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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A wedding when you don't really have any friends

74 replies

Cheesecakeitalian · 18/10/2022 17:54

I've not planned anything but I'd like to get married in the next couple of years. However I only really have one good friend now and a few casual acquaintances. Most women have a few bridesmaids and a massive reception in the evening but I'd feel so embarrassed being there with barely anyone.
Maybe it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things but my partner has a lot more friends than I do so he'd have no trouble inviting people. Shall I just do a registry office wedding.

OP posts:

TheLizardQueen · 18/10/2022 18:24

We had 6 people at our wedding (including us) it was a lovely day and not too expensive. FWIW I am also a wedding photographer and the smaller weddings are so much nicer IMO, more personal and intimate.

WimbyAce · 18/10/2022 18:26

Neither me or oh have many friends. Luckily we have 2 daughters so we are sorted for bridesmaids 😅

FreezyWater · 18/10/2022 18:26

Take it from someone who had a massive wedding because of DHs awful sister- they're not all they are cracked up to be.
I was quite happy to go and get married in Wales and not tell anyone.
I remember our day fondly and I have lots of good memories but if I could go back and change it I absolutely would.

Do what suits you and your partner. Its the marriage that counts, not the day! Xx

Notagain12 · 18/10/2022 18:28

Based on your other post, you may have some more nicer friends by the time you get married! It’s about you and your husband no one else!

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 18/10/2022 18:31

As a few other posters have said, just elope with just you and your partner, and then come back and have a meal with your DP, and yours and his friends, and any family you may have. Even if it's only 9-12 people altogether - including you and your DP, so what? Much better to have just a handful, or even just one or two people in your life who love you and care for you, than 100 fakers and hangers-on, who use you and abuse your trust and friendship.

I know LOADS of people who had 200-250 people at their wedding, 80% who they barely knew, didn't know, or didn't like. Many were colleagues and acquaintances of the parents, and even work colleagues of the parents. Along with loads of extended family that the bride and groom hadn't seen for 2 decades, who they had fuck-all to do with, and who they didn't see again after the wedding.

We had 29 people at our wedding, including us 2. We had to pay for it all ourselves as both sets of parents were poor, so we were totally in charge and VERY selective about who we invited. Many people were offended and sniffy at not being invited, and some people gave us a wide berth after, as they were soooooooo disgusted and slighted at not being invited. Good fucking riddance.

Please don't be fooled into thinking that people who have 100+ people at their wedding are happier than you, or more popular than you, or BETTER than you. None of that is true.

@Cheesecakeitalian

Good luck to you in all that you do. Hope you and your lovely partner are happy forever.

Original poster

Cheesecakeitalian · 18/10/2022 18:34

Thanks, this has made me feel better :) i was crying over it which is pathetic. I don't think we would elope but a small UK wedding would be great. His friends are nice to me but they're not really my friends as such. I mean i wouldn't meet them without him. I did try to make closer friends with one but she just wasn't interested. Anyway maybe I'll meet new people before then.

OP posts:

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 18/10/2022 18:34

I got married abroad as it would have been really odd to have barely anyone on my side and loads on my ex-h.
My work colleagues who I wasn't close to insisted on a 'hen do'. The restaurant we went to got closed down a week later for serious h&s breaches 🤢.

My current DP has as few family as I do and also has no friends so our wedding will be very small. Most places charge quite heavily for small weddings plus what they call a small wedding is still way more people than we know. We were considering getting married in our garden if the rules change.
My brother got married last year and there were loads of people there (mainly bride's side), massive hen and stag do's too - my idea of hell.

Summerfun54321 · 18/10/2022 18:36

I have plenty of friends but chose a tiny wedding with immediate family followed by a boozy lunch then everyone buggered off home. No hen do either. Loved every minute of it, it was super chilled and we had our nearest and dearest with us on the day. Then we had a date night just the two of us in the evening.

Dixiechickonhols · 18/10/2022 18:37

I’d have a small wedding. Hen dos aren’t compulsory I didn’t have or want one. Don’t have a bridesmaid.

PollyAmour · 18/10/2022 18:44

You don't need a hen night, they are overrated and tacky as anything. You need a pleasant little ceremony with a handful of people, a lovely meal, then jet off somewhere glorious for your honeymoon.

A woman I work with had 200 wedding guests for the day and a further 100 guests in the evening. The whole wedding came to over 30k and I swear, she knew less than a quarter of those attending. A lot of guests were workmates and their partners. Her 11 bridesmaids and flowergirls were various cousins and cousin's children. It was (for me) how I would imagine a celebrity wedding to be - all fluff and no substance.

Have a lovely wedding day.

Hendalle · 18/10/2022 18:46

Hi Op! I’m similar to you, I don’t have a big friendship group it’s just not my thing. DH and I had 15 guests at our wedding it was lovely. We got to spend time with all of them which was important to us particularly as they’d travelled to attend, we still did the big meal and we hired a jazz band for the afternoon which was lovely! Our reception venue was a hotel where we were all staying so while we didn’t have an evening do as such, we put on some food in the evening, took over a room next to the bar and just had so much fun… we’d suggested guests either send us a list of songs for a playlist or bring their iPod etc to use so we had a real mix of music. The night ended with us sitting around playing trivial pursuit with our friends. I know it wouldn’t work for some people but it was great fun for us. My only regret is that we didn’t treat our guests more, I wish we’d spoiled them a bit more!

Qwerkie · 18/10/2022 18:48

Go abroad - weddings are super cheap in Cyprus and you get a nice holiday at the same time. I had 12 people at my wedding and it was a gorgeous beautiful day

Ponderingwindow · 18/10/2022 18:51

We had a wedding that was just a couple dozen people. We had a nice meal and skipped the evening do. Both DH and I hate that part of a wedding so neither of us had any interest in hosting one.

DottieGinger · 18/10/2022 18:52

We eloped :) it was lovely!

Theres places out there that specialise in elopement weddings and you can still have a day where you get dressed up, photos and a cake etc.

We got married at the Millbrook Estate in Devon it was lovey :) we booked a private meal on site in the evening for us two with our own private chef. As it’s smaller scale you can go really all on out on things :) it was perfect

Bpdqueen · 18/10/2022 18:54

Go abroad and get married then there's only a few people or go Vegas and u can grab a couple of strangers to witness

SirenSays · 18/10/2022 18:56

Big weddings are overrated and expensive. Elope!
My new friend was showing me pictures from her wedding. It looked lovely, lots of smiling friends, then she admitted she hadn't actually seen any one of them since that day.

Paq · 18/10/2022 19:20

I didn't have a hen do, I just had a few drinks with my mum and my sister. Weddings and their trappings are massively OTT. I bet you will have an absolutely perfect day, just plan what you want, not what you think other people expect.

TheNoodlesIncident · 18/10/2022 19:20

Qwerkie · 18/10/2022 18:48

Go abroad - weddings are super cheap in Cyprus and you get a nice holiday at the same time. I had 12 people at my wedding and it was a gorgeous beautiful day

Agree with the posters suggesting this sort of idea. We had similar as at that time I didn't have friends and felt it would be mortifying and noticeable in front of my more distant family. We were married at 6 in the evening, still gorgeously sunny, then went to a lovely restaurant afterwards where everyone could choose what they wanted to have, no set menu where it's chicken or the veggie option.

If I could change anything about it, to be honest I would just "go on holiday" and come back having got married. I feel terrible now that we made people like our parents go abroad when they maybe didn't really want to. But it's still better than a wedding at home with everyone noticing I didn't have any mates at all! (I have three very good and lovely friends now, btw.)

Whatwouldyoudo24 · 18/10/2022 19:25

I attended my best friends wedding last month. It was just her close family, the grooms close family and my family.
It was a bloody brilliant wedding and reception! Everyone knew who everyone else was so avoided any awkwardness and we had the best time honestly.
Your wedding will be perfect whatever you decide, it’s your day so just plan what you want and have a wonderful time!

Medoca · 18/10/2022 19:32

I once went to 8 weddings in one year. They were all big dos, the usual large house/gardens thing. Same food, same entertainment, same people for half of them. I honestly couldn’t differentiate them now or tell you who had which one. We eloped abroad. It was the best day of my life, just the two of us, was really romantic and went to town on amazing food, swanky hotel, first class flights etc. - wedding and honeymoon combined!!

gogohmm · 18/10/2022 19:35

Small weddings are great, or elope, somewhere really nice, for the money you would spend on even a fairly basic wedding in the U.K. you can have an amazing trip abroad

toomuchlaundry · 18/10/2022 19:36

DH and I had 40 at our wedding, no bridesmaids, quite a simple wedding, mixture of close friends and family. No evening do, just the ceremony and leisurely meal.

Beancounter1 · 18/10/2022 20:38

I had the same issue - no real friends of my own at that time in my life. But I did want a 'proper' wedding, not a tiny event or going abroad.

If you invite a mix of a) extended family on your side and b) girlfriends of your DP's friends, then they won't know each other, and it won't be obvious to anyone that none are 'your' friends. It doesn't matter if more of the guests are DH side as no-one will notice (unless you go for a church with two distinct sides). Have a buffet instead of sit-down meal so you don't need to worry about a seating plan. If there is enough of a crowd milling about so that people don't get to talk to everyone, then no-one will be any the wiser.

Have an afternoon ceremony that blends straight into the evening after the buffet, so no awkward gap in the day. Or make it just late morning and afternoon with no evening.
Don't have any bridesmaids or flower girls. Skip the hen do.

Most importantly, talk to your DP and Mum about how you are feeling.

FourChimneys · 18/10/2022 20:48

We had 15 at ours and kept it very short. Married at 11 am, lunch, then we were on our way to our honeymoon by 3 pm.

Honestly, it's about the marriage, not the wedding. Decide what's really important to you and stick to it.

Pinkittens · 18/10/2022 20:55

I think a PP suggestion of boutique hotel sounds lovely, and if the room is appropriately sized for your wedding party it won't look like there should have been more people there IYSWIM.

And weddings come in all shapes and sizes! After the lockdowns, I think it really shook up people's expectations of what social events "should" look like and how many people "should" be there. I've been to big weddings and TBH although some have been lovely, some feel so impersonal, and people tend to sit and stay in their own friendship bubbles anyway. It would be a very sad individual to count up how many guests are from each side and think something negative about it. Usually people are just happy to be invited to a lovely wedding and enjoy it!

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