Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you don't feel done after 3 DC you'll never feel done?

68 replies

MarianneVos · 20/10/2022 23:20

I know some people feel they definitely wanted to stop having children after having enough, and some people feel like they would always want more but stop for fertility/financial/practical reasons.

If you're the type of person who doesn't feel 'done' with having kids after three of them, are you the latter type? Or do some have got o or five and finally feel that's the right amount?

YABU people often feel done after their fourth + child
YANBU if you don't feel done after three you'll always be wanting more even if you had twenty kids

OP posts:
Original poster
MarianneVos · 20/10/2022 23:21

*some have got to four or five and finally feel that's the right amount

OP posts:
Shattered04 · 20/10/2022 23:48

I always wanted four (I was one of three - it was always 2 vs 1 with arguments so I wanted an even number of children and two felt too few!) #4 ended up taking a lot longer to conceive than the others, but I still didn't want to give up (DH ambivalent). I was worried, especially as I tried desperately to conceive #4 for what felt like an eternity, that I wouldn't want to stop there.

I need not have worried. Aside from a slight pang of "this will be the last time I'll be pregnant" as I got in the lift on the way to the surgery to have my c-section, it was like a switch went off. I honestly felt completely done, my family was all here now, and eight years later I still feel the same way. I just needed my family of four and the "craving" went instantly!

Original poster
MarianneVos · 21/10/2022 03:15

That must be a very satisfying feeling, Although I'm sorry you had a difficult journey to get there.

OP posts:
Rtmhwales · 21/10/2022 03:19

I only have one so far, but my good friend has 5 and felt done after her fifth.

Vikinga · 21/10/2022 03:29

I felt done after my 4th. Absolutely didn't want any more.

deeperthanallroses · 21/10/2022 04:19

i would love 4. I know absolutely I will feel done at 4. I probably won’t get 4 and frankly 3 is pretty hard so we quite probably won’t even try for 4! But I do want4 and I do not want more than 4.

cookiecreammmpie · 21/10/2022 04:58

I would have been happy with 3 I think but I went on to meet my husband and wanted one with him. I got sterilised after my fourth and now I can't imagine wanting another. Whether that's because I know I can't have another even if I wanted one, I don't know. But I feel complete with four.

KangarooKenny · 21/10/2022 07:19

I wanted another but DH didn’t. So I insisted that he got a vasectomy.
If I wasn’t having any more, he wasn’t having any more with anyone else !

Realityloom · 21/10/2022 07:24

Interesting I think you know in your hearts of hearts although it's a bit sad to admitt that your done at whatever no baby you choose to stop at.

For those mums with 3/4 kids plus they definitely must be cut from a different cloth and be quite maternal. I honestly knew after having DS there would be maybe 1 more TOPS!

Tumbleweed101 · 21/10/2022 07:31

I felt done at 4 and haven’t wanted any since. I’m feeling less and less maternal at the moment (combination of age and job!) - I sometimes feel I had one too many as I’ve found this cycle of doing schools etc hard going. Youngest is 13 but I’ve been a single parent since she was two. Eldest is 24.

SerenaTee · 21/10/2022 07:34

My cousin didn’t feel done with 3 so went for 4, had twins and absolutely feels done with 5 😂

NCFT0922 · 21/10/2022 07:38

I have always wanted a big family, I come from one myself and absolutely loved my childhood and still love it now. There are so many variables though so we agreed to take it one child at a time, although deep down I always wanted 4. After number 3, that feeling remained.
We had our number 4 this year and I immediately felt complete. I have no desire for anymore children at all and, to me, our family is perfect.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 21/10/2022 07:45

I pictured 4. I was one of 3 very close in age and didn't want that. My plan was 2 before 30 and 2 later.
What I got was 2 before 30. Then started trying again at 35. Had dc3 just before 40, dreadful birth unexpectedly fraught with danger for me and child ( sudden massive rise in BP, shoulder dysocia, huge PP, ending with me in HDU.
Both me and dh decided to very firmly count our blessings and move on.
If I had fallen at 35, I'm pretty sure we would have had a no 4.

Borracha · 21/10/2022 07:45

I think there's a difference between wanting another child and wanting to be pregnant again. I had an unexpected/unplanned 3rd just over a year ago and I 100% know I could not cope with any more children (physically, emotionally, financially etc) so we are very much DONE.

But, I still get a tiny pang of envy when a friend makes a pregnancy announcement...

Realityloom · 21/10/2022 07:46

KangarooKenny · 21/10/2022 07:19

I wanted another but DH didn’t. So I insisted that he got a vasectomy.
If I wasn’t having any more, he wasn’t having any more with anyone else !

You did right to insist

TheLoupGarou · 21/10/2022 07:53

I used to always want 4 but we started too late! I had dc3 when I was 37, I was quite unwell in that pregnancy with preeclampsia and anxiety and decided for health and financial reasons to stop. No regrets.

Lannielou · 21/10/2022 07:56

I wanted 4 and was done as soon as my youngest son was born

TheWayTheLightFalls · 21/10/2022 07:57

I dunno. I have three under five. I know I’m done because I’m quite a practical person and I have very recent memories of how badly DH and I cope with sleeplessness, the newborn stage, the illness carousel etc. But I cuddle a lot of newborns and every time I question my decision. I think the drive to reproduce is quite something. Thank goodness for the crippling cost of living!

Stickortwister · 21/10/2022 08:02

I never really had a number in mind... and just kept having more when we thought we could cope with another one ( theres a 3/4 year age gap between each one). Got to 4 and we knew we were done - the house was full and we were enjoying not having a baby in the house
I'll always love babies and toddlers but life is a lot simpler once you get past that stage.

RisingSunn · 21/10/2022 08:06

Absolutely done at 4. No desire whatsoever for more.

Ponoka7 · 21/10/2022 08:09

I think that there's three things at play. Actually wanting another child (not baby). In hormone overload. Stuff stemming from childhood that you are replacing. I had three, I had secondary infertility and by the time I could have got pregnant with number four, it would have been detrimental to the whole family. I babysit from birth for other people. I've been very hands on with my GC and co- parented at times. I'm only now, in my 50's, feeling like I wouldn't want to do the early toddler stage again. If I wasn't still a carer and in poor health, I would have fostered.

justanothermanicmonday21 · 21/10/2022 08:16

I thought I'd never stop being broody but after having baby four that feeling went. I love being a mum but I know if I had another I would be compromising them all as I personally couldn't stretch myself that many ways and cope financially etc.

littlepeas · 21/10/2022 08:19

I wanted 4 but have 3 and feel done. I was even pregnant with a 4th dc, but had a miscarriage and then didn’t try again (completely lost my confidence). I was broody for a few years but my dc are 14, 12 and 11 and I do feel done and have for quite a while. I am 40, so would just about have time for more. I do love babies and really enjoyed that stage - I honestly think it was that plus hormones!

SpinningFloppa · 21/10/2022 08:20

No I have 4 and I’m done, it is very hard work much harder than 3 was for me anyway.

SusanPerbCallMeSue · 21/10/2022 08:29

I always wanted 4. Number 3 turned out to be twins, so I had my 4. I don't know if my body felt cheated out of the 4th pregnancyGrin but I knew as soon as they were born that I hadn't finished my family. It's bizarre being broody when you've only just given birth!

3 years later I had my 5th, and as soon as he was born I knew that was it, my family was complete.

I've never wanted any more, except a brief feeling last year when a friend had a very very cute baby. I think that was hormones as I'm peri-menopausal, a last gasp before I'm done! But no way in reality! I'm way past all that.