Ex needs to know about every date I go on..

[elbigbx]

My ex partner (father of my 2 kids) just seems to make my life a misery.

for context he lives at home with his parents so never has our kids overnight. Only for a couple of hours for dinner 3 times a week. Therefore I go out and do anything that’s going to be later than 7 (say go out for dinner with a friend) he has to come into my house to put them to bed and then will go when I get home.

I have been asked on a date this weekend and mentioned to him I’m going for dinner so can he have the kids for a couple more hours till I get home. I don’t know if he’s got special powers or something but he KNOWS if it’s not with friends and will know it’s to go on a date. (My first date in over 5 years).

I can’t lie to his face without laughing so I will just have to be honest but it fucking frustrates the life out of me that he has to know ALL my business, but quite frankly I can’t do anything without his fucking permission. My parents can’t have my kids as they work night shifts so that’s out the window and no one else to have them.

If I go in this date, he will make my life a misery - won’t have the kids on purpose so I can’t go on potential second/third dates etc.. he’s just immature as hell, won’t communicate with me, will give messages to our 6 year old to tell me, the list could go on.

I can’t live my life like this. It feels like he’s my bloody father and I have to ask permission to do anything. When will this end :’( I’m not even upset just fucking angry that he has this control over me.

What Xmassprout said. Find a baby sitter so you don't even have to ask the useless dollop for help. Why can't he share a room with the kids at his parents house?

Court access times 🙄

Why do people keep saying get a court order? No court can make him have them overnight... or at all, that’s not how they work

Do not arrange dates for when he has them

You will never get to go as he will bail m
get in to a babysitting circle with a couple of friends

do not rely on him for a single thing

I know ridiculous isn’t it

Pur justice system thankfully doesn’t force parents who don’t want to parent upon their children

You can't date while this man has thus control in your life

He has no right to know what you’re doing with the measly amount of free time you get. Why isn’t he able to have the children sleep over at his parents house? I’m wondering if this is because he doesn’t want to have them overnight full stop so he can maintain this level of control over you.

Get a babysitter for any dates you have- friend, family members, paid ones, whatever. And change your way of thinking: you don’t owe him an explanation as to where you’re going. You’re going out. Don’t lie, don’t explain just do your own thing. Oh, and stop letting him have free run of your home while you’re not there. He brings the kids home to you and doesn’t come inside your home. He’s clearly got control issues and can not be trusted to respect your boundaries.

@Endlesslysurprised84 I wish I didn’t have too, but I literally do have too. I wouldn’t have ANY time to myself without him. Makes me so mad .

Then he pays child maintenance at an appropriate rate so that OP can afford a babysitter.

And to OP - probably 90% of babysitters will be better at looking after your kids than your ex is.

You're really restricting yourself by not paying for a babysitter.

It doesn't have to be "a stranger" - we only use babysitters we know, nursery staff, TA from school, baby class teacher, that sort of thing, we check references as well.

If you don't want to, maybe you just won't be able to date until your kids can be on their own.

@youlightupmyday I agree. Buts it’s been over 5 years like this. Can’t see an ending if I’m honest

Op

3 months ago you posted about taking a year work placement abroad and that you and your ex were happy with him having them for the entire time you were away.

what happened there?

It will end, it could right now if you put a little effort in and find a responsible, reliable babysitter. There are loads out there.

@Endlesslysurprised84 well I didn’t go.. clearly. Hahaha

But he was happy to have them whilst you were abroad and it back for 3.5 months?

OP,

I am usually very sympathetic to mothers with problems similar to the one you present, but rejecting the idea of a babysitter out of hand doesn’t make sense. There are many reliable sources. A babysitter, like a friend, is only a stranger initially. A good one is worth their weight in gold.

If you refuse even to explore this idea, this is a problem of your own making

If he won't have the kids anyway why on Earth are you telling him!

Pay for a babysitter

3 months ago you wrote

elbigbx · 16/06/2022 12:05
@Hoppinggreen We have 50/50 custody so they spend their time with us equally. They are complete daddy's girls and dote on him, as he does them. I think if I told them they were spending 3 months at dads they would jump for joy lol

so what happened to the 50/50?

🤔

Why can't he have the children overnight at his parents? Put them in his bed and he can have the sofa?

@Endlesslysurprised84 the issue isn’t with having the kids? he does have them 50/50 I guess cause he has 3 nights and a full day at the weekend. We both work full time.. anyway your points are irrelevant.

Exactly

3 months ago 50/50 and
he was happy with the op going abroad for 3.5 months

quite the turnaround 🤔

Why can't you book a babysitter?

@poetryandwine I didn’t even think to explore the babysitter option if I’m honest. Maybe I’ve watched too many horror films lol. I will certainly explore this, I didn’t realise they had references etc..

Name change fail?

in your op you say he never has overnights