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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you let your 13 yr old watch or play 18s?

224 replies

Offandonagain · 21/10/2022 16:51

I know the rating is 18, but personally I think that is unreasonable and totally depends on the film.

My 13yr old is not allowed to watch psycho/horror gore Halloween type films such as Halloween at this rating, or sexy stuff such as Wolf of Wall Street

But he has gta on his computer due to him moaning to me that his friends have it and he wants to be able to play with them.

He is also currently on to season 2 of breaking bad, which I didn’t realise he was watching until yesterday as he’d binge watched it whilst ill and I was in work. I’ve seen them all and know what to expect. I don’t want to stop him because he’s really in to it and I know if it was me I’d be pissed off.

yabu - bad bad parent

yanbu - it depends on the individual film/game?

OP posts:
CatGrins · 21/10/2022 17:15

Offandonagain · 21/10/2022 17:14

He didn’t moan or badger me. He said good friends have gta, I want to play with them. Can I please? I said yeah, sure.

Show quote history

You're the one who said he was moaning.

Soubriquet · 21/10/2022 17:15

I take it case by case here.

My 7 and 9 year old have seen films rated 15. As long as there is nothing sexual, they go for it.

Morceaux · 21/10/2022 17:17

I watched lots of 18 rated tv shows and movies at around that age.

Also played 18 rated games, but they weren’t very realistic back then.

I’d consider 18 rated games now on a case by case basis.

It might be prudent to go on PornHub and search for GTA V to get an idea of what you’re exposing your child to (if you’re not already aware).

If you wouldn’t buy your 13 year old a soft core porn video, I’m not sure why you’d buy them GTA V…

ChocFrog · 21/10/2022 17:17

Nope. Terrible parenting. The stuff he sees is literally shaping the way his brain is growing. There is a huge problem in UK with men becoming more violent towards women, particularly sexually, and watching stuff like GTA is a big part of the problem.

GTA right from the start of the game gives points to players for picking up a prostitute, having sex with her, then letting her out of the car, beating her with a bat, running her over with the car and then taking back the money the player just paid her for sex. And the player gets points for this. If your son plays those type of scenarios over and over, how lovely do you think he’s going to be towards women in future?

Why? Why would you?

threegoodthings · 21/10/2022 17:17

Offandonagain · 21/10/2022 17:10

That’s my thinking. He knows that shagging prostitutes is wrong, killing them then stealing their money is also wrong. He’s not stupid.

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So you're ok him role playing this in the first person, but watching the wolf of Wall Street as a passive third party would be wrong? Can you explain your thinking?

DottieCotton · 21/10/2022 17:20

My children are only small (ones still in the womb Grin) but my DH and I had this conversation and we'd take it on a case by case basis and watch it first and then again together so if they had any questions we could answer them.

DH and I was brought up very differently he wasn't allowed to watch any horrors, play any games that weren't age appropriate (although he used to watch his older brothers on GTA so??)

And I was just left to it, I could do whatever I wanted and had no like internet parental blocks ( I unfortunately saw some disturbing things) but I'm a well rounded individual

We're sort of raising our kids in the in between - so not complete restriction but also not complete freedom of it - hopefully it works out idk

Crunchingleaf · 21/10/2022 17:22

Nothing over 18 for my 13 year old. Only one of his friends has GTA.
Be will be allowed over 18 games/films before he is 18 though.
Alot of stuff that is rated over 18 is because of how graphic the violence is and you can become desensitised to violence.

ChocFrog · 21/10/2022 17:23

Oh from reading your other posts I see you don’t actually want advice, just a pointless argument 🙄

You say “he’s not stupid”. But you are literally training his brain chemistry to feel victorious when he thinks about raping and beating up women. How do you know if this now turns him on sexually? He’s not gonna chat with his mum about that is he.

You’re raising just another guy who thinks good sex is sadistic, and humiliating for women. Well done OP. 👏

SummerHouse · 21/10/2022 17:23

It does depend on the film / game for us. But we only consider 15s at the moment for our 13 yr old. 18s are out of the question. It saves our vetting time. GTA will never be played in this house.

FamilyTreeBuilder · 21/10/2022 17:26

Well it depends. Something like Skyrim is an 18 certificate and yes there is a bit of chopping people with axes, but it is very much not real life realistic at all.

Original poster
Offandonagain · 21/10/2022 17:26

ChocFrog · 21/10/2022 17:23

Oh from reading your other posts I see you don’t actually want advice, just a pointless argument 🙄

You say “he’s not stupid”. But you are literally training his brain chemistry to feel victorious when he thinks about raping and beating up women. How do you know if this now turns him on sexually? He’s not gonna chat with his mum about that is he.

You’re raising just another guy who thinks good sex is sadistic, and humiliating for women. Well done OP. 👏

I never said I wanted advice. Just other peoples opinions. To open up a debate/pause for thought… not an argument

OP posts:
Original poster
Offandonagain · 21/10/2022 17:28

I usually use this website for advice. It’s usually pretty good. It says the opposite to what a lot on her are saying about gta

www.commonsensemedia.org/game-reviews/grand-theft-auto-v-2022/user-reviews/adult

OP posts:
FamilyTreeBuilder · 21/10/2022 17:29

Also love that people who know nothing about games think the only one around is Grand Theft Auto.

Nigelladamascena · 21/10/2022 17:29

ChocFrog · 21/10/2022 17:17

Nope. Terrible parenting. The stuff he sees is literally shaping the way his brain is growing. There is a huge problem in UK with men becoming more violent towards women, particularly sexually, and watching stuff like GTA is a big part of the problem.

GTA right from the start of the game gives points to players for picking up a prostitute, having sex with her, then letting her out of the car, beating her with a bat, running her over with the car and then taking back the money the player just paid her for sex. And the player gets points for this. If your son plays those type of scenarios over and over, how lovely do you think he’s going to be towards women in future?

Why? Why would you?

Agree with this.

People wonder why we have Incel groups becoming popular amongst young men. The seed of hate for women was planted in their brain at some point.

Frequency · 21/10/2022 17:30

For me, it depends on the game/film. Halloween, for example, was rated a billion years ago and is fairly mild compared to much of what is available. I'd have no issue allowing a 13yo to watch Halloween.

GTA I'm not sure as I never actually played it or seen any gameplay. I'd lean towards no based on what I'd heard but I would actually have to play the game before deciding as I am aware when reviewing things for suitability parents tend to lean towards hysteria.

threegoodthings · 21/10/2022 17:33

Offandonagain · 21/10/2022 17:28

I usually use this website for advice. It’s usually pretty good. It says the opposite to what a lot on her are saying about gta

www.commonsensemedia.org/game-reviews/grand-theft-auto-v-2022/user-reviews/adult

That website literally says 18 plus, "not for kids".

Original poster
Offandonagain · 21/10/2022 17:34

threegoodthings · 21/10/2022 17:33

That website literally says 18 plus, "not for kids".

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That’s the rating. It’s the reviews on the website that are useful

OP posts:
YoniHuman · 21/10/2022 17:36

No, I’ve let me 14yr old DS watch some 15/16 rated films/tv/but we tend to watch them together, and it’s on a case by case basis.
He has not watched any 18 rated films with us and has not asked too, we are fairly laid back and he knows he can request to play/watch something and we will think about it.
I do not like the excessive gun violence and depiction of women in most 18 rated games which I why I do not allow them. My son has accepted this and knows when he is an adult he will be free to play/watch as he likes.
Yes, he can tell right from wrong but I think too much exposure to such unpleasantness at a young age causes people to become desensitised to it.

threegoodthings · 21/10/2022 17:36

This reply has been deleted

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Dynamicdinosaur · 21/10/2022 17:38

No, he’s allowed to watch 15’s but not 18’s. I’ll review when he’s 15 and probably allow some from late year 10/11

GasPanic · 21/10/2022 17:39

I've played GTA and no it's really not at all suitable for someone of that age.

It's got a lot of really negative adult behaviour in it, ranging from drugs, violence, crim, bad language and sex. It's immersive in the way it gets you to think about how you act and interact with the world, in a way that something like COD (where you just generally go around blasting people) isn't.The story is full of really adult themes. I think it is wrong to normalise these things in people so young.

It's rated 18 for a reason. I'm pretty sure the people at Rockstar spent a lot of time thinking about who the game was suitable for and the themes they wanted to present. After all, if they can widen the audience, they can sell more games. But they chose it to be adult oriented instead.

It is a pretty remarkable piece of software though.

HailAdrian · 21/10/2022 17:45

No way, I'll let my 11yo watch 12s but that's as lenient as I get.

EwwSprouts · 21/10/2022 17:45

No. It's the desensitisation that is cumulative. I see some PP have said they grew up watching 18 films. What is permitted in an 18 film/series now was no way permitted 30 years ago.

Original poster
Offandonagain · 21/10/2022 17:47

HailAdrian · 21/10/2022 17:45

No way, I'll let my 11yo watch 12s but that's as lenient as I get.

No such thing as a 12 now. It’s 12a.

OP posts:
Meagainalready · 21/10/2022 17:48

Offandonagain · 21/10/2022 17:34

That’s the rating. It’s the reviews on the website that are useful

Show quote history

No - those reviews are representative because good parents with firm boundaries are not going on there and reviewing it.

OP there is aplenty of evidence out there why normalising adult themes in films and games is harmful to some young minds. Some will be less affected yes but you have no way of predicting that no matter what you think.
why risk it?
Its ok to have rules and stick to them.