To not let DS’s ex come on holiday with us?

[nasri67]

Next week, we're going on holiday to visit FIL, we do this every October half term but DS is 17 now and he did seem to enjoy it last year, we think he might be a bit bored as he’ll be with 5 adults, a 9 yo and a 2 yo. A few months ago, DP told him ex could come with us (they were in a relationship then). They split up over the summer and have recently gotten onto ‘good terms’ although from what I've heard DS say to his friends, they seem to argue over silly things and not like each other again - the usual teenage stuff.

He still wants to bring the ex as DP said he could. I've asked if he wants to bring another friend, he's refused.

WIBU to say he can't?

My reason for saying no would be because of them arguing although I might be being unreasonable

YANBU. I think I would use the 'excuse' that the dynamic has changed and it wouldn't be appropriate. He'd also either still be expected to share with ex, or someone else would, presumably? That can't be good. And if they're secretly back together, then it's still not appropriate.

Does his ex still even want to go though?

Do they argue in front of other people?

Is he hoping they’ll get back together?

Well is she an ex or are they back together again?

Can't say I blame him for not finding the idea of your holiday terribly appealing.

How old is the gf? How mature is she? How easy would it be for her to go back home (by herself) if things became uncomfortable? If she is underage, I'm guessing you will be discussing the trip with her parents anyway. They might put your mind at ease or agree that she shouldn't be going in the current circumstances.

Surely he can stay home alone if he doesn't want to come?

I can't imagine many 17yos want to spend their whole half term on a family holiday visiting their grandparents with their little siblings.

DS and the ex would have to share, they aren't back together but according to DS she wants to come, she's 18. They have argued in front of other people at college etc but I think they mainly do over text. He won't be able to stay home alone.

I couldn't imagine a trip more boring for a teen.

Let him stay home or bring the ex.

Why do you get to change things? DPs happy for ex to come and so is ds. Yabu.

YABU. This isn’t up to you. Why are you trying to control this? If he wants to bring her, why shouldn’t he?

Why can't he stay at home?

Nope. Recipe for disaster. If he wants to holiday with his ex then let him crack on with his own money when they entire family do not have to endure their arguments.
Leave him at home if he doesn't want to come.

Presumably it’ll be the OP paying?

It sounds like the ex is being a bit of a CF and wants a free holiday.

They’re going to see the in-laws and DP invited them. So no, it’s not up to the OP.

Why can't he stay home?

So he's allowed to bring any friend he wants except the friend he wants to bring...?

Why would he be bored ....
Where are you going...ie where does FIL live ..
It's his grandparent I assume ...

Why can't he stay home alone?

He's seventeen, not seven.

I'd let him bring her if he wants to.

Why can't he stay at home? Sounds like the best option

Nope, I'd not want drama. I'd tell him, he can bring another friend. He may be 17, but you're still the parent.

What about the OPs partner? He's DS dad and has said the ex can come. Why does the OP get the final say when everyone else is ok with the ex coming?

Rather than taking his ex, couldn't he bring a friend instead?

No to bringing ex, just say circumstances have changed. Why would he be bored ? As long as you accommodate a bit what he'd like to do and not only do things for the little ones or adults. Maybe split off into groups a bit make sure he gets sone attention too . I don't agree with letting teenagers opt out of family life, these times are important.