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Original poster

To think if you don't feel done after 3 DC you'll never feel done?

68 replies

MarianneVos · 20/10/2022 23:20

I know some people feel they definitely wanted to stop having children after having enough, and some people feel like they would always want more but stop for fertility/financial/practical reasons.

If you're the type of person who doesn't feel 'done' with having kids after three of them, are you the latter type? Or do some have got o or five and finally feel that's the right amount?

YABU people often feel done after their fourth + child
YANBU if you don't feel done after three you'll always be wanting more even if you had twenty kids

OP posts:
Original poster
MarianneVos · 20/10/2022 23:21

*some have got to four or five and finally feel that's the right amount

OP posts:
Shattered04 · 20/10/2022 23:48

I always wanted four (I was one of three - it was always 2 vs 1 with arguments so I wanted an even number of children and two felt too few!) #4 ended up taking a lot longer to conceive than the others, but I still didn't want to give up (DH ambivalent). I was worried, especially as I tried desperately to conceive #4 for what felt like an eternity, that I wouldn't want to stop there.

I need not have worried. Aside from a slight pang of "this will be the last time I'll be pregnant" as I got in the lift on the way to the surgery to have my c-section, it was like a switch went off. I honestly felt completely done, my family was all here now, and eight years later I still feel the same way. I just needed my family of four and the "craving" went instantly!

Original poster
MarianneVos · 21/10/2022 03:15

That must be a very satisfying feeling, Although I'm sorry you had a difficult journey to get there.

OP posts:
Rtmhwales · 21/10/2022 03:19

I only have one so far, but my good friend has 5 and felt done after her fifth.

Vikinga · 21/10/2022 03:29

I felt done after my 4th. Absolutely didn't want any more.

deeperthanallroses · 21/10/2022 04:19

i would love 4. I know absolutely I will feel done at 4. I probably won’t get 4 and frankly 3 is pretty hard so we quite probably won’t even try for 4! But I do want4 and I do not want more than 4.

cookiecreammmpie · 21/10/2022 04:58

I would have been happy with 3 I think but I went on to meet my husband and wanted one with him. I got sterilised after my fourth and now I can't imagine wanting another. Whether that's because I know I can't have another even if I wanted one, I don't know. But I feel complete with four.

KangarooKenny · 21/10/2022 07:19

I wanted another but DH didn’t. So I insisted that he got a vasectomy.
If I wasn’t having any more, he wasn’t having any more with anyone else !

Realityloom · 21/10/2022 07:24

Interesting I think you know in your hearts of hearts although it's a bit sad to admitt that your done at whatever no baby you choose to stop at.

For those mums with 3/4 kids plus they definitely must be cut from a different cloth and be quite maternal. I honestly knew after having DS there would be maybe 1 more TOPS!

Tumbleweed101 · 21/10/2022 07:31

I felt done at 4 and haven’t wanted any since. I’m feeling less and less maternal at the moment (combination of age and job!) - I sometimes feel I had one too many as I’ve found this cycle of doing schools etc hard going. Youngest is 13 but I’ve been a single parent since she was two. Eldest is 24.

SerenaTee · 21/10/2022 07:34

My cousin didn’t feel done with 3 so went for 4, had twins and absolutely feels done with 5 😂

NCFT0922 · 21/10/2022 07:38

I have always wanted a big family, I come from one myself and absolutely loved my childhood and still love it now. There are so many variables though so we agreed to take it one child at a time, although deep down I always wanted 4. After number 3, that feeling remained.
We had our number 4 this year and I immediately felt complete. I have no desire for anymore children at all and, to me, our family is perfect.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 21/10/2022 07:45

I pictured 4. I was one of 3 very close in age and didn't want that. My plan was 2 before 30 and 2 later.
What I got was 2 before 30. Then started trying again at 35. Had dc3 just before 40, dreadful birth unexpectedly fraught with danger for me and child ( sudden massive rise in BP, shoulder dysocia, huge PP, ending with me in HDU.
Both me and dh decided to very firmly count our blessings and move on.
If I had fallen at 35, I'm pretty sure we would have had a no 4.

Borracha · 21/10/2022 07:45

I think there's a difference between wanting another child and wanting to be pregnant again. I had an unexpected/unplanned 3rd just over a year ago and I 100% know I could not cope with any more children (physically, emotionally, financially etc) so we are very much DONE.

But, I still get a tiny pang of envy when a friend makes a pregnancy announcement...

Realityloom · 21/10/2022 07:46

KangarooKenny · 21/10/2022 07:19

I wanted another but DH didn’t. So I insisted that he got a vasectomy.
If I wasn’t having any more, he wasn’t having any more with anyone else !

You did right to insist

TheLoupGarou · 21/10/2022 07:53

I used to always want 4 but we started too late! I had dc3 when I was 37, I was quite unwell in that pregnancy with preeclampsia and anxiety and decided for health and financial reasons to stop. No regrets.

Lannielou · 21/10/2022 07:56

I wanted 4 and was done as soon as my youngest son was born

TheWayTheLightFalls · 21/10/2022 07:57

I dunno. I have three under five. I know I’m done because I’m quite a practical person and I have very recent memories of how badly DH and I cope with sleeplessness, the newborn stage, the illness carousel etc. But I cuddle a lot of newborns and every time I question my decision. I think the drive to reproduce is quite something. Thank goodness for the crippling cost of living!

Stickortwister · 21/10/2022 08:02

I never really had a number in mind... and just kept having more when we thought we could cope with another one ( theres a 3/4 year age gap between each one). Got to 4 and we knew we were done - the house was full and we were enjoying not having a baby in the house
I'll always love babies and toddlers but life is a lot simpler once you get past that stage.

RisingSunn · 21/10/2022 08:06

Absolutely done at 4. No desire whatsoever for more.

Ponoka7 · 21/10/2022 08:09

I think that there's three things at play. Actually wanting another child (not baby). In hormone overload. Stuff stemming from childhood that you are replacing. I had three, I had secondary infertility and by the time I could have got pregnant with number four, it would have been detrimental to the whole family. I babysit from birth for other people. I've been very hands on with my GC and co- parented at times. I'm only now, in my 50's, feeling like I wouldn't want to do the early toddler stage again. If I wasn't still a carer and in poor health, I would have fostered.

justanothermanicmonday21 · 21/10/2022 08:16

I thought I'd never stop being broody but after having baby four that feeling went. I love being a mum but I know if I had another I would be compromising them all as I personally couldn't stretch myself that many ways and cope financially etc.

littlepeas · 21/10/2022 08:19

I wanted 4 but have 3 and feel done. I was even pregnant with a 4th dc, but had a miscarriage and then didn’t try again (completely lost my confidence). I was broody for a few years but my dc are 14, 12 and 11 and I do feel done and have for quite a while. I am 40, so would just about have time for more. I do love babies and really enjoyed that stage - I honestly think it was that plus hormones!

SpinningFloppa · 21/10/2022 08:20

No I have 4 and I’m done, it is very hard work much harder than 3 was for me anyway.

SusanPerbCallMeSue · 21/10/2022 08:29

I always wanted 4. Number 3 turned out to be twins, so I had my 4. I don't know if my body felt cheated out of the 4th pregnancyGrin but I knew as soon as they were born that I hadn't finished my family. It's bizarre being broody when you've only just given birth!

3 years later I had my 5th, and as soon as he was born I knew that was it, my family was complete.

I've never wanted any more, except a brief feeling last year when a friend had a very very cute baby. I think that was hormones as I'm peri-menopausal, a last gasp before I'm done! But no way in reality! I'm way past all that.