How to raise girls with high self esteem

[ChangePlease]

Following from another thread where poor OPs teenage daughter has been taken in by a total loser/user

I ended up in situations like this myself when younger and still really struggle with knowing what good boundaries look like, standing up for myself, saying no and disagreeing with others

How do you prevent this passing on to your girls?

Yes, that’s just what it is: agency!

It’s imprinting that esteem within in them to initiate actions years before any potentially cruel person further down the line tries to condition them into a sense of learned hopelessness.

It can be absolutely insidious.

Sadly, it’s not always even later on, sometimes, for example, children of divorced parents have this feeling that because there was nothing that they could have done to prevent a divorce and the necessary change in their living conditions, location, friendships and whatever else it entails, that they have no agency to affect other areas of their life. It can make them appear unmotivated, or giving up too easily.

It might not be immediately apparent later on in life that this is when it began.

Controlling friends and their families can also start with the limiting judgments early on in life, unbeknown to the parent.

Controlling friends and their families

How can a child's friend's family be controlling? Could you give an example? Definitely, controlling BFF at a young age is bad news @WednesdayAlready

Following as I'm also interested in how to do this.

I was told 'have your own money' - eg make sure you have your own income, separate from your partner's.

My friend has split up with her DP. There were other issues, but he did no housework. Friend did it all and was worried about the message this was sending to her DD.

@RForResolution Sure, well, imagine this scenario, your daughter spends a lot of time at her friend’s house. She’s therefore subject to listening to the friend’s mother’s words and her outlook.

That environment could be uplifting or highly detrimental depending on what is being said generally and more specifically, directed at your daughter.

If the mother, father or others in that family start making comments about how your daughter looks or what she is wearing or what she is doing, she can be exposed to a source of negativity that you won’t necessarily be aware of. She can become self conscious or reticent and a mother can feel confused about what has caused this. Your daughter could be upset and not want to tell you for fear of it creating problems, she’s unwittingly being drawn into an unhealthy dynamic.

Interesting Post

Actually that’s interesting. Because I think along with having an engaged father I do think it helps for girls to see a strong mother who knows their worth won’t put up with shit. I think it takes both the ying and Yang.

I have to be honest my friends with really close dad relationships always seem to have shit love lives. No one ever matches up to daddy expectations.

Mine fucked off when I was 10 so I never had that problem 🤦‍♀️.

Having said that you can tell there is a certain confidence with women who have two engaged parents well into adulthood but it tends to be the women who weren’t put on pedestals by their fathers. They seem to have more normal relationships with them as opposed to all consuming.

Can anyone recommend anything to read/watch/listen to that I can share with my DD? She’s really struggling with friendships and confidence at secondary school.

She does a lot of sport, comes from a large extended family of strong, independent women as role models but year 8 is harsh!

This

My DDs are young teens, and I’ve been single for around 8 years.

I think a lot of it is showing them that it’s very possible to be single, to enjoy it, I even prefer it, and have a full life without a man.