To ask how to handle this - sister constantly taking my clothes without asking

[FourForYouGlenCocoYouGoGlenCoco]

I live with my sister, in a house share with a couple of other people (the others are both guys).

My sister constantly takes my clothes. Sometimes I’ll notice because she’ll have something of mine hanging up in her room or I’ll see some of my clothes when she takes her clothes out the washing machine. Or sometimes I can’t find something that I know I’ve put away in my wardrobe, or I’ll just see her wearing something of mine. She takes the most random stuff too - sometimes a pricey dress, sometimes nice leggings, once or twice, she’ll take some socks.

It hasn’t happened for a few months now, but I’m packing to go away today, and have searched for a couple of things that I’ll need, and they’re not in my wardrobe where I’d expect them to be. I’ve texted her and asked her politely to return the things, but I’m getting so so frustrated! I’ve asked her politely but firmly, so so many times, and she always says sorry she won’t do it again, but then she does!!

I really don’t know how to address this. I can’t put a lock on my bedroom door (I have asked but it’s not allowed - fair enough). I feel very stuck now in terms of options. I am planning to move out, but that’s obviously a long term solution (and not happening overnight), and in the short term, is it really too much for her to stop taking my clothes? Do you have any advice for how I can handle this, please?

Your sister sounds like an absolute dick. Go to B&Q/ Homebase tonight and get a chain and padlock before you away.

She’s not allowed to? Look at the OP’s thread🙄

You think you might be unreasonable to be pissed off at her?

Tell her she's a thieving lying CUNT and you are done with her. Tell her you are planning to move out and if she takes anything at all of yours henceforth you will have nothing further to do with her after you leave.

This is her last chance if she wants any relationship with you.

On a different thread I was asking about video doorbells and I got one. It's a Eufy one. The reason I'm suggesting this is that you could get one and put it in your room. It's motion activated (as well as being a doorbell but you won't actually be using it as a doorbell) and you can talk to the person in your room. You could position said doorbell to capture what you wanted to and SCREAM at her to get out of your room if you saw her in there. You should get notified straightaway on your mobile if someone goes into your room.

I really can't recommend enough getting some cable ties in a hardware store to tide you over until your padlock arrives. If you link/loop them around the back of the wardrobe handles and pull them really tightly, the doors will not open. I'd put everything I didn't want her to have in the wardrobe and seal the door with the cable ties before you leave for your break.

Thanks all - I’ve put sellotape over my wardrobe doors, and over my room door, as a very makeshift solution while I’m away, and then will pop the padlocks on my wardrobe when they arrive.

Op,

This dynamic is not good.
You need to have a good hard think about your history, her behaviour, her character.

She sounds awful.

I would strongly suggest you pull very far back from your relationship and stop engaging with her.

You need to move forward with your life and not allow her to use and sabotage you.

This behaviour is usually not in isolation.

She may grow up into a decent human being, I doubt it, but she might.

Save yourself a lot of future heartache by learning about strong boundaries, grey rocking people, medium chill, all ways to keep really annoying people in your family that are users.

Her behaviour is not normal.
It is the hallmark of a selfish bitch.
Good people don't steal, lie, destroy the property of others.
She does.
Protect yourself and dont allow her to drag you down.

Move out and put serious distance between you.

Tell your parents the truth if you like, but don't allow them to guilt you.

You do not owe her anything.

The best you can hope for is if you enforce strong boundaries she cops herself on.

But in my life experience of nearly 60 years, sisters of friends who behaved very selfishly when teens, tended to keep those personality traits into adulthood.

True, and even if the individuals mature, the dynamic rarely changes. My friend had to tiptoe around her sister when we were 22 and 20 and recently aged 52 and 50 I witnessed my friend's younger sister massively overreact to an innocuous comment. So 30 years on I see the same pattern continues.

for now, lay all clothes flat under the mattress.

I agree.

Bickering and sisters can be a thing that they absolutely grow out of.

Not what the OP describes.

IMO it is a dynamic that follows into late adulthood and is usually the type of basis for someone saying they are not close, family but not friends.