Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To be really fed up of my sister’s attitude to my dog?!

60 replies

DogMama93 · 18/10/2022 19:05

Me and my sister got dogs from the same litter of puppies around a year ago. We see each other regularly therefore the dogs see each other regularly and we also take them both to our parents home when we visit etc.

We have completely different views about how we raise our dogs which is absolutely fine, how she raises hers is none of my business yet she makes a point to constantly and openly judge me on how I raise mine.

For example, she asked what food I was changing him onto (butternut box) and when I told her she started going on about how she would never pay prices like that (I get a few discounted boxes which has really helped) and that dogs would be fine on the stuff you can get in the supermarket (which is completely true and nothing wrong with that).

Another example, when we go and visit our parents we are there for a long day so I take his treats along etc, something to keep him chewing and busy - I done a lot of research when he was a baby on what was best and I chose what worked best for us - natural treats such as rabbit ears, chicken feet, pig ears etc because it has natural vitamins and minerals, much lower in fat and has multiple health benefits including great for teeth cleaning! I can pick them up really cheap too, like the chicken feet are 30-40p each. My sister prefers like the pedigree sticks and gravy bone biscuits etc, which my dog has had before, again nothing wrong with them but nutritionally they don’t actually add much benefit so I tend to limit them.

Every time my dog has a treat she tuts and makes the same comments every single time how people are so woke they can’t even feed their dogs supermarket food, how the treats I give him are probably why so many dogs have stomach issues because it’s not good for them etc… my dog has always been absolutely fine on them!

It’s really starting to get on my nerves after nearly a year of this, so when she commented a while back I turned around and told her I was sick of the comments, how I feed my dog these things for the nutritional value and to try and prevent health issues and keep him healthy because of the research I have done and we have moved on from the days of dogs living on scraps!

Any advice?!

OP posts:

WiddlinDiddlin · 19/10/2022 04:14

Tell her to stick it up her bum.

And if you're in my puppy group... I just outed myself... shh!

Your puppy is doing fine, I am sure hers is too... so a non-confrontational but non-reinforcing response (much as you might do with unwanted behaviour from a puppy) and then (again as you'd do with the puppy) redirect her.

'Oh right that's nice... hey did you read/see/watch/....'

And it is probably smart to give yours the same as hers when they're together to avoid any aggro or confrontation over two dogs wanting the same high value, slow to consume chews.

oakleaffy · 19/10/2022 04:47

BeanieTeen · 18/10/2022 19:32

I can see how it’s annoying but I think you just need to grow deaf to it. I’ll be honest though - some of your post does sound a bit overly sanctimonious in terms of dog nutrition. Have you been saying these things to or around your sister? I could understand that in turn she’d find that irritating, maybe she feels judged as much as you do which is why you’re getting a strong reaction from her.

Probably this…
Gravy bones my dog LOVES - they are rubbish, but a couple won’t hurt.
She gets chicken feet and dried tripe sticks too - and rabbit ears.
Not all tinned food is “Bad”
I’m shocked at cost of routine vets fees/ insurance these days after a break in dog owning, and coming back to it.
Seems to be far more expensive in real terms than it once was.

Ralphlol · 19/10/2022 05:49

catchthedog · 18/10/2022 19:22

she sounds jealous that she can't afford the better quality food and treats. you're doing the right thing.

This.

SerenaTee · 19/10/2022 06:01

Every time she starts, just say “we’ve discussed this before and have different views which are unlikely to change so let’s not go over it again” and move the conversation on to another topic.

donttellmehesalive · 19/10/2022 06:22

You are obviously feeding your dog better quality food that is more expensive, so she is probably taking it as implied criticism.

Like if I was feeding my child a macdonalds and my sister pointedly served my niece a nutritious meal made from scratch.

I think you should tell her that it is perfectly ok for you both to make different choices, and point out that you don't comment on her dog's diet, and then ignore if she carries on.

CrustyFlake · 19/10/2022 06:29

Just change the subject whenever she mentions it. Conversations around what people choose to feed their dog are very boring, it should be easy to think if something else to say.

oakleaffy · 19/10/2022 06:34

donttellmehesalive · 19/10/2022 06:22

You are obviously feeding your dog better quality food that is more expensive, so she is probably taking it as implied criticism.

Like if I was feeding my child a macdonalds and my sister pointedly served my niece a nutritious meal made from scratch.

I think you should tell her that it is perfectly ok for you both to make different choices, and point out that you don't comment on her dog's diet, and then ignore if she carries on.

So true!
Butternut box is terribly expensive for what it is ( Did have some at beginning) but if one can afford it and has freezer space, it’s good

Cheaper to buy chicken from supermarket and a few veg

Cleaning dog’s teeth is important though- Getting them used to having teeth brushed with enzyme toothpaste from a young age can save later anguish with “ Dentals “.

hattie43 · 19/10/2022 06:38

So you feed your dog good quality food and your sister feeds hers crap . Keep feeding as you are ( mine are on butternut box and have never looked better ).
I'm sure feeding healthy food will keep dogs from regular vets visits for digestive problems etc it's no different when humans eat nothing but junk food you don't feel good .
Ignore your sister .

BigBagOfPasta · 19/10/2022 06:41

LampHat · 18/10/2022 20:06

Any advice?

Whatever you do, don’t have babies at the same time as each other!

Sux2buthen · 19/10/2022 06:45

Brigante9 · 18/10/2022 20:30

I’d be pointing out that many of the popular brands available in the supermarket use carcinogenic preservatives-BHA, BHT. Many contain the minimum meat, some of which may be derivatives and there is often a large amount of cereals. Dogs do not need huge amounts of cereal. Supermarket food features in the lowest ranking foods on here: www.allaboutdogfood.co.uk/the-dog-food-directory

Dogs will eat actual poo given the chance, I wouldn't worry too much

Aprilx · 19/10/2022 06:47

To be honest your post comes across as very much making the point that you are a far better dog owner than your sister. I expect your sister picks up on the superior attitude in real life too.

newnamethanks · 19/10/2022 06:53

Competitive siblings, what's new? I'm sure you've got far more interesting things to fall out over. How about that thing she used to do when you were 5 that's always annoyed you? Still festering?

londonrach · 19/10/2022 06:54

You both sound as bad as each other. Don't discuss this with your sister if she mentions it just change the subject and stop boasting about it to your sister .

CentralLondonLife · 19/10/2022 06:57

LampHat · 18/10/2022 20:06

Any advice?

Whatever you do, don’t have babies at the same time as each other!

Don't have children at all until you can both grow up a bit!

Its a silly situation about nothing

Iknowforsure1 · 19/10/2022 07:01

It makes me laugh, two grown up people raising dogs like babies and wind each other up. Like PP said, it would be a disaster if you had children at the same time.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 19/10/2022 07:05

echt · 18/10/2022 20:18

You are going to end up with a fat dog if you routinely give him treats to “keep him chewing and busy”.

Don’t be daft they’re long lasting (well chicken feet wouldn’t last a second for my lab, the OP’s dog must be smaller) and chewing is important for dogs. It sounds like she feels bad for not buying these things and is taking it out on you.

CherryLongIsland · 19/10/2022 07:05

Good grief, you sound like children with new toys. Stop spending so much time together seeing as your both so annoyed by each other.

GlassesWearer · 19/10/2022 07:06

I find it somewhat difficult to believe that you don't preach at her after reading "I done a lot of research when he was a baby on what was best and I chose what worked best for us - natural treats such as rabbit ears, chicken feet, pig ears etc because it has natural vitamins and minerals, much lower in fat and has multiple health benefits including great for teeth cleaning! I can pick them up really cheap too, like the chicken feet are 30-40p each". You couldn't keep yourself preaching at us but you supposedly manage to refrain from any comment at all to your sister? It just doesn't align with normal behaviour to be desperate for us to think your way is better but for you to genuinely not think you're better than her or have made any comment to her. I'm sorry, I just don't buy it.

Wildeheart · 19/10/2022 07:10

It sounds like telling her to stop hasn’t worked so I would try a different approach to try and get through to her E.g laughing every time she makes a comment to show her she can’t get to you and you think her behaviour is ridiculous. Ridicule might be more effective than a cross word.

catchthedog · 19/10/2022 07:21

tip for people saying butternut is expensive.. depending on size of the dog - you can order the max size pouches of butternut box and split it between multiple days. this can make it about 1/3rd cheaper.
for example i order the 600g bags making them last 2 days worth of food rather than paying for 2 x 300g.

iloveeverykindofcat · 19/10/2022 07:21

People made fun of me for training my cats to have their teeth brushed. Well they're 11 and 12 now and their teeth are great. I've never paid for a dental. OP you know you're right.

ABBAsnumberonefan · 19/10/2022 07:37

Shes probs being mardy because she knows what you’re doing is better 🤷‍♀️ my dobie use to be on kibble but after becoming reactive I was told to change to raw food as kibble has a lot of additives which makes dogs hyper (like blue smarties ) and it’s helped loads! however my cocker has never had an issue on kibble so she’s still on kibble 🤷‍♀️ both get veg treats and raw treats - it’s what’s best for the dogs.

ABBAsnumberonefan · 19/10/2022 07:40

echt · 18/10/2022 20:18

You are going to end up with a fat dog if you routinely give him treats to “keep him chewing and busy”.

I must be doing something wrong then - nothing wrong with it as long as your dog is healthy and active & it fits into the rest of their diet. That’s like saying I’ll get fat if I have a packet of crisps every day - I’ll only get fat if I’m eating the crisps on top of my TDEE allowance.

WiddlinDiddlin · 20/10/2022 14:16

Every dog I have had in the last 20 years has had long lasting chews, filled Kongs or Toppls etc to work on whilst I want them settled, occupied and not bugging anyone.

Not one single dog has been fat, not even when one of them was on steroids for SRMA.

Perfectly possible to balance out chews/treats vs meals and ensure dogs are getting the right exercise and calorie input.

Very sensible to ensure dogs have something to do, that is stress-reducing and calming, when owners are busy.

KettrickenSmiled · 20/10/2022 14:48

Despite this she is still carrying on and it’s got to the point where I’m not feeding him directly in front of her or I’ll take an alternative food when it’s a long day which is ridiculous really (!) but I’m just so sick of the disapproving looks and comments all the time!
Change what is quite probably the habit of a lifetime in the dynamic between your sister & you - & stop bloody pandering to the woman.
You do not need to change your behaviour because she is being an objectionable twat.
Just feed as you would normally, & either Grey Rock her, or (my preferred option) tell her to fuck off with her ignorance & leave you to handle your own dog as YOU see fit.
www.betterup.com/blog/grey-rocking

Flip

1 2 3