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AIBU?

A wedding when you don't really have any friends

74 replies

Cheesecakeitalian · 18/10/2022 17:54

I've not planned anything but I'd like to get married in the next couple of years. However I only really have one good friend now and a few casual acquaintances. Most women have a few bridesmaids and a massive reception in the evening but I'd feel so embarrassed being there with barely anyone.
Maybe it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things but my partner has a lot more friends than I do so he'd have no trouble inviting people. Shall I just do a registry office wedding.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

81 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
28%
You are NOT being unreasonable
72%
TerfQueen · 18/10/2022 17:56

Save the money from a bit wedding and elope! Barefoot on a tropical beach and stay on for a honeymoon. I know someone (used to know, there’s a reason she has no friends) and she was insistent on a huge wedding when she was estranged from her family and had 2 friends. It was a cringe fest. There was only a handful of people there, no atmosphere it was just so bad. Where as going away looks intentional and that you want to keep it small and special. Much better in my opinion

bare · 18/10/2022 17:57

I would do whatever size suits who you want to invite and who he wants to invite. So a reg office followed by a fancy pub or a boat down a river or whatever you've always wanted to do. Don't do something massive and fill it with randoms you don't care about

hopeishere · 18/10/2022 17:58

We had 40 people at our wedding. I had one bridesmaid. We didn't have an evening do!

Sewannoying · 18/10/2022 17:59

We had a small wedding that was mainly family and it was really lovely. I didn’t bother with a hen do, and I had my young niece as a bridesmaid. (I grew up with bridesmaids being the young children of the family, so never even considered older bridesmaids.) Have the wedding that you want and don’t worry about whether you have sufficient friends.

Cheesecakeitalian · 18/10/2022 17:59

Thank you..
Urgh that's something else I forgot about, the hen do. Well there certainly won't be one in my case.

OP posts:
user1469032438 · 18/10/2022 18:00

I had this, we had a tiny wedding with just immediate family (about 12 people) and then about a month later threw a cheap reception so we could invite all -his- our friends. Maybe something like that would work?

Babdoc · 18/10/2022 18:00

DH and I had 2 witnesses and a registrar at ours! And I went back to work the next morning for a 56 hour continuous shift as a hospital doctor. You really don’t need a big splashy wedding - it’s the marriage that matters, not the event.

RandomMess · 18/10/2022 18:02

If you don't want to elope have an intimate wedding with the reception at a posh restaurant. You two, family and a friend each.

Penguinsaregreat · 18/10/2022 18:03

I would elope and marry on a beach too.

VenusClapTrap · 18/10/2022 18:04

I went to the wedding of a childhood friend I hadn’t seen for years (although we talked on the phone regularly). I was surprised to find she had no other friends there; it was mostly family, plus some friends of her parents and friends of her fiancé, and some neighbours. Quite a small wedding, reception in a pub. It was lovely.

Medoca · 18/10/2022 18:04

Get married because you want to be married, not because you feel you need to keep with what other people do. What they do is completely irrelevant to your day, why don’t you do something you want to do. With the risk of sounding like my mother, ‘if everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you?’ 😂

SeaThingChild · 18/10/2022 18:04

I was in this situation and it was lovely. It means you can spend money on the details that really matter to you as a couple without worrying about staging some kind of event. We had a beautiful simple ceremony in a really unique venue that only had room for 30 people anyway. We only invited 20 guests, mainly DH's friends and family, no bridesmaids or hen/stag do's (my idea of a nightmare anyway) and just tailored it perfectly around us.

2pinkginsplease · 18/10/2022 18:05

We had a little wedding with only family during the day 38 people in total, we had a party and invited friends and work colleagues to that.

loved our day, no hassle, no stress and was perfect for us.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/10/2022 18:07

Oh God no.

And massive no to a tacky hen do!

And no to a massive wedding, where everyone has to be bored while waiting ages while photos are taken, then cringe and watch me in a big white floaty dress.

I'm planning my wedding, which will be me and future hubby, the local register office, a couple of witnesses then a nice lunch down the pub. The marriage is more important than one day.

Don't get sucked in to all the 'but you should...', ' 'but it's tradition... ''

Just do whatever you want that makes you both happy. Congratulations!

Echobelly · 18/10/2022 18:08

I didn't have any close female friends who it seemed appropriate to have as BMs, it's fine. Also, i got married in a mid length, coloured dress so BMs weren't really going to work with that - so unless you're really into a big white dress, having a smaller, coloured one can be one way to make BMs less of an issue.

I had niece as a flower girl and that was all, I don't think there's any expectation to have a bridal party.

You don't have to have a hen do - DH and I had a combined stag/hen as we didn't like the whole 'Last night of freedom' thing

misskatamari · 18/10/2022 18:09

You do the wedding that you want! Fuck tradition. I didn't have a hen party and DH and i went to Vegas and got married just the two of us, and it was ace! We did have a party back home, which was lovely, but we made that our own and it was lots of fun and not traditional. Who cares what people think you should do. It's yours and your fiances day, and you should do whatever makes you happy

WalkingOnSonshine · 18/10/2022 18:11

We had about 60 people for ours (abroad) and I didn’t have bridesmaids or a hen do.

I got ready and had my sister and friends dipping in and out, getting ready with me etc but it was actually really nice to have some quiet time just me too.

My sister & friends said they got to do the fun aspects of being a bridesmaid without the rubbish stuff!

thelobsterquadrille · 18/10/2022 18:12

We had four guests at our wedding - just both sets of parents.

A small registry office ceremony, afternoon tea at a local hotel and a night at a local boutique B&B. It was perfect for us.

Blinkingmarvellous · 18/10/2022 18:13

I took some really lovely weddings with limited numbers (during covid). 30 is actually a good number - it all feels more intimate and less stressful. Small can be beautiful and cost effective too.

Colderthanever · 18/10/2022 18:14

Are none of his friends in relationships, are you not friends with any of their partners?

Usernameisgone · 18/10/2022 18:14

I don't have anyone to invite to a wedding so, myself and my husband eloped. We got married in Gibraltar.
No big fancy do or tacky hen or anything, just myself my partner and 2 witnesses which the company provides.

MeowMeowPowerRangers · 18/10/2022 18:16

Me and DH just got married at a registry office with our two DC. Was perfect.

I couldn't have a big wedding, just fills me with dread.

bloodyeverlastinghell · 18/10/2022 18:18

Go small. One of the nicest weddings I went to was registry office in Edinburgh a couple of cabs to prestonfield house. Slap up dinner and lots of laughter. Felt really nice and intimate.

asi9 · 18/10/2022 18:19

I had the same worries. I have no close friends at all - a couple of work acquaintances but no real friends. I'd had a good group of friends at university but pushed them all away when I had a terrible time with my mental health after graduating. Somehow made it through the entirety of my twenties without making a single real friend.

My husband had a fair few friends to invite (most from his hobbies so not friends I claim as my own) and was keen to have them at our wedding, and I knew deep down that the only reason I wanted a tiny registry office wedding was because I felt embarrassed about having no bridesmaids or friends, not because it was what I actively wanted. In the end I had a good cry about the situation to my fiance and my mum and felt much better once it was said out loud. We went ahead with 45 guests - 30 on his side and 15 family members on mine. I loved that husband was able to have his friends there and if anybody noticed my lack of friends I wasn't aware of it.

LeafHunter · 18/10/2022 18:20

It varies. I don’t have family so the people DH invited easily outnumbered the people I did.

Do you have joint friends, are you friends with his friends etc?

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