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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Whole class party (few rsvp)

122 replies

immigrant002 · 19/10/2022 11:57

My child has been asking for a birthday party he just started reception and since his birthday is so close to the start of school i thought it would be better to invite the whole class and book a hall and an entertainer bouncy castle etc

I gave the cards with my number at the bottom for rsvp . Out of 30 children 6 replied should i assume no one else would be coming ? Surely people do not just show up ? I would always reply to an invitation even if i was not going so am not sure what to make of this

I am also a bit gutted for him he is very shy and he didn't know anyone from before as he was going to a different nursery he mentions a few names of boys he plays with but none of them replied .

OP posts:
Lysianthus · 19/10/2022 17:35

A couple of thoughts, you could gently coax your son to talk about his party (might get his friends to speak about it at home, prompting a response), and also, if the party is in daylight hours then you won't clash with bonfires. Hope it all works out for you, you've had some great advice on here particularly the PP who said send the invite out again, feigning a mistake!

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 19/10/2022 17:50

We've had RSVPs on the day of the party and people just showing up. The first full class party I did it was nerve wracking and I ended up on a very last minute run to the supermarket for extra food after receiving RSVPs on the day. The next party I just went with the flow, bit more food that I needed for the number who had confirmed and a bag of spare bits I could make into party bags if needed.

Tomorrowisalatterday · 19/10/2022 18:01

We did this. One RSVP, two others turned up without having replied.

We had invited nursery friends and family and friends with kids so the party was fine but not doing it again.

He is in Y1 now, no other invites of any sort (playdate, playground, birthday parties) have ever come our way. No WhatsApp group. Not all schools are friendly

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 19/10/2022 18:20

And definitely call it out at pick up/drop off. "Morning! Isn't it a lovely/wet/cold day. Oh will little Rocco be able to come to Ostinus's party next week? Not allergic to anything is he? Brilliant, see you there!"

hookiewookie29 · 19/10/2022 18:23

Yes, they do just turn up! My kids are 24 and 19 so I'm well out of it now but it used to infuriate me when people didn't reply,only to have them just turn it on the day. It was worst when it was at a soft play or somewhere where you paid x amount per child and needed to know who was coming by a certain date because of paying. Just bloody rude!

GnusSitOnCanoes · 19/10/2022 18:26

Did the invites definitely make it home?

DS8’s class all received an invite for a party this weekend. DS never brought the invite home or mentioned it - I’d never have known about the party if the mum hadn’t followed up in the class WhatsApp. It seems almost no one had RSVPd, because the kids all failed to bring the invites home. 🙄 I was mortified!

Original poster
immigrant002 · 19/10/2022 18:59

Tomorrowisalatterday · 19/10/2022 18:01

We did this. One RSVP, two others turned up without having replied.

We had invited nursery friends and family and friends with kids so the party was fine but not doing it again.

He is in Y1 now, no other invites of any sort (playdate, playground, birthday parties) have ever come our way. No WhatsApp group. Not all schools are friendly

Oh i am so sorry i hope he has a couple of good friends !

OP posts:
Original poster
immigrant002 · 19/10/2022 19:00

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 19/10/2022 18:20

And definitely call it out at pick up/drop off. "Morning! Isn't it a lovely/wet/cold day. Oh will little Rocco be able to come to Ostinus's party next week? Not allergic to anything is he? Brilliant, see you there!"

Oh i am not that brave Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
immigrant002 · 19/10/2022 19:17

GnusSitOnCanoes · 19/10/2022 18:26

Did the invites definitely make it home?

DS8’s class all received an invite for a party this weekend. DS never brought the invite home or mentioned it - I’d never have known about the party if the mum hadn’t followed up in the class WhatsApp. It seems almost no one had RSVPd, because the kids all failed to bring the invites home. 🙄 I was mortified!

For reception age kids i would assume the parents check the bags often i check it as soon as we get home 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Thisisnotmyname2 · 19/10/2022 19:27

Had the same thing and was really worried but in the end loads of kids turned up and brought extra siblings.

There might be a Facebook group for parents of the school you could join, and post in there something like "hey could all the parents of children invited to x's party let me know if they are coming please so I know how much food to buy." I've seen posts like that a few times.

GyozaGuiting · 19/10/2022 19:40

I’m sometimes rubbish at replying, the invite goes on the fridge and I forget. I sometimes appreciate a nudge. I know that makes me a terrible person, but 2 kids, 2 dogs, working full time and a husband who works away and some things slip!
what I’m saying is, plenty more can probably make it, they’ve just not replied yet. It’s still a while away.

HauntedPencil · 19/10/2022 19:53

It's really rude I think but fairly common.. you'll probably get a flurry of replies now over the coming week.

I'd do something simple for party bags like bags of sweets you can reuse

Worth double checking if there is a what's app group as that would be a godsend to chase on. Or maybe you could instigate setting one up?

Original poster
immigrant002 · 19/10/2022 20:10

Ok i had a look at facebook and there seems to be a group there ! Is it rude to
Post a reminder there ? I think is for both classes in year R

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Thisisnotmyname2 · 19/10/2022 20:14

It's not rude as you've invited the whole year but maybe wait until a week before the party giving people more time to RSVP in the meantime. And word it nicely so that you're coming at it from an angle of you need to know how many are coming so you can buy food/make party bags. I've seen multiple posts like this in the fb group I'm in.

Magn · 19/10/2022 20:52

I think it's lovely that you check your bag carefully but have to break it to you that that absolutely is not normal 🤣 chances are that there will be several discover it over half term, some where it got caught in a stray jumper and washed, and a few where the kids may well have eaten it for all we know. I'd put it on the Facebook page.

chopc · 19/10/2022 21:05

I had this happen to my DD and had invited several kids from outside school so that there will be a party of some sort. However , DD wanted to share the birthday with her classmates. 3 out of 18 or so turned up. I did write a message to the parents in the what's app group but only one or two people responded on the chat apologizing. Two messaged me privately stating their previous experiences. Rude people are just rude and whatever you say will just go over their heads. However it is still 2 weeks away so make sure you do a little chase before half term.

Gunpowder · 19/10/2022 21:07

It’s completely normal and very annoying! Agree that you mustn’t take it personally, Some invitations will have gone awry, some people will have forgotten and some people never reply. DD1’s reception party I had 10 replies and then 35 turned up (a few brought siblings) it was bonkers.

I would definitely post on the Facebook group. Something like ‘I don’t know how many invitations made it home, but it’s X’s birthday party on the 5/11 at 3-5 at address Z and he would like to celebrate with everyone from Y Class. If you could let me know if you are coming asap ( by Friday) that would be great, we want to make sure everyone coming has a party bag! Can’t wait to see you all there. Immigrant002 xx ‘

Original poster
immigrant002 · 20/10/2022 17:54

I managed to talk to someone today and they said "is this ds name? will see you on the 5th " they didn't rsvp so i guess there are people who will just show up 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Danascully2 · 20/10/2022 18:10

Well done for talking to someone, I know it isn't always easy to make the first move. As others have said, they might not be being deliberately rude, just hadn't got round to rsvp'ing yet.

Worthyornot · 20/10/2022 19:23

I have a Y2 and all invites are done on the whatsapp group. The norm seems to be that everyone replies on the same day. We then send out a final reminder about a week or two before the day to confirm numbers. It works brilliantly for us. It's a bit much to leave it in bags and hope for the best at this age.

girlfriend44 · 20/10/2022 20:26

It's rude and it's been going on for years. I expect these days it's alot worse.
Some people even forget and lose the invite.

CluelessAtClothing · 20/10/2022 20:41

immigrant002 · 19/10/2022 20:10

Ok i had a look at facebook and there seems to be a group there ! Is it rude to
Post a reminder there ? I think is for both classes in year R

Absolutely fine and happens frequently on our school fb group for parents - can the parents of David, Jenny, Sophie, Fraser etc please let me know if they can come to Xs party next week thanks. Happens about 2 or 3 times a month on our Facebook group.

Original poster
immigrant002 · 20/10/2022 21:00

Worthyornot · 20/10/2022 19:23

I have a Y2 and all invites are done on the whatsapp group. The norm seems to be that everyone replies on the same day. We then send out a final reminder about a week or two before the day to confirm numbers. It works brilliantly for us. It's a bit much to leave it in bags and hope for the best at this age.

As i said there is no whatsapp group that i know off

OP posts:
HauntedPencil · 20/10/2022 22:34

immigrant002 · 20/10/2022 17:54

I managed to talk to someone today and they said "is this ds name? will see you on the 5th " they didn't rsvp so i guess there are people who will just show up 🤷🏻‍♀️

Unfortunately so - it's always hard to be the one to "go first" in a new year when you don't know anyones numbers names etc - and when other people plan parties they'll realise what a bloody pain it is not having numbers for food/party bags.

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/10/2022 23:00

immigrant002 · 19/10/2022 20:10

Ok i had a look at facebook and there seems to be a group there ! Is it rude to
Post a reminder there ? I think is for both classes in year R

Def post on it

hi this is 002’s mum. He’s 5 and having a party on sat 5th and say time but dont say venue

all of (name of class) are invited. Please reply to this post if your child can come and I will contact you for venue details

then least you will know numbers more

also add a different post on there saying about a wats app group for class / is there one - if so please can you add me or shall I start one

honestly they make things much easier and also everyone can put parties and any useful info they want about school stuff - photos - school dinner etx