Another ‘nice guy’ not so nice

[Boosaidthecat]

Went out for drinks last night with friends from my industry, I’m seeing one of these men. (Monday’s and Tuesday are our days off).

Man I’m seeing got more drunk than everyone else towards the end of the night so myself and another friend took him back to his. When we got there he got really shouty and aggressive with me doing things like grabbing my face and pushing me back down onto the couch when I tried to remove myself worst was he took his belt off as he was getting undressed and threw it at me.

this morning he didn’t remember so I told him and I ended up minimising it and comforting him while he cried because HE was sad.

Ive been in this situation before. I know not all women are like this but is this a common female experience? Putting our own issues away for the sake of men. I’m so tired of it sometimes.

Run a mile from him. His problems are not yours. If he can't remember doing it, then he needs help. If he does that kind of thing then he also needs help. Either way you aren't his mom so why are you trying to help him. You are worth more than him.

I wouldn't have taken him home - red flag is a man who can't control his drinking in that he's way ahead of everyone else at a particular function. Definitely a red flag with streamers if he knew you were going to be staying over - are you supposed to be his carer?
Add fireworks to this little carnival at the point he started pushing you around.
And yet it sounds like you stayed all night? Of course he says he can't remember it... that's a lie, but he'll store it up and now he knows you'll take it.

Think about the evening and at what point your heart sank at what was going on. I bet it was before you'd even left the bar, just before you asked someone to help get him home. That little heart sinking feeling is your instinct, and your personal reminder it's time to nope out of the evening. Trust that, and not the adrenaline, panicky 'I'll be ok if he grabs me again because we work together' feeling.

He threw a belt at you and put his hands on you.

Dump this guy. The fact he cried for himself and then talks to you about it is extremely abusive too.

Who the fuck cares if 'it was the drink'????? He still did it! Showed his true colours well and truly there, and might do it again next time he drinks - or even when he's sober further down the line. He sounds like an absolute arsehole.

Walk away from this relationship. Some people are happy dunks, and some aggressive nasty bastards.... you've met the wrong type.

you'll always be on guard around him if he's drinking.

Yes, a lot of Women are condition like that.

As a middle aged woman I’ve never experienced that and I’ve been in a few relationships and I like a drink as do most of the men I’ve been with.
Drink is not an excuse.

personally I cringe when people say LTB but you know this isn’t right. Trust your instinct

Do you have to work directly with him op? If you end it now, can you stay away from him easily, as in, just avoid those nights out with those friends?

LTB.

Alcohol is a disinhibitor and just reveals what nastiness is crawling underneath the smiling sober exterior.

If being drunk is enough for him to do this, what other stresses will make the mask slip? Anger? Not getting his own way?

Massive red flags here. Don’t become another Domestic Violence or homicide statistic.

No excuses. Full stop.