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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hairdresser has come out as gay

100 replies

watxher · 22/10/2022 12:55

Aibu to feel sorry for his wife?

My husband says that they were having problems before so their split may not be entirely down to him being gay. I completely disagree!

They have two children whom I also feel bad for (not because their dad is gay, but because their parents have split).

OP posts:
Thingstodotoday · 22/10/2022 15:21

Lesserspotteddogfish · 22/10/2022 15:15

I totally agree with you about the simpletons, if nothing else, although I wouldn’t have been so rude and condescending about other posters.

Yeah that doesn’t quite work as a rejoinder. You gave it a good go though 🥰.

whiteroseredrose · 22/10/2022 15:21

GatoradeMeBitch · 22/10/2022 14:28

I always feel sorry for the wife in this situation. I've known two men come out as gay, one was pretty bloody obvious and the other not, and in both cases it was definitely when it was convenient timing for them. It didn't seem it was that they'd finally come to terms with who they were, it was that they were financially comfortable, in one case the kids had grown up, and in both cases there was a male partner waiting in the wings.

So many people seemed to want to celebrate the triumphant coming out and the bravery, and the wife is just left alone knowing that the marriage she invested decades into was a lie and that she's just supposed to not make a fuss and sell the house and start again (or not, who cares really, because she's not deemed triumphant and brave).

I agree. It's the lies too.

Emotionalsupportviper · 22/10/2022 15:28

Hankunamatata · 22/10/2022 13:24

Feel sorry for both of them. Must be incredibly hard for both if them. Hopefully they can find a way to co parent together

This - especially as there are children involved, and I'm sure they both love them and want to keep things as normal for them s possible.

It's very sad - but ultimately their business and no-one else's.

Hayliebells · 22/10/2022 15:28

Did you start the thread because you're unsure if you should still use him as a hairdresser? If it's not that, I'm unsure what you could potentially be being unreasonable about. If he's a good hairdresser, I'd still use him. I don't have the foggiest what goes on in my hairdressers private life, they could be up to anything, but I don't worry about it as the only relationship I have with them is getting my hair cut.

Snoozer11 · 22/10/2022 15:28

Lesserspotteddogfish · 22/10/2022 13:53

I feel sorry for the wife and children. I don’t feel sorry for him. Surely someone knows if they are gay and shouldn’t then get into a straight relationship. They must know it won’t be fair to the other person.

You'd be surprised at how many couples have an understanding.

It's not outside the realms of possibility that his wife knew all along and they had an agreement.

forevercooking · 22/10/2022 15:29

How do people have the energy to get worked up about these things??

Jedsnewstar · 22/10/2022 15:31

Were you that desperate to tell someone?

Gloryofthe80s · 22/10/2022 15:31

A gay hairdresser!!!!! Whatever next?

Theblacksheepandme · 22/10/2022 15:35

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 22/10/2022 14:53

I agree with you. It’s like when Philip Schofield came out and everybody applauded his bravery. Forgetting his poor wife who birthed and raised his children, committed to a marriage for years all just to be dumped when she’s probably too old to be arsed finding someone who actually fancies her. And the worst thing is she has to appear to be supportive lest she be labelled a homophobe or bitter old hag

Do you really truly believe that Philip Schofields wife didn't know for years that he was gay? If not you are extremely naive.

TheLassWiADelicateAir · 22/10/2022 15:59

Hell, it even used to be a criminal offence to be gay, or lesbian.

It has never been a criminal offence in the UK to be a lesbian. It might not have been socially acceptable but it was not a crime.
**

DietrichandDiMaggio · 22/10/2022 16:10

sst1234 · 22/10/2022 15:01

For the same reason presumably that you chose to click on the thread and comment.

Well I clicked on it to see why a hairdresser coming out as gay would be worthy of comment, never mind a thread. I also wondered if the OP meant her own hairdresser, and whether she was going to say she didn't want them doing her hair anymore (which would obviously be ridiculous).

Emotionalsupportviper · 22/10/2022 16:11

forevercooking · 22/10/2022 15:29

How do people have the energy to get worked up about these things??

And yet you still take the time to post .. . .

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 22/10/2022 16:13

Thingstodotoday · 22/10/2022 15:06

Yes it’s exactly like Phillip Schofield. You have correctly deduced that it’s precisely the same set of circumstances despite having zero information on either party. 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

Well it’s the same as in it was 2 gay men married to women who came out well into their marriages and some of us feel sorry for the women. Not just why you have given me a PA clap 🤣

Emotionalsupportviper · 22/10/2022 16:15

Theblacksheepandme · 22/10/2022 15:35

Do you really truly believe that Philip Schofields wife didn't know for years that he was gay? If not you are extremely naive.

Possibly not - but I'll bet that she didn't expect to be dumped in the shi*t like she was - and what about this daughters?

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 22/10/2022 16:16

Theblacksheepandme · 22/10/2022 15:35

Do you really truly believe that Philip Schofields wife didn't know for years that he was gay? If not you are extremely naive.

Considering I don’t know either of them personally I have no idea but I suppose I can’t imagine why anybody would ever stick around in those circumstances

MrsMitford3 · 22/10/2022 16:44

What is the relevance of him being a hairdresser?

Very odd post

Theblacksheepandme · 22/10/2022 17:12

Emotionalsupportviper · 22/10/2022 16:15

Possibly not - but I'll bet that she didn't expect to be dumped in the shi*t like she was - and what about this daughters?

Considering the daughters are in their 20's I think they would have known for years. I can guarantee you that it wasn't the bombshell that you or LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet think it was for them.

Lesserspotteddogfish · 22/10/2022 18:55

Thingstodotoday · 22/10/2022 15:21

Yeah that doesn’t quite work as a rejoinder. You gave it a good go though 🥰.

I’m not sure why it doesn’t work, perhaps I’m too much of a simpleton to understand, just as I don’t understand how some people think it’s ok for a person who has hardships because they are gay to hide it at the expense of others, and find it hard to believe they don’t realise they are gay until later years.

Snoozer11 · 22/10/2022 21:27

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 22/10/2022 16:16

Considering I don’t know either of them personally I have no idea but I suppose I can’t imagine why anybody would ever stick around in those circumstances

Gee, I wonder why she decided to stick around with her husband, the multi millionaire...

Snoozer11 · 22/10/2022 21:39

Emotionalsupportviper · 22/10/2022 16:15

Possibly not - but I'll bet that she didn't expect to be dumped in the shi*t like she was - and what about this daughters?

Yes but when she agreed to go along with the charade, She signed up to dealing with the inevitable fallout. She must have factored that this could happen.

He works with one of his daughters. They've all worked together to keep his predatory behaviour with young boys he has power over out of the tabloids.

They're complicit.

There are two types of these men who enter into straight relationships. The first kind, like Gareth Thomas, are loathsome. They live a lie, sleep around with men behind their wife's back and marry to try and suppress their sexuality.

Then there are those who marry, but it's largely a marriage of convenience. Either that, or the husband is bi or gay and doesn't make a secret of it. To some people, appearances count for everything, and if they're seen as an attractive couple with a nice house and car, then that's all that matters to them.

I suspect, given this man is a hairdresser, that this may not have come as a surprise to his wife. I know of two male hairdressers who are now in relationships with women, sharing a life together, but have been with other men in the past.

This is common knowledge and there's no way their partners can be unaware of it.

Emotionalsupportviper · 23/10/2022 07:57

He works with one of his daughters. They've all worked together to keep his predatory behaviour with young boys he has power over out of the tabloids.

They're complicit.

I hadn't realised that - that his wife and daughters facilitated his predatory behaviour. If you're right, I agree that it's unforgivable behaviour.

I've never liked him, but I had felt sympathy for his family. Not now.

Thingstodotoday · 23/10/2022 11:06

Lesserspotteddogfish · 22/10/2022 18:55

I’m not sure why it doesn’t work, perhaps I’m too much of a simpleton to understand, just as I don’t understand how some people think it’s ok for a person who has hardships because they are gay to hide it at the expense of others, and find it hard to believe they don’t realise they are gay until later years.

Never heard of compulsory heterosexuality then? I know many people that didn’t realise they were gay until later years. Only someone extraordinarily lacking in critical thinking skills would find this “hard to believe”. This is the assertion that I’m objecting to. It’s disingenuous and yes it makes you sound like a complete simpleton.

iklboo · 23/10/2022 12:28

You need to be very careful posting about 'predatory behaviour' and being 'complicit'. Unless you have cast iron proof.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 23/10/2022 12:48

It's probably slightly less hurtful to her self-worth than her husband leaving for a 19 year old apprentice because 'she's not a boring old woman who's let herself go like you'.

Snoozer11 · 24/10/2022 12:52

iklboo · 23/10/2022 12:28

You need to be very careful posting about 'predatory behaviour' and being 'complicit'. Unless you have cast iron proof.

Do I really?

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