Another ‘nice guy’ not so nice

[Boosaidthecat]

Went out for drinks last night with friends from my industry, I’m seeing one of these men. (Monday’s and Tuesday are our days off).

Man I’m seeing got more drunk than everyone else towards the end of the night so myself and another friend took him back to his. When we got there he got really shouty and aggressive with me doing things like grabbing my face and pushing me back down onto the couch when I tried to remove myself worst was he took his belt off as he was getting undressed and threw it at me.

this morning he didn’t remember so I told him and I ended up minimising it and comforting him while he cried because HE was sad.

Ive been in this situation before. I know not all women are like this but is this a common female experience? Putting our own issues away for the sake of men. I’m so tired of it sometimes.

Maybe it was the drink?

Whatever 'caused' it I hope you've ended your relationship OP, you only need to see this behaviour once to know it will happen again at some point.

Congratulations on minimizing as per the OPs point

I hope you have ended it.And why on earth are you comforting him instead of getting your running shoes on to get away as quickly as possible.

What kind of reply is that?!

I've had quite a few relationships, all of them were drunk at one time or another yet none of them ever behaved like the OP described. It's hardly an excuse.

OP I hope you'll end it.

When you say issues do you mean not enjoying being mistreated?

and when you mean put away do you mean ignore?

he’s a dick op. But it’s your choice to stay. There are some circumstances in which it’s genuinely difficult for women to leave but it doesn’t sound like there are any in your case.

so your choice.

It’s male entitlement pure and simple

easy to blame drink

I even had an ex blame satan wTAF? For his two timing shit

its called people pleasing

dump his sorry arse and increase your boundaries

Even if it was "the drink" people don't tend to do things that are completely out of character when they're drunk.

Drink or not, you need to dump him. You are worth more.

Dump him. I'm sorry you went through that, but no more!

Sometimes being a 'doormat' can be a survival instinct - drunk man, safer to placate him now and dump by text later.

But once you've dumped him, you can work on your confidence to deal with these situations if you feel it might help.

You’re dumping him, yes?

Don't know how long you've been seeing him but you've probably just found out why he was available!

@Boosaidthecat

he got really shouty and aggressive with me doing things like grabbing my face and pushing me back down onto the couch when I tried to remove myself

I recommend removing yourself permanently from this situation.

No man - or woman, for that matter - gets to lay hands on me without my explicit permission and that goes double if there is any violent or coercive element.

More red flags than a Communist Party picnic here.

And also:

this morning he didn’t remember

Of course he didn't. How spectacularly convenient for him.

Get out now.

That's a good feeling, that being sick of it. That's what gives you energy to get rid and move on. And yeah, it's depressing there are so many shit men around. Not all, but too many.

You dumped him right?

He was aggressive and abusive. End of.

I don't buy the alcohol excuse. I've been utterly wasted plenty of times and managed not to shout at people and be aggressive. Instead ive aptly demonstrated why I'll never be on strictly.

My point is alcohol just brings things out to the surface. This is who he is.

I disagree. I've defo known a fair few people who change significantly when drunk.

But he should know better than to get this drunk if it affects him badly. And most people are on best behaviour around loved ones.

'change significantly when drunk' - I suppose it depends whether you think the 'out of character' drunk behaviour is or isn't part of their real character they just hide most of the time.

This, it is no excuse. Dancing around with a bollard on your head, fine, disinhibited. Threatening, aggressive behaviour is something most don't do in drink. If you continue with this "relationship" you are in for a world of pain.

You've been assaulted.

Get out now. I was in a 4 year relationship with an alcoholic
under the influence, he was verbally, physically and mentally abusive. And totally irrational and confrontational, not just to me but innocent bystanders
I wish I hadn’t wasted 4 years trying to ‘save him’

Gross.
Anyone who gets aggressive like this will NEVER change.
Exh was like this, was a real shouty sweary aggressive cunt. Every time he had a drink. Rude. Absolute twat towards me after a drink.
12 years I put up with it. I'd HATE going to parties/family weddings with him because of how he was with a drink.
Being with DP now is wat made me fully realise that not every man is like that. So please take this as a window to what this man is truly like. And run for the hills

I don't think anyone does anything out of character when drunk. They lose their inhibitions so are more likely to be themselves, that's all.

I was away last of weekend with a group of , mostly men, through a hobby. Very large amounts of alcohol were consumed but people just became a louder/sillier version of themselves, no one became aggressive, rude, unkind or violent.

OP "Putting our own issues away for the sake of men. I’m so tired of it sometimes."

don't do it then. Hope you dumped him.