To ask people with disabilities to explain what discrimination they have faced?

[Givenuptotally]

Two horrific threads on disabilities this week. Can I ask any disabled person reading this to name and explain the discrimination they experience on a day to day basis? What are your experiences? I really do feel that so many need their eyes opening to what people with disabilities face.

My son has a disability. When diagnosed, his teacher refused to do additional training to be able to effectively support him. Many parents of children with the same condition end up having to attend school discos or residentials so their child gets the same experience as other children.

The small town i live in doesnt have any toilet facilities suitable for an adult that needs carers to change them if they are incontinent.

Ds is autistic and has a whole list of other disabilities and health conditions.

we have been exceptionally lucky with both schools that they have been 90% fantastic and have undergone training for things like his tube feeds and his medical conditions. But the fact that is deemed as something noteworthy shows how many are let down.

Some other parents have been a nightmare (lots are great) with comments like “well you wouldn’t behave like that would you” to their child when Ds was having a meltdown. Well no your child isn’t autistic! And complaining that DS gets more attention than other children (he has an ehcp with full 1-1)

we have had people abuse us for using disabled spaces/ disabled toilets/ lifts etc.

he is a part time wheelchair user and attitudes to him are generally different when he is on foot than in his chair. Highlights to me that invisible disabilities are still so misunderstood

My DD is profoundly disabled. She uses a wheelchair and cannot walk or talk or eat. She doesn’t look, apparently, “that disabled”, or do I’ve been told.
My main gripe is changing facilities. I don’t know anywhere that I can change her. She’s only give snd I’ve not idea how this will carry on as time goes on.
Train? No facilities.
Plane? No facilities.
Lovely local restaurants and pubs? No facilities..
it’s very depressing

I have recently ( over the last couple of years) been aware that I’m not hearing as well as I did and am currently waiting for hearing aids to be fitted. I tell people that I have a hearing difficulty and they ignore it, talking whilst walking away, turning their back etc. The worst is my dentist, who, of necessity, wears a mask and visor, but I cannot understand her at all. I tell her each visit that I’m not hearing well and each visit she talks to me and I’ve no idea what she’s saying.

In the scheme of things, my difficulty is minimal, but it has made me more aware of how people with hidden disabilities are treated.

@Silverangels Ohhhh so you're now saying she admits it? Nonsense. You're just seeing a child acting 'normal' and deciding for yourself that there's nothing wrong with him. Disgraceful behaviour.

I’m deaf and can empathise with all the other comments of from those who have hearing difficulties. Also the PP who said that their boss wouldn’t make reasonable adjustments because it was unfair on other employees (despite it being THE LAW). For be the biggest killer is the social isolation and being made to feel like an inconvenience when asking for a small adjustment e.g. sitting with my back to the wall in a restaurant to help reduce background noise.

Lots of love and hugs to everyone who has suffered discrimination because of disability. I know a few people who have, and are similar to the things that have happened to people on this thread.

Whatever
you pick a fight with yourself as I’m stepping away
i know this family-you dont
i know how hard it is to get help and support as my own child had a temporary disability,which thankfully he grew out of but it was hell at the time
i didn’t however,label my child with a disability,go to the doctors,get told there is nothing wrong with him,and then go back

but sure-you know better than me based on an anonymous person on the internet

i won’t be bothering with you anymore

to everyone else-I’m sorry about derailing the thread-I personally won’t be anymore

Was told I would never be promoted because I have a disability.

My manager fed my guide dog haribo.

Team lunches were booked out of town which I was told it would be best if I didn’t attend because it wouldn’t be fair to expect anyone to carry my dog.

Had an interview offer withdrawn because of my disability, and the employment agent said that it wouldn’t be fair on a sighted person to give me the job if there was potential for the system to not be accessible.

Had a job offer withdrawn because they couldn’t make the system accessible, when I was on radio 4 talking about it they declined to comment.

17% of people with a disability have had a job offer withdrawn because of their disability, and 13% have had an interview withdrawn for the same reasons.

I made a Documentary
about it. Here.

Isn't it funny how one's brain "deletes" stuff? I was just reading another thread and rememembered that two years ago almost to the day I got a new manager whose first words were "wouldn't it be better if you took early retirement because it must be really hard working when you are disabled". No, it wasn't really hard and I told her so. This same phrase in some form or another came up almost every time I spoke to her. When I didn't "take the hint" by June last year, behind my back, she decided to delete my entire team and find jobs elsewhere for everyone else - except for me. I was to be made redundant. And she waited to do it until I was (a) in the middle of undergoing eye surgery on both eyes and (b) on the day (between surgeries) that I went on holiday. Unfortunately for her my union had my phone number. It was a long battle and it was awful. My (very large, public sector) employer had "lost" all the paperwork guaranteeing my post (unfortunately for them I hadn't lost my copies). In the end, and long story short, they capitulated, and I was moved to another post with a much better manager, but not before they denied it all. I decided that I had what I wanted, and it had been an awful several months getting it, so I didn't get to tell them that I had recordings of her comments. And I had actually "forgotten" about this. I guess it was just too much to retain. But I had previously been very involved in our disabled staff forum, and gave that up because it was soul-destroying dealing with the crap that disabled staff got thrown at them from an "equal opportunities employer".

someone earlier in the thread mentioned about things like heavy doors, I think so many places just want to tick the box of being “accessible” without considering what that even means.

we have come across disabled toilets where I struggle to open the door and manoeuvre Ds standard child size wheelchair in so mind boggles how an adult who uses a wheelchair would manage to get in independently!

train stations are the worse our nearest city centre train station has one lift for the station which at a push can fit a wheelchair
and carer in. I don’t know how those with bigger than standard wheelchairs manage.

Team lunches were booked out of town which I was told it would be best if I didn’t attend because it wouldn’t be fair to expect anyone to carry my dog.

You can come in my car. It wouldn't be possible to get any more dog hair in there 😀But you also reminded me of the last Christmas lunch I didn't attend when they asked everyone what they wanted to do, and my response was "anything" but it needed to be accessible as I could only walk a short distance. So they chose a restaurant in the exact middle of an inaccessible pedestrainised city, followed by a pub crawl. After that year I never accepted an invite again.

Too many to name them all! My dd(12) has a wheelchair for reduced mobility. A special place in hell should be reserved for people who block the pavement and dipped kerbs!

Just today, I took her to an activity in the city centre, there is an event taking place tomorrow and they are putting barriers up. I no longer take her to this event as it is an accessibility nightmare. 3 times we had to go in the busy road, as large vehicles had parked all over the pavement and in one place a load of barriers were stacked up, blocking the path. The worst bit was a crossing on a one way street was blocked, so we had to cross further down, nearer the junction and were nearly knocked over by a cyclist going the wrong way down the one way street. The thing is, standing to cross with a wheelchair is very obvious, so he must have seen us. I may have sworn loudly.

I have been known to get quite militant with drivers blocking the kerb. Quite often, they only need to move a few inches to let us past.

From the age of 21 to 32, I had somewhere in the region of 23 jobs. After the last one, I was such a wreck that I didn't work again until I was 40. And even then, I was accused of lying.

You can't take that qualification because you might leave or be sick.
You can't have that secondment because you've had 3 sick days.
It's not fair on the others for you to have time off for a hospital appointment. They have to book eye tests and dentists for after work, you know.
Your sickness absence is a concern. You've had two occasions off this year and you have to guarantee that you will not be absent again for the next twelve months.
Your refusal to move the desk and other furniture is concerning, as we need everybody to be more helpful. (desk job)
Why can't you carry that heavy item? Well everybody has backache sometimes, you just get on with it. Your refusal and asking somebody else to help you is a disciplinary matter. (desk job)
The lift is for disabled people. You know, people in wheelchairs, not those who don't want to walk up the stairs. (desk job)
Put the piano from Room 9 on the stage. (was desk job, came in one day to find that it had turned into a purely physical job instead)
They're only 35kg and the size of an armchair. It's only one level up from here. (desk job)
We can't afford to pay for an access gantry to change the bulbs. It's your job to replace them. (desk job).
It's not my job to think how you are going to get 97 separate items of large equipment from here to the other place. It's only half a mile, you could walk it.
It's perfectly normal to work from 7am until midnight for a week. I do it all the time as management. It's really offensive that you asked if you could take a break at 5pm.
I'm really disappointed that you don't want to volunteer for Saturday and Sunday mornings for the next three months. We want teamplayers, not people who want money or their weekends when we're busy.
It really doesn't look professional for you to have your arm in a sling. And that leg brace makes you walk funny. Can you not keep those things for when you're at home?
They might be comfortable and supportive shoes, but they are not formal dress shoes with a small heel. We could lend you the money to buy some courts, but you'd have to pay it back at payday.
Oh yes, my feet hurt, too. Well, they did until I bought these and they're so comfortable, they're like walking on air! You need to get shoes like mine (shows off distinctive red soled heels).
We need you to look, well, happier. It's very disconcerting to see you like this.
NOISE NOISE ILLEGAL LEVELS OF NOISE NOISE NOISE It's very unprofessional to indicate that you won't listen to somebody until they step into a quieter area like you're ordering them around. Of course you could hear them, they could hear you, don't be silly saying things like that. 'Illegal' levels of noise? I don't think I like your attitude.
Thank you for your application. You have not demonstrated how you met the necessary attributes in your application. We are a two ticks employer. (The application was for exactly the same job, but I'd explained a gap in employment truthfully).
As you are unable to provide a reference from your line manager for the period between x and y (because you were in receipt of disability benefits for that period and not working as you had already said), we are withdrawing our offer of employment.
Dear Occupational Health. The employee claims she has arthritis but is young. Please establish the truth.
Dear Occupational Health. Please check your records as the employee claims arthritis was declared on application and cleared by you.
Why did you take this job when you knew you weren't up to it physically? (I didn't. I was cleared for a desk job, not the physical one you've forced me into).
What do you mean you won't tell me why I saw you coming out of occy health this morning? I'm your manager, I have the right to know what's wrong with you.
I know the staged return said you finish at 3 today, but how are me and Fred supposed to unload the van at 7pm by ourselves when it's dark and there's no lights from the parking area to the building? We need you to do it.
Oh, no, nobody takes lunchbreaks here. Nobody's ever asked to before. We're a team, you see.
Thank you, everybody, for attending this teambuilding evening. There are drinks and nibbles in the meeting room for everybody and you can go home if you like. Be careful, the external lights are off as it's past 10pm. Oh, and thank you so much for the flowers, it's terribly hard work for me to arrange these activities, but I do it all for the team. Mooncup, just make sure everything is cleared up and put away ready for the morning before you go. There's only nine rooms and everything around site to do. See you at 7am sharp tomorrow when I'll be recovering from this evening. (she arrived at 10.30am because she was 'tired').
No, we don't sit down, it's more professional to stand up for four hours after a nine hour work day.

Random shit like that, no secure employment, no mortgage, no pension to speak of.

I was told, by the head of service that I wouldn't be able to do my job for much longer because someone he knew was in a wheelchair by 40 with Multiple Sclerosis.

Even if I was in a wheelchair by 40 I'd be able to do my job.

DD couldn't go on her school trip due to her disability.
School said this was fine as not everyone went and there was an alternative activity organised.

Alternative was also inaccessible for her.

Heavy doors!

I occasionally need to use a wheelchair and it’s looking more and more likely I’ll need to use it alot more.

I noticed those doors in the so called accessible lifts, the ones that are added to tick a box, don’t open automatically. You gotta pull the door open. And it’s heavy!

I think I’ve been pretty lucky; I’ve experienced more positive discrimination than negative. Big employers fell over themselves to tick the “employ a disabled” person in graduate schemes and I’m not aware I’ve ever been passed over for a job because I’m deaf.
I can’t hear mutterings behind my back (there was a classic example in lockdown - I’d taken one of my teenagers with me to a shop as masks were tricky), and someone started saying how irresponsible it was of me to shop with more than one person. I was blissfully unaware, which was probably the ideal response as they got no satisfaction at all 🤣. Similarly I’ve often thought that I have benefitted from never hearing wolf whistles or crude remarks from men on the street.

So I suppose I’m saying that there are positives too. No one should have to go through what people have listed above, and I still wouldn’t choose to be deaf. But it’s not all bad either.

The ongoing verbal abuse because of my inability to wear a mask at times. I wore one whenever I could. I never saw the men around me not wearing one ever be verbally abused. During Covid being blocked from entering the closest door in M&S, I stood my ground. The other door was a few minutes walk away. They also don't allow trolleys at the self serve, but only have one till on. I can't stand for long, so push my trolley to the end of the self serve, which usually has my bags and only a couple of items, then walk through without it and get my shopping out, to use the end till. My youngest GC has had a wait for hearing aids, because of Covid, inefficiency and then the Queen's funeral bank holiday. People don't understand what it means to be partially deaf and how easy it is to make communication work.

Being told what I can and can't do or someone assuming what I can or can't do drives me mad.

Also the blocking of dropped curbs or even a pavement just coming to a stop or even worse no dropped curb on the other side with no way to cross for a mobility scooter.

Being told I shouldn't be using a blue badge space also gets wearing too. They soon change their minds when my mobility scooter or crutches come out of the car though.

Having to go through the trauma of PIP assessments too. It's really degrading and then when you get the report they have twisted what you say. At that point I haven't got the energy or mental health to appeal so I leave it as is.

We had the same thing with Jet2 staff when I asked them for a disability lanyard they told me so many people ask for assistance for autism and ADHD when it's not needed and to queue with everyone else. Didn't get a lanyard and they said if he has a meltdown just go to the front. They have lanyards at airports for disabled guests btw.

Uni tried to kick me out of my nursing degree saying I was unable to cope on placement. Which was news to the placement I was on at the time who had not reported any concerns and actually fought my corner to let me continue my course. Graduated with no further issues.

Interviewed for what would have been my first job and got rejected. Got the same job through a different route when the manager had changed. Was told by previous manager that had interviewed me who was working in a different role that they didn't want to employ me because of my disability but they'd had to come up with another reason. Had that job for a year with no issues.

Manager of my current job disclosed my disability to staff after I got the job and accepted it but before I started working, basically to give them a 'heads up'. I found this out some months later from a colleague I'd become friends with.

I have mild cerebral palsy and have been working in healthcare since 16. I'm now 28.

I actually wanted the lanyard because my son was getting to the point where people were staring at him as he couldn't sit in the chair any longer and he's a big teen so got a few stares as he's loud too.

Glad you asked...

I have a neurological condition which means I walk with a stick. I never really understood the term "microagressions" until I became visibly disabled (I'm white).

Daily things which upset me....
Being looked up and down for having a stick

Not being offered assistance / ignored in shops

People sitting in the priority seat when others are free. Usually with their feet up or their bag on the seat next to them. You are judged for doing this.

People being really shirty about giving up the priority seat on the train (don't sit in it then!)

People walking into you like you don't exist

People talking to my husband instead of me.

People saying how sorry they feel for me... Thanks??

& Systemic ableism....
Disabled Railcard doesn't apply to season tickets on my train line. This really sends out a message that disabled people don't work!

Blue parking pass / PIP applications. You are treated with distain for applying.