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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Whole class party (few rsvp)

122 replies

immigrant002 · 19/10/2022 11:57

My child has been asking for a birthday party he just started reception and since his birthday is so close to the start of school i thought it would be better to invite the whole class and book a hall and an entertainer bouncy castle etc

I gave the cards with my number at the bottom for rsvp . Out of 30 children 6 replied should i assume no one else would be coming ? Surely people do not just show up ? I would always reply to an invitation even if i was not going so am not sure what to make of this

I am also a bit gutted for him he is very shy and he didn't know anyone from before as he was going to a different nursery he mentions a few names of boys he plays with but none of them replied .

OP posts:
LemonDrop22 · 19/10/2022 12:28

I had ppl RSVPing in dribs and drabs up to the day before the party.

I had one msg me while I was walking in to set up the party asking if it was ok to come.

Out of those who didn't rsvp, only one turned up. I don't know if they thought they had or if they don't "get" rsvp ing.

(One didn't officially rsvp but had said in-person they'd be likely to go. She didn't confirm though so I only knew for sure through another parent her child plays with).

I filled up places with relatives, neighbours, other ppl I knew through kid things. Asked them if their kids wanted to bring a friend etc.

People are incredibly flaky.

You get a few organised, polite ones but the rest ....

bjrce · 19/10/2022 12:28

OP,

Its always difficult getting started in these party invites.

It may be difficult to get all the Mom's numbers from the creche/nursery due to data protection Laws.
What I would do is the follow;
Generate a WhatsApp message., stating:
Your name; Date of party; Venue, Name of your child.
Ask the Creche to send out this quick wats app message to all the parents in the class - stating an invite was sent out for X's party and all children invited - could they please RSVP by a specific date. to your Mobile number ( Give your name to be sent out to the parents also).

That should do the trick.

WeepingSomnambulist · 19/10/2022 12:29

Is it a morning party? If its lunch/afternoon then a lot of people wont come as it is bonfire night. And it's the first bonfire night with public activities for a few years (because of covid).
Around here, the funfair stuff starts in the afternoon, bonfire lit around 4/5 and then food trucks and fireworks etc.

I wouldnt be going to a birthday party on the 5th unless it was a morning slot.

Original poster
immigrant002 · 19/10/2022 12:30

Maybe is just a bad date ! My bad i actually forgot about bonfire night as we don't usually do anything so stupid of me !

OP posts:
Pegasushaswings · 19/10/2022 12:31

I am watching and learning on this one! Could you ask the teacher to put an rsvp slip in the children’s bag-i dont know if thats a done thing though like it is at nursery? Or give out a repeat invite whilst you are waiting to pick up?

WeepingSomnambulist · 19/10/2022 12:35

Pegasushaswings · 19/10/2022 12:31

I am watching and learning on this one! Could you ask the teacher to put an rsvp slip in the children’s bag-i dont know if thats a done thing though like it is at nursery? Or give out a repeat invite whilst you are waiting to pick up?

The teacher has enough to do.

XCTX · 19/10/2022 12:40

How did the parents physically get the invites in the first place? If no whatsapp group and you're shy I can only assume your DC handed them out?

In which case, are you sure he handed them out??

Yupbutnobut · 19/10/2022 12:40

Oh OP poor you. You have got to sort this, definitely search for a Facebook group or find out if there is a WhatsApp group. Be brave at pickup today 'hi just wondered if you got the invitation to X party?' Then go from there. Be brave!!

Mindymomo · 19/10/2022 12:41

We all have to do this as a first. For my DS I sent out invites for all the class, as seemed to be the norm, the week before I’d had about half 15 replies. Worrying that a couple would probably not show up, I invited other family children. On the day virtually all the class turned up. Some said they didn’t know they had to reply, one came who said they weren’t, one even said they waited to see if they were invited to something else before accepting (rude). The following year, we scaled it down to actual friends and those who had invited our DS to their own parties. PS I couldn’t sleep the night before, I was sure nobody would come, then our neighbour decided on this particular day to take down the conifer trees between our 2 gardens, when I told him I was expecting 35 five year olds at 3 pm, he quickly put up a fence in record time.

Igmum · 19/10/2022 12:42

Yes it is rude - and so disappointing- but remember your DS will have a fabulous time with 6 friends. When DD was in primary I always had to chase people for replies and always made extra party bags because people will turn up on the day or have younger/older siblings who might want to stay - which is easy as pie with church hall parties.

Gnomeo8 · 19/10/2022 12:44

I would definitely try and speak to the parents when you are next at pick up. Just head over, say you're *'s Mum, you're having a party on Nov 5th but you know that some people hadn't seen the invite. Insert joke about how you know a few have been left in drawers at school, so just checking that you've got it. Then ask if they're able to come as you're trying to finalise numbers and with half term coming up, you know its a busy time. Intro done, you've got a better idea who is able to make it and you've got chatting to some other parents :) Youve got this OP x

WhyDoesItAlways · 19/10/2022 12:46

I had this recently. All the friends and family kids I invited RSVP'd but probably only about 10 of the 20 ish school kids that turned up RSVP'd. I had made up extra party bags and took some spares to make up at the time if needed (which it was).

Over cater, doesn't cost much to add some extra sandwiches and couple sharer bags of crisps. The parents will eat it if it doesn't all go.

But mostly just remember that your son probably won't even care how many people turn up. It's us adults that equate numbers with popularity!

LemonDrop22 · 19/10/2022 12:54

I had 17 or 18 definites the day before my party, I started panicking and asking extras, on the day there were 23/24 plus some siblings. I made 27 sweetie cones and only one was not taken.

However the bonfire thing might be affecting yours

Plingston · 19/10/2022 12:55

I'm in exactly the same position and it has annoyed me. It's rude. We've invited something like 15 kids from school and only around 5 or 6 have responded. The party is less than a week away. I don't do drop offs or collections so I don't know the parents and my husband is always rushing off to work. I know they received them because the teacher puts them in the kids book bags. I will make more party bags than needed just in case. It's my son's first birthday party (at the age of 7) and he is a bit sad about it. I expected that some wouldn't be able to come because of it being during the half term week which might clash with holidays or childcare arrangements or siblings or a million other reasons, but I thought they would let me know.

Tiredalwaystired · 19/10/2022 12:56

Nov 5th is ages away. To be honest you’ve made a rod for your own back not putting an RSVP date on. I’m not sure I would have responded to a November party yet as my head would still be thinking about half term unless I’d specifically been asked beforehand to reply by a set date.

agree with trying to get onto a class what’s app group to put the reminder out.

LemonDrop22 · 19/10/2022 12:58

People are flaky as fuck.

Invite extras .... It's in a hall with a bouncy castle so you can accommodate extras if other turn up.

Do more party bags than you think you need.

Could you re send out invites with an earlier time if bon fire night is affecting it?

gettingolderbutcooler · 19/10/2022 12:59

My kids never used to give me the cards! I only found them if I cleared out their bags!

Questions12 · 19/10/2022 13:00

I had 15 coming from his class. I only had 10 rvsp by the date and some turned up on the day! Defo whatsapp remind.

Original poster
immigrant002 · 19/10/2022 13:06

XCTX · 19/10/2022 12:40

How did the parents physically get the invites in the first place? If no whatsapp group and you're shy I can only assume your DC handed them out?

In which case, are you sure he handed them out??

I gave them to the teacher she gave them at the end of the day when everyone is sitting on the carpet waiting for pick up ! She gave my son half and they both gave them to the kids . It was in their bag at pick up

OP posts:
Original poster
immigrant002 · 19/10/2022 13:13

Plingston · 19/10/2022 12:55

I'm in exactly the same position and it has annoyed me. It's rude. We've invited something like 15 kids from school and only around 5 or 6 have responded. The party is less than a week away. I don't do drop offs or collections so I don't know the parents and my husband is always rushing off to work. I know they received them because the teacher puts them in the kids book bags. I will make more party bags than needed just in case. It's my son's first birthday party (at the age of 7) and he is a bit sad about it. I expected that some wouldn't be able to come because of it being during the half term week which might clash with holidays or childcare arrangements or siblings or a million other reasons, but I thought they would let me know.

I am so sorry your son feels sad ! I hope more come at the end ! Like you i am sure they got it cause the teacher put it in their bag . At reception age i alway check his bag as their notes etc in there almost every week
To be honest i couldn't care less about other mums liking me or talking to me etc but i do realise i need to get out of my shell for my son's sake !

OP posts:
Laiste · 19/10/2022 13:14

You know what? Why not send them all out again?

Write on them an RSVP date this time, and a note somewhere on it saying ''Sorry this is a second invite to the same party, but i wasn't sure i'd put the time on some of them so i'm just sending them all out again. Sorry! And [smiley face]

No one has to know it's not true! The teachers wouldn't have looked at them properly.

Hopefully it will catch more eyes, it'll be memorable, and you'll get more replies.
Good luck x

Laiste · 19/10/2022 13:15

I know it will be a right PITA writing 30 of those with notes on (although you could get them printed off) but worth it IMO.

APurpleSquirrel · 19/10/2022 13:26

In June I did a party for my DS (who HL was turning 4) - invited most of his nursery (not all as he wasn't in full-time so didn't even know some of the kids). I had this - a few mums rsvp'd quickly (I had put a date on), others - nothing. I ended up having to chase some up in person, but others I missed. On the day one person turned up who hadn't rsvp'd & one didn't come due to illness but my DS still had a fab time.
This was my first experience of non-rsvps as never happened with any of DDs parties & yes it was incredibly frustrating & stressful.
Unfortunately, just because the invites have been given out doesn't mean they've been received or haven't since been lost etc.
Another mum sent out invites in July (just before the holidays) to her sons party at the start of Sept term - understandable but by August she hadn't heard back from most. I advised her to put up a post on our class FB page reminding everyone & thankfully that helped with responses. In the end the majority were at the party.
You are going to have to bite the bullet & either speak to the parents at pick-up or find a way of circulating a reminder online.

2bazookas · 19/10/2022 13:30

A party for 30 5 yr olds and their parents is my idea of hell; so if my child was invited I'd decline.

But I would have the grace to tell the host "So sorry, we can't come, Aloysius has another engagement that day".

Itmustbeheresomewhere · 19/10/2022 13:35

I'm sorry OP that is crap! I haven't held any large parties for dc yet but we've been to a lot of parties, mainly soft play/trampoline/ Hall and I always rsvp right away as I'd hate to keep anyone guessing.
I recently attended a full class party where I was one of two who rsvp'd, arrived to a very worried mum who thought no one else would come. She had hired a bouncy castle, entertainer etc. It turned out everyone came, including some siblings and extra guests, far more than had been invited. It was a bit chaotic, especially near the end when she made up extra party bags for all the extra kids. The kids had a great time but it was definitely an eye opener.
Do you have a school app where you or the teacher can post messages to the class? If so could you add the rsvp end date there?