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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at my son's friend

61 replies

amigrumpy · 22/10/2022 06:36

On Thursday night my son (age 21) planned to go out with a friend. Bear in mind I don't know the friend well, although he seems nice enough.

The friend came to my house straight from work to drop his bag off first.

I then heard him in the shower! I then find out, via my son, that he would be stopping the night.

I asked the friend not to use the family bathroom in the morning as it’s in use by three of the family who all leave at similar times (it is like a well oiled machine). I told him to use the ensuite in my son's room that he’s sleeping in.

So what happens? Yep, Friday morning I heard him in the shower again in the family bathroom again for AGES, just at the time everyone needs to be getting ready.

Nobody else could get in the loo or washed and were all late for work and school!

I then heard the front door open and shut and the friend just left without saying anything!

I won't be letting him stop again in a hurry!

OP posts:
Everydayimhuffling · 22/10/2022 07:38

You could have used the ensuite to go to the loo at least. I don't understand why you didn't hammer on the door and get him out of there, and why you didn't wake your son. As soon as he got out one of you could have grabbed their toiletries and used the ensuite.

Yes, he was unreasonable and I wouldn't let him stay again, but it also seems like you could have helped yourselves a bit here.

Changingplace · 22/10/2022 07:43

amigrumpy · 22/10/2022 06:50

And we couldn't have all used the en-suite instead as everyone's toothbrush,
toiletries, make up and hair products etc are in the family bathroom. Also, we didn't all want to start walking into the bedroom his friends was sleeping in.

Yes, I'm frustrated at my son too, although (rightly or wrongly) he wasn't aware as he was still asleep at that time.

It seems pointless that I even had the conversation with his friend. I wouldn't have two showers without checking it was ok.

If the friend was in the shower in the family bathroom he clearly wasn’t sleeping in your sons room at that point so that’s not a reason not to use the en-suite.

WeAreLateAgain · 22/10/2022 07:46

If your son was sleeping, maybe this is why the friend used the family bathroom to avoid waking him up.

StClare101 · 22/10/2022 07:47

EmilyGilmoresSass · 22/10/2022 06:50

And you couldn't have survived without a shower for one morning, in order to get to work on time?

Gross. No.

Devoutspoken · 22/10/2022 07:51

Ah the ignorant self centredness of youth

ThatshallotBaby · 22/10/2022 07:58

PortiasBiscuit · 22/10/2022 07:11

I dream of a world where I would have the emotional energy and time to let something like this bother me…

I'm with you Grin
It’s another world.

Oblomov22 · 22/10/2022 08:14

YABVU. Your anger is misdirected. You are angry at this boy but you should be angry with your son. Your Son should've asked you if it was ok to have somebody to stay. Plus the boys done nothing wrong. maybe didn't wanna use the ensuite to wake your son. and he left without a word so would I! that's the normal thing to do, you leave quietly - how can that be so wrong?

MsCactus · 22/10/2022 08:17

Your son didn't make this clear to his friend - not his friends fault, he doesn't know the rules about staying.

You should be annoyed at your son, it's definitely him who's messed up here

PAFMO · 22/10/2022 08:21

amigrumpy · 22/10/2022 06:50

And we couldn't have all used the en-suite instead as everyone's toothbrush,
toiletries, make up and hair products etc are in the family bathroom. Also, we didn't all want to start walking into the bedroom his friends was sleeping in.

Yes, I'm frustrated at my son too, although (rightly or wrongly) he wasn't aware as he was still asleep at that time.

It seems pointless that I even had the conversation with his friend. I wouldn't have two showers without checking it was ok.

In the real world, if someone is invited to stay at someone's house, the possibility of a daily shower is kind of a given tbf.

PAFMO · 22/10/2022 08:30

Bit confusing though that the OP didn't want to walk into the bedroom where the (unwanted and unwelcome) guest was sleeping to use the en-suite because he was sleeping in there, except he wasn't because the cheeky fucker was, in fact, having a shower in the family bathroom.

Not surprised he left without saying goodbye. (Obviously he left because he was going to work and didn't want to disturb anybody, but I'd like to think he ran as fast as he could to tell his mates what unfriendly weirdos you all are @amigrumpy )

Did you do or say anything remotely nice? Or once you discovered your son hadn't told you about this hygiene freak monster who'd be staying over, did you just go in there hard with the showering regulations?

CaronPoivre · 22/10/2022 08:31

Did you not bang on the door and tell him to get to the ensuite?

clpsmum · 22/10/2022 08:33

HollyBollyBooBoo · 22/10/2022 06:45

But you could have just used the en suite in your sons room.

No need for lateness or all this drama over something so small.

This. One morning fgs get over it

crossstitchingnana · 22/10/2022 08:40

This would piss me off too.

HoHoHowMuch · 22/10/2022 08:41

I really don't understand why you were so polite. I would have been banging on the bathroom door and waking son up. They are being selfish, so make it their problem.

JessesMum777888 · 22/10/2022 08:42

Your son is 21. It’s his conversation to have with his mate if he stays again. Other wise it surely isn’t a massive drama it was ONE day ?

Whataretheodds · 22/10/2022 08:43

Why does noone use the other shower (in the en suite) normally ?

Livelovebehappy · 22/10/2022 09:18

As a one off type of situation, I wouldn’t give it headspace tbh. If your son mentions he’s staying over again at any point in the future, just remind him to let his friend know that whilst a shower in the evening is fine, that he should tell his friend to stick to the en-suite the following morning. As far as saying goodbye, I get that it grates. I’ve brought my DCs up to always be polite (hopefully they are when with others) and to always say thank you, but unfortunately not all families have the same values.

bakebeans · 22/10/2022 10:01

I think it's your son whom you should have spoken to! what if another friend wants to stay? Establish some house rules with your son now for any potential future guests gate crashing.

girlmom21 · 22/10/2022 10:11

MsCactus · 22/10/2022 08:17

Your son didn't make this clear to his friend - not his friends fault, he doesn't know the rules about staying.

You should be annoyed at your son, it's definitely him who's messed up here

OP spoke to his friend the night before and asked him to use the en-suite, not the family bathroom. It couldn't have been any clearer

saraclara · 22/10/2022 10:16

Why didn't you just knock on the door and tell him that you needed the shower?

I have no idea why people let themselves be inconvenienced and wound up when the problem could be resolved so quickly and easily.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 22/10/2022 10:21

He was rude but the bigger fault lies with your DS.

PhillySub · 22/10/2022 10:36

You should have warned your son about the ground rules and told him that he would be responsible before the friend visited. That oversight is down to you.

Hankunamatata · 22/10/2022 10:38

Perhaps he thought it was early enough he wouldn't get in the way and didn't want to wake up your son by using en suite

Summerfun54321 · 22/10/2022 10:54

Why didn’t you bang on the door and tell him to get out? There’s no way I would have just waited politely in my own house for someone who I’d already told not to use the bathroom.

Testina · 22/10/2022 10:59

“Nobody else could get in the loo or washed and were all late for work and school!”

That’s just ridiculous.

Why on earth wouldn’t you wake your son and say, “I told your friend not to use the family bathroom, go knock on the door and tell him to wrap a towel and do a dash to the en-suite, we’ll stay in our rooms for 30 seconds”.

Literally sorted. But you chose to all be late for school and work - I mean, you actually let your children go into school after the bell because you didn’t have the wit to knock on a door?