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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at my son's friend

61 replies

amigrumpy · 22/10/2022 06:36

On Thursday night my son (age 21) planned to go out with a friend. Bear in mind I don't know the friend well, although he seems nice enough.

The friend came to my house straight from work to drop his bag off first.

I then heard him in the shower! I then find out, via my son, that he would be stopping the night.

I asked the friend not to use the family bathroom in the morning as it’s in use by three of the family who all leave at similar times (it is like a well oiled machine). I told him to use the ensuite in my son's room that he’s sleeping in.

So what happens? Yep, Friday morning I heard him in the shower again in the family bathroom again for AGES, just at the time everyone needs to be getting ready.

Nobody else could get in the loo or washed and were all late for work and school!

I then heard the front door open and shut and the friend just left without saying anything!

I won't be letting him stop again in a hurry!

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 22/10/2022 06:42

It does sound annoying but you could have all used the en-suite instead

romdowa · 22/10/2022 06:43

You should be annoyed at your son. He's the one who should have made sure that his guest used the ensuit

HollyBollyBooBoo · 22/10/2022 06:45

But you could have just used the en suite in your sons room.

No need for lateness or all this drama over something so small.

susan12345678 · 22/10/2022 06:45

If there is an en suite in your son's bedroom, presumably there are other showers in the house?

I do agree that the friend sounds annoying and inconsiderate though

Changingplace · 22/10/2022 06:45

Surely the conversation should be with your son? This friend must’ve discussed staying over with him, he didn’t just rock up of his own accord.

It’s your son you need to talk to, about setting boundaries for his visitors.

And why couldn’t anyone else use your sons en-suite?

EmilyGilmoresSass · 22/10/2022 06:50

And you couldn't have survived without a shower for one morning, in order to get to work on time?

pompomdaisy · 22/10/2022 06:50

Yep you seem to have absolved your son of any responsibility in this issue. He also seems to have selected his friends on that basis!

Original poster
amigrumpy · 22/10/2022 06:50

And we couldn't have all used the en-suite instead as everyone's toothbrush,
toiletries, make up and hair products etc are in the family bathroom. Also, we didn't all want to start walking into the bedroom his friends was sleeping in.

Yes, I'm frustrated at my son too, although (rightly or wrongly) he wasn't aware as he was still asleep at that time.

It seems pointless that I even had the conversation with his friend. I wouldn't have two showers without checking it was ok.

OP posts:
YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 22/10/2022 06:55

As everyone else said, have a word with your son to make sure it doesn’t happen again. No biggie and I certainly wouldn’t be stopping the friend from staying again.

The Thursday night shower wouldn’t have even hit my radar.

toogoodforthisworld · 22/10/2022 06:57

It's a pain isn't it. Tell your son that you don't want it happening again.
That boy has bad manners. He should have at least said bye!
when my boys friends stop over they have to ask for a towel as I hide them from the kids.. otherwise my kids would use a different huge bath towel every day! Wink

girlmom21 · 22/10/2022 06:59

I would tell your son this friend isn't welcome again. He's a grown man with no basic manners or consideration.

FindingMeno · 22/10/2022 07:01

Oh well, could be worse.

TabithaTittlemouse · 22/10/2022 07:02

The drama!

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/10/2022 07:05

Did you directly tell the friend not to use the bathroom in the morning? Or was it via your ds? Your ds needs to tell all his friends that the family bathroom is out of bounds. I think perhaps I’d tell your ds he and anyone else, who can’t follow basic instructions cannot stay over on a day, when you need the bathroom early the next day. Natural consequences so to speak.

Tiani4 · 22/10/2022 07:06

girlmom21 · 22/10/2022 06:59

I would tell your son this friend isn't welcome again. He's a grown man with no basic manners or consideration.

This

Friend was asked to use en-ensuite in the morning not the family bathroom as you all have school and work

Friend instead spent ages in daily bathroom. Friend doesn't stay over again. Full stop. There's two of my DDs friends who are not allowed to stay over at my house again- one who stole (money) from my purse and DDs younger sister's bedroom; and one who woke me & household up repeatedly on one birthday sleepover with her drama and crying at age 14- "wailing" outside my youngest's and my bedrooms at 1-4 am .

It's weird your son doesn't ask you first if someone is staying over, you have younger DCs, it is your family home. All my DCs ask (some are adults) and usually I say of course

Tiani4 · 22/10/2022 07:09

Quite a few of my friends have a no overnight visitors friends or bf/gf in the week as it's school or work night for others.
It might be worth telling your son that. And that any of his guests use his en-suite nor the family bathroom

Clymene · 22/10/2022 07:10

Why didn't you bang on the door? Wake your son up? Why so passive?

PortiasBiscuit · 22/10/2022 07:11

I dream of a world where I would have the emotional energy and time to let something like this bother me…

girlmom21 · 22/10/2022 07:16

PortiasBiscuit · 22/10/2022 07:11

I dream of a world where I would have the emotional energy and time to let something like this bother me…

Well you'd probably have time to be bothered by it while you're waiting for the bathroom and getting later and later for work

LynetteScavo · 22/10/2022 07:19

We would have all hammered on the door and told him to get out. DD would have had an absolute screaming fit on the landing if she couldn't get in the bathroom and thought she was going to miss her train.

WhatNoRaisins · 22/10/2022 07:26

I'd have been banging on the door, if you act like you don't mind people will more than likely take for granted that you don't mind.

semideponent · 22/10/2022 07:27

Seems like the story of Mr Restricted, Mr Entitled and Mrs Rigid.

Hobbesmanc · 22/10/2022 07:30

EmilyGilmoresSass · 22/10/2022 06:50

And you couldn't have survived without a shower for one morning, in order to get to work on time?

Gosh no. I can't imagine going to work without a shower. Plus all her toiletries were in there.

Maybe your son was in the en-suite ? So his friend had to use the main bathroom?

summergone · 22/10/2022 07:34

That's so rude of him ! Rude to have the second shower too he could have just showered when he got home .

Howeverdoyouneedme · 22/10/2022 07:36

That would have pissed me off.