Ex needs to know about every date I go on..

[elbigbx]

My ex partner (father of my 2 kids) just seems to make my life a misery.

for context he lives at home with his parents so never has our kids overnight. Only for a couple of hours for dinner 3 times a week. Therefore I go out and do anything that’s going to be later than 7 (say go out for dinner with a friend) he has to come into my house to put them to bed and then will go when I get home.

I have been asked on a date this weekend and mentioned to him I’m going for dinner so can he have the kids for a couple more hours till I get home. I don’t know if he’s got special powers or something but he KNOWS if it’s not with friends and will know it’s to go on a date. (My first date in over 5 years).

I can’t lie to his face without laughing so I will just have to be honest but it fucking frustrates the life out of me that he has to know ALL my business, but quite frankly I can’t do anything without his fucking permission. My parents can’t have my kids as they work night shifts so that’s out the window and no one else to have them.

If I go in this date, he will make my life a misery - won’t have the kids on purpose so I can’t go on potential second/third dates etc.. he’s just immature as hell, won’t communicate with me, will give messages to our 6 year old to tell me, the list could go on.

I can’t live my life like this. It feels like he’s my bloody father and I have to ask permission to do anything. When will this end :’( I’m not even upset just fucking angry that he has this control over me.

You don't have to restrict his time with them, but stop letting him look after them in your house. He has to see them elsewhere, the end. Stop telling him your plans. Get a babysitter for nights you need to yourself. You're causing unnecessary drama for yourself here.

@cc1997 he does have them elsewhere. he has them at his parents for a couple of hours for dinner. it’s only when I’m going out at night on a weekend (not every weekend) he has to bring them back to put them to bed!! I will be looking into babysitters for sure.

Get a reliable babysitter and break free from him!

How does he do 50/50 as per your other thread if he never has them overnight?

How do you have a great relationship with him as per your other thread yet it's so bad in this thread? Has something changed?

This is stupid. Just say it's your private life end of

Make a claim for child maintenance. Don't let the fucker in your house as he then thinks he's a god doing you a favour. The kids can go to bed later than 7 sometimes op they won't explode. Look for a babysitter / mum friend. Do you have a teen neighbour who would want to make some money? There's no need for you to tell him it's a date say its a work meeting. Technically is as your working to find a man 🤣

Just pay for a babysitter. There’s websites. Don’t include him in any of it. He already isn’t that bothered about having his kids anyway, is he?

And stop letting him into your house!!!! Meh sounds like a snooper. Have boundaries.

Get a babysitter

A thought, have you somewhere you can stay over eg your family? Could you suggest he stays at yours every other Saturday from eg midday to midday Sunday to give you a break (what you do during the time is up to you!)

You don’t want him knowing you are going out but you don’t want to get a babysitter- what exactly do you want then?
You need to grow a backbone & figure out what you want (probably before you start dating again!)

Stop letting him in your house.

Speak to him about the children only. Not your friends or social life.

Get a baby sitter.

Is he paying child maintenance? Why not?

YABU for using him like a babysitter as it allows him access to your plans etc. Find alternative childcare. Your business is not his business and some men will use this kind of arrangement to keep their foot in the door.

I'm going to set aside all the contradictions in this post about all the dates vs one in 5 years and the 50/50 at dads vs 2 hours a week and just ask what on earth is wrong with sleeping on an air bed at grannies once a week? Sounds fun to me. Your causing yourself a lot of problems by having hard lines on things like this and using a babysitter (which doesn't actually have to be a stranger).

@liveforsummer ive said the same about airbed/spare mattress etc he said he wouldn’t.. says it’s not fair on the kids.

I think it’s definitely a control thing and a way for him to keep his foot in the door like someone else said

But earlier you said -

absolutely no way I’d let my kids sleep there in those conditions.

Anyway sounds like you need to put your foot down and let him take some responsibility. Change your locks as a matter of priority. How old are your dc?

But he was happy for you to go away and work abroad for 3.5 months whilst he have the children “at dad’s”. And such a change you say in the other thread wouldn’t be huge for the children because he has them for 50/50 anyway.

More holes than a fishing net.

ive said the same about airbed/spare mattress etc he said he wouldn’t.. says it’s not fair on the kids.

absolutely no way I’d let my kids sleep there in those conditions.

I feel for your ex OP

But you were perfectly happy to let him have them for a whole semester while you went to Spain?

I wonder why MN haven't closed this thread yet as it's got more than swiss cheese? 🧀

Exactly

although looks like OP has scampered off with tail between legs anyway