18 Year old daughter has just told me that she has an STI

[wowitsonefifty]

AIBU to feel both upset about it but happy that she felt she could talk to me about it.She is genuinely shocked which, considering the sex ed they get at home and at school is ongoing. We are in Ireland so she is still at school.I just cant believe she didn't insist on the sexual partner using a condom.It's just not the done thing in our town, she said! She is protected with contraception but feel shocked, actually! This guy is a casual mate.. they were just starting something.... She has rang him and he was very appreciative and acknowledged how difficult it must have been to ring him.I only hope he is genuine because we live in a very small town and if this becomes some idle gossip, I'm not sure how her mental health would cope with that. She has started antibiotics earlier.It's chlamydia so I'm relieved that I brought her to the Dr and in fairness, Dr tested for everything. So, I'm not sure how I feel..horrified, proud, relieved,sad??? Please help me process.She is my eldest and I parent alone.Thanks

It is stupid, but sadly I do think some people find it very hard to say no, particularly when in a situation where we feel vulnerable (which sex with a randomer often is for women). He was being a dick for not wearing a condom.

Presumably she is not on the Pill ( or is she?) and therefore could have become pregnant too?

She's 18, why wouldn't she be on the pill?

Agreed. It’s horrible to read. I think some posters have forgotten what it’s like to be 18 and desperate to fit in (and often to please men to the detriment of your own health ). Assertiveness and a good sense of personal boundaries often come with age and experience.

I am in my 40s but have female friends in their early 20s and was horrified to find out how common unprotected sex is now. I don't think this has anything to do with small towns or Ireland (neither apply to my friends) but is generational.

We grew up with constant exposure to safe sex campaigns and HIV awareness. Many of us have nightmare-inducing memories of seeing the AIDS tombstone advert when we were very young. The Spice Girls even had a lyric about using a condom in one of their songs!

Now that fear has slipped out if focus and sex ed is less of a focus in pop culture. In schools it seems to focus more on consent and pregnancy and the issue of sexual health has fallen by the wayside a bit.

It's easy to be dismissive of the OPs daughter's explanation but if you have everyone around you saying it's not a big deal, all the guys you know re-enforcing that and little in wider culture hammering home its incorrect you can hardly blame her.

An unfortunate consequence of it not being the done thing to wear a condom, sadly! Hopefully this will be a lesson learned and she’ll insist on it in future. A small town with lots of casual teen relationships, nobody using condoms, I bet it’s absolutely rife in her friends too.
It’s a solid testament to your parenting that she felt able to tell you about it though, good job mum!