thought about things that I didn’t question at the time.

My DD is also very empathetic and probably the kindest person I have ever met. This is part of the reason for her constant anxiety though as she worries about everyone and everything in the world, and became a vegetarian at 6 because of this (and stuck to it, despite being the only one in our family!)

I could have written this post, Ive always suspected my daughters quirky ways weren't just her being her.

The last few months take has started to make me think I need to get her assessed.

Same issues with food, will only eat the same 8 foods on rotation. All beige foods

If the routine is to differ slightly, for example my niece sleeping over. She didn't sleep. The anxiety that bad she was awake all night.

She is routine through and through

If you can afford it op you would be better off going for a private assessment. Waiting for cahms can take years if they agree to in the first place. I have two teen DS both strongly suspected high functioning gp tried for assessment through cahms not a chance .
The dancing will be stimming they do it to self Soothe or excited. Both my have sensory issues such as crowds , to many conversations at once,hate eye contact .Find it difficult to read people so don't get if people are serious or not unless it is their close friends as they know them .Both can have autistic meltdowns when overwhelmed,both suffer anxiety.

Food preferences, my youngest is super clever especially mathematics and languages and huge crime novel reader , reading age way beyond her years, eldest is very artistic. Is she interested in anime my eldest lives and breathes it .One collects jigsaws the other plushies.But above all both mask incredibly well you would not know they were autistic.Both are amazing kids

Meant to add we are going to go for private with both our DS .

Push for an assessment. There are enough traits there to be suspicious. My DD now 21 was diagnosed when she was 8 and the amount of support the diagnosis unlocked was useful and helped me understand her triggers. Life became easier once we learnt how her mind was working. She's now at uni. Still struggles occasionally but I am immensely proud of her achievements as I'm sure you are of your lovely DD.

Thanks all.

My DDs were diagnosed as autistic in their late teens - and it only came about through an eating disorder and CAMHS making the suggestion that ASD might be an issue. But the CAMHS assessment was years in the waiting and the ED and mental health issues meant that we didn't want to wait, we could afford the private assessment and were desperate for our child to have some understanding and help for all her issues.

Reading everyone's posts about their young daughters makes me feel incredibly guilty for not knowing about or consider ASD earlier in my kids' life. Because they did have some of those behaviors, but we never knew that it wasn't run-of-the-mill "normal", we only parent our own children so we didn't really know any different to compare and realise they were neurodiverse.

But around age 9, my daughters had massive meltdowns which were completely inappropriate and very much overreacting. They had difficulty sleeping, constantly over-thinking and unable to turn off at bedtime. They were academically able and were model pupils so didn't raise any issues at school - is perfectionism a sign of ASD? I don't mean that flippantly, just that it was a sign of how seriously my kids follwed the rules and were upset by stepping out of line.

But they engaged in imaginative play, could make eye contact, had friends, were capable of meeting new people and trying new foods. So maybe wouldn't have fulfilled the diagnostic criteria at that age? I don't know.

Now that they are older, with more knowledge and self-awareness, greater ability to verbalise their feelings, they can look back and see the difficulties that they experienced and can tell us about some of those now.

They felt as though they were aliens amongst the rest of the world (but didn't even tell each other this...?!), they learnt to mask because they had no idea what social responses they should be giving, food preferences/intolerances grew as they got older, physical sensory issues became more prevalent, the pressure they felt to "fit in" became unbearable which led to severe mental health problems. My kids so wish they had been diagnosed earlier.

So the point to my long post (apologies) is to get an assessment as early as you can if you feel there is a need. Your child may not be able yet to articulate any difficulties they may be experiencing, hopefully a professional will be able to help them. With a diagnosis comes greater understanding for both child and parents, their diagnoses have helped us adjust so much of our parenting to help our kids.

I have a son who was diagnosed back in 2018, he had lots of traits I would say.

I have a dd who is 14 and we are currently on the waiting list to be assessed, and I would say like others that it's become so much more noticeable since high school. So much so she only attends for half days and in those half days spends the majority of it sitting in a learning base with no teacher because she can't cope with the classroom.

I also have a younger dd, 9 who I would say is showing more and more by the week. She has always been a picky eater but she did have food allergies when younger. She'll eat chips, nuggets but only certain ones. Bananas Nutella wraps white bread and porridge. We recently went to a world buffet as we were away on a big family holiday and I had to leave because she couldn't cope with the smells of the different foods.

Her anger is off the scale at times, she will not allow anyone to touch her hair and it's getting more and more difficult by the day, she jumps from one activity to another in quick succession and like others have said is so so messy. The stubbornness is unreal, oh and a crap sleeper. There is more I could write. Now I feel like I'm going to end up being told I am hypochondriac if I ask for her also to be assessed.

I really feel for you and your Ds over school don't know if you are aware you may already be there is an excellent fb group where you can get some fantastic advice. We went through this with my eldest Ds from Yr 7 now Yr 11 and she lost a lot of school and we got the usual get her to school or fines etc .I fought tooth and nail and now she is in a smaller specialist school designed for high functioning autism, metal health and thriving. The teachers are just pure gold .Have you looked into this. Happy for you to pm if you want name of group or any help about how I went about it .She deserves so much better bless in terms of education .It can be a horrible stressful time for them and you .

There’s a lot of misunderstanding about girls and ASD, even among teachers etc.

for my dd what prompted assessment at 13 was anxiety and a dip in her mental health plus social issues at secondary school

looking back she always had intense interests and would talk about them excessively (from the listeners point of view!)
i always thought of her as a good communicator when she was younger eg. Confidently chatting away to the hairdresser for example, but in retrospect realised it was always very one sided conversations.

she’s found having the diagnosis really helpful in understanding herself.

id recommend the book ‘aspergers in girls’