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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Overstayed welcomes & terrible tantrums...

66 replies

remymartinn · 21/10/2022 15:20

Has anyones children's behaviour changed while having family stay?

I have had family visitors since JULY. Since then, my daughters behaviour has become progressively worse to the point she is having tantrums.

Is it attention?

DD who is 4 has just started school, we moved to a new home in April. Dad came to stay in July, sister in August for 4 weeks, then brother in October for 4 weeks. Dad & brother still here.

She doesn't know my dad & brother well at all, they haven't seen her since she was a baby. They try to discipline her but it ends in tears, they try telling me how to discipline her (brother especially, he's like the male version of supernanny). My daughter tells me all the time she doesn't like her uncle, she loves my dad though.

I'm so tired of trying to keep the peace.

Has anyone had any similar issues?

OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 21/10/2022 15:22

She doesn't know my dad & brother well at all, they haven't seen her since she was a baby. They try to discipline her but it ends in tears, they try telling me how to discipline her (brother especially, he's like the male version of supernanny). My daughter tells me all the time she doesn't like her uncle, she loves my dad though.

Tell them to stop bullying your child.
Also that their visit is now over.

DD will get back to normal once you have re-established her routine.

Original poster
remymartinn · 21/10/2022 15:24

@KettrickenSmiled bullying is a strong word

OP posts:
Thatiswild · 21/10/2022 15:24

Totally normal for behaviour to deteriorate if their home is invaded by people they don’t know well - esp for months. Time for them to go home, it’s totally unfair on your child - and you! I would be tantrumming too at this point :)

Theskyisfallingdown · 21/10/2022 15:24

Don’t allow these men to ‘discipline’ your child, and remove them from your kids home.

gamerchick · 21/10/2022 15:24

Your daughters behavior is communication. Time to remove the parasites from her home and stop them from bullying her. Wtf man.

Original poster
remymartinn · 21/10/2022 15:26

@Thatiswild My mood hasn't been great either. I get angry a lot at the build up of dirt that is apparently invisible to the male eye.

I also cook dinner 5/7 nights. Not fair when I've been at work all day...

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 21/10/2022 15:26

Would you like strangers coming into your home and telling you what to do?

worriedatthistime · 21/10/2022 15:26

Why are they staying with you ? Its alright everyone saying they shouldn't be etc but no one knows the reasons
But if are going to allow someone to discipline your child they need to be on the same page as you , so I would allow my mum to discipline my kids but she knew what our boundaries and our discipline was

Maray1967 · 21/10/2022 15:27

It’s time ( long overdue) for your dad and brother to leave.
Why on earth are they disciplining her?
Why are they in your home for this long?

worriedatthistime · 21/10/2022 15:27

Why are you doing all the cooking are they staying as recovering from an illness or just for a visit ?

Theskyisfallingdown · 21/10/2022 15:27

Whatever the reason these people are in your house-get them out. Prioritise your child.

SleeplessInEngland · 21/10/2022 15:29

WTF are you lettin them stay that long?

Theskyisfallingdown · 21/10/2022 15:30

Everyone will get bogged down in the excuse for why the men are in the house but it doesn’t matter. They’re non functioning and are distressing a child.

Original poster
remymartinn · 21/10/2022 15:30

My dad is staying for medical reasons. Having just him here was absolutely fine, he helped a great deal with childcare, decorating, etc.
It's the extra person that makes a difference. My brother is staying because he moved out of his flat to go travelling, needed somewhere to stay for 4 weeks.

OP posts:
Chewmebacca · 21/10/2022 15:31

Agree with the others. You've said yourself you don't enjoy your guest. How do you think DC feels?!

coconutpie · 21/10/2022 15:33

YABU. Your child is not demanding "attention". She is crying out for you to put her first, which you should be doing! You did a house move and then you have family staying who she doesn't know very well for months on end. No wonder she's so upset. Kick your brother out. If he's old enough to go travelling, he's old enough to sort his own accommodation.

Original poster
remymartinn · 21/10/2022 15:33

My issue is, I never saw either of them for 3 years while in my dinghy flat.
As soon as we got a house, I'm suddenly getting people wanting to come & visit. I have vocalised this to them, that I feel convenient.

OP posts:
LadyHarmby · 21/10/2022 15:33

You’ve moved house. She started to school. you’ve had a succession of people staying in your house. She’s probably feeling a bit unsettled, no?!

FlibbertyGiblets · 21/10/2022 15:34

From your daughter's point of view:

  1. I moved to a new house with Mummy
  2. And then a strange man moved in, he is bossy. But I am used to his bossiness now, he stresses Mummy out though.
  3. And then a lady came to stay, she was nice. She didn't stay long.
  4. I started Big School. It is really tiring. 5)Then another man moved in, he is also bossy. I don't like him much. he bosses Mummy about too, just like that other bloke. 6) I don't like it. I wish I could go back to just me and Mummy.
Original poster
remymartinn · 21/10/2022 15:34

@LadyHarmby this is exactly what I have been saying to them time & time again.

OP posts:
FlowerArranger · 21/10/2022 15:35

You need to do more than vocalising.

Kick them out.

Put your daughter first!!!

LadyHarmby · 21/10/2022 15:36

remymartinn · 21/10/2022 15:34

@LadyHarmby this is exactly what I have been saying to them time & time again.

Tell them to leave then! It’s easy to do because you have the perfect reason that no one can argue with - the wellbeing of a 4 year old.

SisterCassandra · 21/10/2022 15:36

remymartinn · 21/10/2022 15:26

@Thatiswild My mood hasn't been great either. I get angry a lot at the build up of dirt that is apparently invisible to the male eye.

I also cook dinner 5/7 nights. Not fair when I've been at work all day...

Don’t you think your daughter is probably picking up on your bad mood and stress, how on earth you actually have any time for her whilst cooking and cleaning up after your two new “children” is unclear also. I think she’ll probably settle down again when they’re gone and things are more normal. Sympathies, it sounds like hard work!

Original poster
remymartinn · 21/10/2022 15:37

@FlibbertyGiblets :'(
You are right.
I never envisaged a divide like this, as obviously I take my daughters side regardless of if she has actually been a bit naughty.
I know deep down they are trying to help, but it's having the opposite effect.

OP posts:
Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 21/10/2022 15:37

Time for your brother to start travelling, OP. Bon voyage.