To ask how to handle this - sister constantly taking my clothes without asking

[FourForYouGlenCocoYouGoGlenCoco]

I live with my sister, in a house share with a couple of other people (the others are both guys).

My sister constantly takes my clothes. Sometimes I’ll notice because she’ll have something of mine hanging up in her room or I’ll see some of my clothes when she takes her clothes out the washing machine. Or sometimes I can’t find something that I know I’ve put away in my wardrobe, or I’ll just see her wearing something of mine. She takes the most random stuff too - sometimes a pricey dress, sometimes nice leggings, once or twice, she’ll take some socks.

It hasn’t happened for a few months now, but I’m packing to go away today, and have searched for a couple of things that I’ll need, and they’re not in my wardrobe where I’d expect them to be. I’ve texted her and asked her politely to return the things, but I’m getting so so frustrated! I’ve asked her politely but firmly, so so many times, and she always says sorry she won’t do it again, but then she does!!

I really don’t know how to address this. I can’t put a lock on my bedroom door (I have asked but it’s not allowed - fair enough). I feel very stuck now in terms of options. I am planning to move out, but that’s obviously a long term solution (and not happening overnight), and in the short term, is it really too much for her to stop taking my clothes? Do you have any advice for how I can handle this, please?

Is moving out possible? Because living like this sounds extremely stressful

I’d buy a huge lockable suitcase and put things in it when I’m away.

As an alternative you could '"lean in' to it and create a lending system where you charge her or get her to do things for you?

Order a ring camera and put it in your room to refined anyone coming in. Then tell your sister it's there

I don’t understand living in a shared house with no locks allowed on your bedroom door?

How would I stop her from stealing stuff though? The issue is her just going into my wardrobe and helping herself to things that I’m not even aware she’s taken until I’m looking for those things. If she asked to borrow something (which she doesn’t), I might say yes, but she’s never asked for stuff, she’s just stolen it.

Me neither, but it’s the landlord’s rules and they’re quite set on it. Apparently it’s a fire risk to have a lock.

It is, yes, and I’m working on it, but haven’t found anywhere to move into yet - very competitive rental market where I am sadly (and seems to be like that everywhere).

I had a house mate who did this. We weren’t even related or good friends. I’d just randomly see her wearing something of mine and be shocked. I repeatedly asked her to stop and she kept saying she would

it came to a head one morning when I was laying in bed still asleep and woke up and found her actually in my wardrobe looking through my clothes. I couldn’t fucking believe it, it’s ballsy to do it when I’m not there, but when I’m Actually laying there early in the morning? To walk in and start rooting through my wardrobe? When I asked her what the fuck she was doing she didn’t even look up, continued rooting and said distractedly I’m looking for your green jumper.

I proper did my nut and chucked her out, she didn’t do it again. It seems sometimes you just need to read the riot act . Padlocking the wardrobe is better though.

Something like this?

If the property is an official HMO then locks are permitted:-

Apartment or HMO Bedroom doors

Each door to individual residents rooms which lead on to the stair well must have self closing fire doors to all habitable rooms. These to be a minimum of half hour fire resistance

The Door locking system needs to be key operated from outside but thumb turn operated from inside the room

I'd be noisy as hell with the LL about this. Not being able to lock your bedroom is unacceptable.

Locked suitcases, or cardboard boxes (or even multiple binbags) taped shut - lots and LOTS of packing tape all the way around so it's not easy for her to get into them or to hide that she has. I think you can get tall boxes for moving so you can keep things on hangers, if that's the issue. Hassle for you to pack everything up before you go away but it might keep her out of your clothes, if not your room. If that won't work, tie something around your wardrobe if it's free-standing (be careful with tape in case it leaves marks/removes paint) or use a dressing gown cord to tie the handles shut and then put lots of tape over that to make it difficult to remove, and obvious if she has. Take pictures before you go so you can see if anything has been disturbed.

I'd also go searching in her room. Not fun with a floordrobe but I'd just start chucking things onto her bed if that's the only clear space until you find what you're after, or suitable replacements.

I sympathise - I had a flatmate who did similar. While it's not on a par with being burgled, it's horrible to feel your private space has been violated and someone you should be able to trust has gone through and taken your things.

Longer term, if you can't install a lock, what about an alarm system? Not hardwired obv, but portable sensors that will go off noisily if she goes in - yes, disturbing everyone else, but might deter her if she also gets shit from your flatmates for setting it off!

Thanks @TravellingJack! The dressing gown cord idea is a brill temporary solution! Sadly her room is a tip, so everywhere - including her bed - is just covered in clothes and things. I’ve often come back after going away to find my bedroom door closed, and when I’ve opened it, I’ve found her inside, merrily working in my bed. It just beggars belief.

I feel like she doesn’t care about her stuff, and when she gets annoyed at me over whatever, she gets angry that my room is tidier than hers, and just wants to mess up all my stuff. I think she thinks - if she (my sister) can’t have nice stuff, why should I? It’s so childish and unfair.

Have you tried screaming in her face: “STOP TAKING MY CLOTHES!!!” It’s what my late-teenage daughter said to her sister recently. I don’t know if it’s worked! Sister relationships baffle me a bit. I never had one.

Please move out asap. She sounds like a twat.

How absolutely infuriating. Would cable ties be a suitable short term solution for this weekend ?

Buy a replacement internal door with a lock. Get someone to fit it. Store landlords door in bedroom or somewhere safe. Replace door when you leave.

move as soon as possible.

how old are you and your sister? Can parents have a word with her?

orher ideas. Buy vacuum storage bags. Fill with your clothes. Hide them in her bedroom under bed/mess/floordrobe. She’ll never find them.

@TheCatterall thanks for your suggestions. We’re both far too old for this - mid-twenties. She still behaves like a teenager. I’m actively looking to move out though!

I’d go through her room and take everything of yours back that you can find.
bag the rest of her clothes up and store them in a friends car until she hands over the rest of your stuff or pays you back in full.
short term until the lock comes pack all your stuff up and store it at friends/family that won’t let her have it until you’re back

Pop out and get some cable ties and tie them tight. You’ll have to cut them when you get back, but will stop her doing anything whilst you’re away (unless she cuts them!).

Or get a cheap lockable suitcase to store whilst your away.

Padlock on wardrobe and draws

and move out as soon as you can

there’s no reasoning with some people

I'd go in her room, start in one corner and search through every bloody thing till you find your stuff. Just lob the searched thru stuff in a corner to uncover the rest of the stuff to search.

Make a horrendous mess. Who gives a fuck. But get your stuff back.

I'd also go to any hardware shop you have nearby and buy a chain and padlock. They'll almost certainly have it in stock. Failing that use cable ties to tie the handles together if you think she won't cut them off.

And hook an air horn up so it goes off if she opens the doors. (only half joking...)

So after repeatedly lying and saying she hasn’t got any of my clothes I’ve been looking for, she suddenly comes into my room and chucks them on my floor, with a mumbled apology. AIBU to be really pissed off??? I really can’t trust her anymore. Repeatedly stealing from someone you live with, and lying about it, is pretty low! (Yes I am making plans to move out, and will be out like a shot when the opportunity arises!)