18 Year old daughter has just told me that she has an STI

[wowitsonefifty]

AIBU to feel both upset about it but happy that she felt she could talk to me about it.She is genuinely shocked which, considering the sex ed they get at home and at school is ongoing. We are in Ireland so she is still at school.I just cant believe she didn't insist on the sexual partner using a condom.It's just not the done thing in our town, she said! She is protected with contraception but feel shocked, actually! This guy is a casual mate.. they were just starting something.... She has rang him and he was very appreciative and acknowledged how difficult it must have been to ring him.I only hope he is genuine because we live in a very small town and if this becomes some idle gossip, I'm not sure how her mental health would cope with that. She has started antibiotics earlier.It's chlamydia so I'm relieved that I brought her to the Dr and in fairness, Dr tested for everything. So, I'm not sure how I feel..horrified, proud, relieved,sad??? Please help me process.She is my eldest and I parent alone.Thanks

Ideally, see if she and partners can get tested before they have sex
This is what I did as I’m allergic* to condoms…it’s not the latex, it’s the silicone based lubricant they put on all of them.

*well, not life threatening allergic but having painful sex resulting in a swollen and sore vagina that usually doesn’t calm down without also developing thrush allergic.

That lubricant is awful. My husband and I both hate it. We tried finding a brand that doesn’t use it but the few that don’t, not only have to be special ordered online but, do not have to correct size. Insanely frustrating especially since hormonal birth control makes me sick.

It's good she found out and is getting it sorted.

What she needs to know from this is that everyone her age in your town probably has Chlamydia, and most of them probably won't get it sorted, and are passing it around continuously. Which is what happens when people don't use cobdoms.

Stress the importance of always using a condom. Not just for STI’s but also pregnancy - the pill isn’t always effective and can be forgotten. Imagine falling pregnant as a teen in Ireland and having no choices over your own body.

Tell her that even if the Mayor themself goes on the evening news and announces you don't use condoms in the town, you use condoms. Hopefully this will be a practical lesson in one of the reasons why.

And, congratulations, you have aced the bit of parenting which means they can come to you for help when things go wrong!

She’s learnt her lesson and there’s no long term damage that’s what matters. I had it at 17. With my current partner I made him get checked before we had sex.

In my area in canada there is currently a chlamydia out break among teens and early 20’s people. People are really having to enforce the idea that condoms and dental dams aren’t a joke.

jtaeapa "My BIL is one of these womanising fuckers who considers getting women into bed not to be enough of a challenge. So the challenge is now to get them to shag without a condom. He's shagged thousands. He's odious."

Doesn't he care about his own sexual health? If he's shagged "thousands" - even if that's hyperbole - surely he must have been infected with various STI's umpteen times and gone on to spread them further. Odious indeed, and stupid.

Yep. Have met many women like us so we are not alone. Condoms are not a solution for everyone.

People are being very harsh and/or naive! I think it's great and a credit to your parenting that she told you. I would never have felt comfortable telling my mum something like that. Her having caught it in the first place does not reflect anything apart from the fact that teens are reckless sometimes, regardless of how much advice they've been given. As are a lot of people in their 20s and 30s tbh. It's good she had this learning experience so young and that she 'only' ended up with something that is easily treatable.

I really think this place brings out the worst in people. The name calling of an 18 year old who made a mistake is really shocking
I was thinking this. Some of the replies are just disgusting, truly vile. Christ, you'd think noone in the history of time had ever had sex without a condom. I was shocked reading the vitriol in some posts.

It's a tough lesson OP but great that she felt able to tell you. You must have a really good relationship. Also a good thing she got symptoms and has been treated as it often lies dormant and causes fertility problems. I hope the man has the decency to tell his previous partners so they can get tested

It'st not the done thing in our town

What the actual fuck!

Acting like having chlamydia is some sort of moral failing like some PPs on here is why those young people are put off getting tested and then unknowingly spread it around!

I have been in this position with my son, except we even had a night in hospital and his grandad took him to a and e.
He lied to doctors about it.
That was when he was 17.
He is 20 now.
You will get over it.

Thank you. I hate that bull being used to excuse every awful behavior by young adults.

What has being in Ireland got to do with it? Condoms have been legal since 1985 there.

Your daughter needs to wise up and grow a backbone.

I would tear rashers off the lad who gave her the STD if I were you.

"it's not the done thing in our town" would be met with "all the more reason to do so" and end. No point ruining the trust she has in you by banging on about it.

It's not the done thing in our town, she said! She is protected with contraception

She needs to wake up to the fact that condoms aren't only for contraception. That may have been the bit she wasn't thinking about.

Help you "process it" christ she had sex and caught an sti (a treatable one at that) what's to process? Maybe it'll teach her a lesson to not be so silly in future? She'll probably be off to uni next year so it's a good thing she's realised that no glove no love is the way forward, could have been worse and caught genital herpes she'd have that forever or HIV (it's still out there!).

It's good she asked for help.

She needs to understand how common these things are and also that increasingly there are issues with antibiotic resistance.

But frankly what I would mostly want to be putting to her is the fact that condoms are not really the answer the school may have implied. Some STIs spread in a way that makes them not so useful, and condoms break. Not all are curable. And most people don't use them for oral sex and it's quite common to catch STIs orally.

To be fair I caught chlamydia as a student in the mid- 2000s. And that was WITH a condom.
Apparently it is rife. A friend told me to get tested; I had no symptoms but she volunteered for the chlamydia society.

Either way it's stupid not to use a condom and I'd absolutely focus on that. As my own mum always told me "have fun but be safe".

I'm just amazed she told you!

She is 18 and quite capable of seeing a GP and taking medication.

Presumably she is not on the Pill ( or is she?) and therefore could have become pregnant too?

Agree with everyone else, that what 'your town' considers acceptable is rather strange. I assume you or she means that her age group considers condoms not exactly 'fun' and therefore prefers to take a risk?

'Not the done thing in our town'. Please tell me how this is the new, improved Ireland? Still fucking men doing what they like, the only difference is that women have contaception, abortion if that fails, antibiotics if they catch a disease, and let's hope it's not HIV, eh. Find it shameful that we have so many young feminists here who would deem this progress and liberation. It is in a way, and in another way, it is most certainly not.

Agree with this

You’re a good mother, look how she came to you and confided in you. Look how responsible she was in asking you for guidance, getting tested, treated, informing her partner. She is only 18. At that age sexual intimacy is a minefield to navigate. She may decide that in the future, she will consider a wide range of criteria before consenting to sex. You should be proud of how she’s handled finding out what’s happened, and proud of yourself as a mom. She trusts you and came to you. We have all made mistakes and experienced challenges and learned from them.