Hairdresser has come out as gay

[watxher]

Aibu to feel sorry for his wife?

My husband says that they were having problems before so their split may not be entirely down to him being gay. I completely disagree!

They have two children whom I also feel bad for (not because their dad is gay, but because their parents have split).

Completely agree OP it would be heartbreaking for the kids not only have their parents split yet they have to come to to terms with their father being gay. No matter how much people can be what they want to be it would still cause confusion and upset regardless!

I always feel sorry for the wife in this situation. I've known two men come out as gay, one was pretty bloody obvious and the other not, and in both cases it was definitely when it was convenient timing for them. It didn't seem it was that they'd finally come to terms with who they were, it was that they were financially comfortable, in one case the kids had grown up, and in both cases there was a male partner waiting in the wings.

So many people seemed to want to celebrate the triumphant coming out and the bravery, and the wife is just left alone knowing that the marriage she invested decades into was a lie and that she's just supposed to not make a fuss and sell the house and start again (or not, who cares really, because she's not deemed triumphant and brave).

Your only concern should be whether of not you like his hairdressing.

Whatever is going on in his own life is hardly your business and definitely not fodder for an online public forum which could be quite outing. I can’t imagine his wife would thank you for spouting her business all over the internet!!!

Is he is now shagging Boris and in receipt of government contracts?

If they know they are gay then it’s wrong to visit any problems they have because of that on some unsuspecting partner.

He’s your hairdresser.
Why on earth are you asking strangers on the internet what they feel about his life ?

I mean to be fair she did marry a hairdresser. Bit optimistic of her.

I think you are way too invested here.

Fucking hell. He’s your hairdresser.

Just get your barnet cut and be off on your merry way.

This is absolutely none of your business- let alone posting it on a public forum 🙄

and the wife is just left alone knowing that the marriage she invested decades into was a lie

Again, it's totally incorrect to presume that these marriages are always a sham, someone has been deceitful, and that the wife is invariably led up the garden path and used as a 'beard'. It's just not the case at all. Sometimes it's the woman in the marriage who realises they are the gay one, and irrespective of who is what, the marriage still involves two people and it's rare for anyone to come out of that totally unaffected by it ending when the other one is in bits.

Not everything is motivated by self-interest or deceit, although it seems to be the world that a huge proportion of mumsnetters live in. It must be enormously tiring to live your life presuming the absolute worst of everyone else all the time.

Unless you know his wife, can't see why it is any of your business.

Of course YANBU to feel sorry for the wife and children, I'm sure everyone does.

YABU to gossip about it. I know it's anonymous but I think there's something off with you posting this here.

I agree with you. It’s like when Philip Schofield came out and everybody applauded his bravery. Forgetting his poor wife who birthed and raised his children, committed to a marriage for years all just to be dumped when she’s probably too old to be arsed finding someone who actually fancies her. And the worst thing is she has to appear to be supportive lest she be labelled a homophobe or bitter old hag

Are the children grown up and he owns the salon? If so this could be my old boss he would cheat with men while playing the straight loyal hairdressing husband to darling wifey.

Hear hear. God there’s some simpletons on this thread.

I mean sure I feel bad for the wife, especially if she didn’t know about them being gay before getting married, but I also feel bad for him because he must have grown up in an environment that made him feel like he couldn’t be himself and he’s missed out on a lot growing up. Imagine growing up, getting married and having children and not realizing until well into your adult years that you’ve never truly been in lot and you passed up those opportunities to try to force a relationship that you knew deep down would never work.

I passed up two relationships in high school that could have been really special because I was closeted bisexual. And while I’m very much happy and in love with my husband I think about that all the time and I feel very sad. I pretty much missed out on the fun dating part of high school years and forced myself to date shitty boys that didn’t care when I could have been dating beautiful caring sensitive girls that had a lot in common with me. And it is all because of my parents idiot religious beliefs.

For the same reason presumably that you chose to click on the thread and comment.

Why is this anything to do with you and why is this man's private life a subject for discussion on an open forum? You are the equivalent of the gossipy old woman, nattering across the fence to her neighbours.

This is very true, and I always wonder why the "none of your business" bods are bothering posting... After all it's none of their business what the OP gives headspace to...

Maybe she knew he was gay and married him anyway? It's not hugely uncommon, especially in cultures/areas where being gay is still hugely stigmatised.

Maybe she's gay too but they both wanted children. Who knows.

Yes it’s exactly like Phillip Schofield. You have correctly deduced that it’s precisely the same set of circumstances despite having zero information on either party. 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

Oh the irony.

I think your main concern should be whether he cuts your hair well.

True. I’m sure there is plenty of pain to go around. It’s an awful situation for both parties. I wouldn’t blame the wife for being upset and I wouldn’t call her a homophobe or a bitter old hag. She has a right to have feelings about the situation.

I totally agree with you about the simpletons, if nothing else, although I wouldn’t have been so rude and condescending about other posters.

I'm not sure how it's any of your business what your hairdressers marital status is or sexual orientation? Are you trying to weigh up how hard to judge them?

For the record I think that sounds like a really difficult and upsetting situation for everyone involved and it's probably taken a lot for him to come out especially knowing the impact it will have on people he loves so having clients gossip and judge will just make it harder on them all.