A wedding when you don't really have any friends

[Cheesecakeitalian]

I've not planned anything but I'd like to get married in the next couple of years. However I only really have one good friend now and a few casual acquaintances. Most women have a few bridesmaids and a massive reception in the evening but I'd feel so embarrassed being there with barely anyone.
Maybe it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things but my partner has a lot more friends than I do so he'd have no trouble inviting people. Shall I just do a registry office wedding.

[ApocalypseNowt]

I will selflessly volunteer to be a guest OP.

I love weddings, am good at buying appropriate gifts, can make small talk with other guests, am not a fussy eater & will join in with the dancing.

My diary is usually pretty clear too so I'm good to go

[TheDogsMother]

We had a Covid wedding so 15 people including us. We had it in a lovely country venue which was very special to us and had an amazing fine dining menu with lovely wine pairings. We were able to treat our guests to a really nice afternoon. As an older B & G who were second time around it was exactly as we wanted it (except it was October rather than the original lovely spring time wedding we'd planned 🤣).

[catsonahottinroof]

I was going to say just elope, or have a really small do with family only, but if your partner has loads of friends then a big do would be fine. Most people won't know or care how many people are on which side.

[MRSE20]

As long as you, your close family that you want there, or friends and your spouse to be are there - no one else matters. We had a small ceremony of 22 people. You could have less if you wanted too. Albeit we did have a larger evening, but honestly the fact I was married to DH and had my closest family and friends there was all that mattered the most to me. I am on an app called hitched when I was wedding planning, and I know a lot of brides or grooms to be worry about having no friends or a very small circle, I think it’s because we see weddings with 8+ bridesmaids or large venues and worry we won’t have that, but I think that having an intimate wedding (IMO I guess I’m biased because I had one) was the best choice I made

[StrychnineInTheSandwiches]

Whatever type of wedding you decide on just avoid having a bride's side and a groom's side in the church/registry office/wedding venue. Make it clear to people to just sit where they like and that way it won't be obvious to anyone that your husband has invited more people than you have.

And you say you have one close friend, so you could still do the hen night thing if you'd secretly like to. It doesn't need to mean sashes and willy straws and licking squirty cream of an oily stripper. It can be whatever you want it to be; a nice quiet afternoon tea, a weekend surfing, attending a model railway exhibition. Anything basically!

[Bananabreakfast123]

We had a small wedding with only 15 people, closest family and friends. It was lovely, relaxed and intimate. I still had the white dress and veil, beautiful rural wedding venue, sister as my bridesmaid, evening entertainment and danced all night. We picked the things we loved most about a wedding and ditched some of the parts we didn't want. Have the day you want and that makes you comfortable.

[saraclara]

Most people won't know or care how many people are on which side.

That. It's all very well posters saying to elope or just have a dozen or so guests. But her fiance does have a lot of friends and he probably wants to have them there.

So invite the people that you and he want to invite, OP, and make the seating informal and inclusive. No 'bride's side and groom's side' (which I've always thought was pointless)

[CanStopWillStop]

@Cheesecakeitalian

Thank you..
Urgh that's something else I forgot about, the hen do. Well there certainly won't be one in my case.

Do you actually want a hen do? IMO they're highly over rated and drama-fuelled... I'd happily pass on having one!

[ehb102]

Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people 😀

I had a big wedding. It doesn't matter in the slightest and I advise all the next generation to elope. You're basically sharing the joy, which is nice, but you personally don't get any extra benefit after the first 10 people.

[Gymnopedie]

OP I guarantee you that if it really was such a huge thing to you, if you posted where the wedding was at least 10 local MNers (almost certainly more!) would volunteer to buy a hat!
(Even take you out for a nice meal the night before so that you weren't total strangers.)
And I'm not joking.

[Summergarden]

Hi OP,

As a guest I always enjoy smaller weddings more. I’m an introvert and the larger the gathering, the more stressful and exhausting I find it.

For our own wedding, we deliberately chose a smaller venue so that provided the perfect excuse for limiting the number of guests. Think we had approx 35 in total. Added bonus was that we used the money we saved by having fewer guests on a more luxurious honeymoon! Absolutely zero regrets.

[SwordToFlamethrower]

Elope and have an amazing posh honeymoon

[Howmanysleepsnow]

I was the same… except without the good friend, or the casual acquaintances. My hen night was me and DD8, and she was also my bridesmaid. The wedding was my family and his friends. It was still lovely (though if I had my time again I’d invite less of his friends as I didn’t know them and 6 years on he doesn’t see many of them anymore: he’s moved on to new ones.)

[MumofSpud]

@misskatamari

You do the wedding that you want! Fuck tradition. I didn't have a hen party and DH and i went to Vegas and got married just the two of us, and it was ace! We did have a party back home, which was lovely, but we made that our own and it was lots of fun and not traditional. Who cares what people think you should do. It's yours and your fiances day, and you should do whatever makes you happy

Me and DH did the same - minus the party though!
I said to my dad could we keep to one tradition- as in you pay (was joking!)
Cost £6000 - £2000 from each set of parents and us - but we used DH's parents' contribution to buy sofas when we got back!

[ChocFrog]

I saw a couple get married at a posh hotel in the Carribean. They had no guests and just hotel staff to be witnesses. They looked like they were having a fabulous time. Maybe go away just the teo of you (or just with family)?

[Hadalifeonce]

There were 9 at our register office wedding. We all had a nice meal afterwards.

[HighlandPony]

Another vote for eloping. I have a massive family and a lot of friends too but I hated the faff. Three a big party the weekend after. 17 years and still don’t regret it

[TootMootZoot]

What does you partner want to do. If he wants his friends at the wedding then it seems a bit unreasonable to have a small wedding just because you don't have enough friends.

Having said that I prefer small weddings. We only had 20 guests and I didn't have a hen do. It was a really happy and enjoyable day.

[PickAnyName]

There are more important things to spend money on than a big expensive wedding in the current financial climate — put money towards your home, your heating and your future. Don’t invite people just to make up the numbers. Do what you feel comfortable with and what makes you happy.

[clyspa]

As per other posters - there is more than one way to get married!

[Pusillanimouswitch]

I’ve had two weddings; a big traditional wedding, complete with hen do and a much smaller one, I definitely preferred the latter and it wasn’t just the choice of groom 🤣 much less stress and you can be more relaxed with the budget. And hen do’s, honestly people wanting you to spend £££ going to Ibiza, no way! You only have to look at so many posts from hen party guests on MN to see what a clusterfuck they are

[Bearthepooh]

I've just had the same issue, I don't have msny close friends had an abroad wedding with 15 people, and no hen do as the friends I do have are men. I feel a bit sad I didn't get the full experience.

However, I've planned the big wedding with hen do before from a previous relationship/engagement which never went ahead and I'll be honest the stress wasn't worth it. Less people means less drama and pressure

[SpringHexagon]

I am getting married abroad next year, some family are coming along but other than that no friends or extended family were even invited. Also not having a reception when we come back, I don't have much family and very few friends, my partner has a massive family and meets more people through his job, it would be very one sided if we invited everyone we both wanted lol.

[birdsongismyfave]

You haven't said what he wants?
We were like you guys but in reverse - I have a massive close family and lots of friends all the way back to school, my husband has a small family and less friends. At the start of planning he was very hung up on the 'sides being equal' and wanting me to cut my side to match his, or wanting to invite spouses of random work colleagues to make up numbers on 'his side. As planning progressed and we talked about it more we stopped wanting to pay for meals for people who didn't enrich either of our lives, he thought more about aspects of the day that were really important to him to get right (like the guest list was important to me, he cared more about the food and wine) and both of us focused on this was just a party for a marriage.
Personally I would have been pretty upset if he'd have wanted a registry office or to elope (I can't imagine getting married without my mum, dad, grandparents, godparents, aunties, uncles, siblings, best mate...) but hey you're not marrying me so who cares what I think haha, this is all about you and your husband. It's good practice compromising for the start of married life, I hope you have an amazing day whatever you decide xx