To not let DS’s ex come on holiday with us?

[nasri67]

Next week, we're going on holiday to visit FIL, we do this every October half term but DS is 17 now and he did seem to enjoy it last year, we think he might be a bit bored as he’ll be with 5 adults, a 9 yo and a 2 yo. A few months ago, DP told him ex could come with us (they were in a relationship then). They split up over the summer and have recently gotten onto ‘good terms’ although from what I've heard DS say to his friends, they seem to argue over silly things and not like each other again - the usual teenage stuff.

He still wants to bring the ex as DP said he could. I've asked if he wants to bring another friend, he's refused.

WIBU to say he can't?

DS has SN and isn't responsible enough to stay home alone. We can't reduce the days as it's 5+ hours in the car so we wouldn't get to do much. He has said that they aren't back together and she knows he doesn't want them to be.

Could he stay with a friend over half term rather than going on holiday?

I think the holiday you have planned isn't really suitable for a 17yo - especially as you say he has SN and therefore can't go off independently and do some stuff on his own. They want to be with their friends at that age, not visiting grandparents with their little siblings.

If he can't stay home alone, can you arrange for him to stay with a friend, or can DP go alone and he stays home with you? Or you all go, but you arrange some time alone with him so he's not stuck with his much younger siblings the whole time?

If his SN (understandably) mean he can't be left, I think you need to have a look at how you approach holidays in general. They need to be suitable for him as well as for everyone else - it's not really fair to gear it around you/the little ones while he's stuck tagging along on his own.

DS did enjoy it last year, he does things with FIL, BIL and DP alone which he enjoys whilst me and SIL look after DN and DS so he isn't with the younger DC’s constantly unless we all have an activity/meal out. DP only really suggested the ex come as he went away for a weekend with her and in case he got a bit bored.

In your shoes? I'd say it's not appropriate, you don't feel comfortable with it and that you don't want the ex to come. And you can sweeten the deal with something that your DS can do on holiday? You are the parent, after all.

Everyone's saying DS should stay home but OP hasn't even suggested he wants to...

I think it's fine to take her but you don't so that's that.

DS hasn't complained about not wanting to come, although he might if we tell him ex can't come

I wouldn't let ex come. You're not a free holiday service for ex girlfriends.

Sounds like he'll have a boring time regardless, but I can see why you wouldn't want her to come.

OP has already been on the holiday now

Next week we're going on holiday to visit FIL, we do this every October half term

I wonder how it went