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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour punched my door?

96 replies

YesitsBess · 16/10/2022 18:34

We’ve recently moved temporarily (myself and my son 13) into a flat I’ve owned for years, it needs refurbishment and I wouldn’t put tenants in right now. There are other reasons but those aren’t entirely pertinent to what just happened.

It’s a low-rise block with communal bins, we’re 2nd floor at the end of a corridor. I put the rubbish (bagged, not bin-juicy - I’ve got a thing about ‘wet rubbish’ and take it out right away) and two small cardboard boxes outside our door and asked the boy to take them down to the bins.

He did forget, no excuses but he forgot for about 20 mins. I’d been cooking and came out when I checked if he’d done the chore to a note saying “Don’t leave garbage in the halls”.

So far, so 100% fine. Bang to rights, I wouldn’t want to live next door to people who left no bags in halls.

I told my son to take the rubbish down immediately, he did so and I wrote on the bottom of the anonymous note: really sorry, they were out for son to take down, teenagers sometimes make mistakes. Please knock in future if there is a problem, I don’t bite :)

Son took the rubbish down, we are now at 30 mins tops? Then I hear a massive bang, went to his room to see if he’d knocked something over, he hadn’t. I opened the door and my neighbours husband or partner was storming down the corridor with the note in his hand muttering swear words. I can only conclude he punched the door and went off before I could answer. But why do that?

So as not to drop feed, the block has a super efficient management company and I would have known if previous tenants had caused a problem with garbage.

Also, I’m not scared per se, just a bit baffled at how that escalated.

I will 100% keep all rubbish indoors until the last second now also! But AIBU that hitting a door that hard is a bit much?

OP posts:
milkyaqua · 16/10/2022 22:16

Explain to me again how this is a me problem.

It's a you problem because you seem to think leaving your rubbish in communal spaces for whatever length of time is okay. Most people don't want rubbish in communal spaces, and don't read minds and know it will "only" be for whatever amount of time. Keep your rubbish inside until it is ready to be taken out.

Original poster
YesitsBess · 16/10/2022 22:25

3ShotsOfEspresso · 16/10/2022 22:12

@TinySaltLick I do get what you’re saying (I know this is MN but I’m being genuine here and I do see you have not condoned the behaviour per se), but - and not that it’s relevant - but what you read as shitty I read as friendly/funny. Genuinely! And I’m happy to remove gender and stand by my point. Someone lashing out at a door because they perceived a written sleight is not reaction we should be trying to justify (I know you aren’t, but there is an element of defending by bringing up the OP’s note), especially when THE THUMPER was allowed to leave a note but OP shouldn’t have. Does that make sense?

Op left rubbish in hall for 20 minutes because TEENAGERS.

THUMPER leaves note. (Bizarrely doesn’t knock - too scary?).

OP rectifies rubbish situation. Leaves explanatory (I think light-hearted but recognise it’s open to interpretation) note.

THUMPER assumes absolute worst, has no sense of humour, loses his GODDAM MIND over perceived insult (!!), finds ability to make contact with a door that was a set earlier, and thumps door (finds ability to knock through vengeance).

And what I cannot get my head around is how OP should shoulder any sense of responsibility for that reaction. Whether from a woman or a man.

Though I do believe gender is relevant and had THUMPER been a woman, this thread would be all about how unhinged the woman was.

This is my question. I don’t think the gender matters, I do take up a bit of defensiveness on “the note” because I just wrote a response on an anonymous note that was left, if they’d identified themselves I’d have been right round with an apology and reassurance.

The question has always been: do you punch a door for this?

Do you? I can’t think (yet, AIBU may well find a circumstance where I do accept that as an entirely sensible response and I’m open to that).

I am appreciating all the balanced responses.

OP posts:
Original poster
YesitsBess · 16/10/2022 22:34

EmmaDilemma5 · 16/10/2022 21:27

This isn't a gender thing. You making it that just diverts from the actual issues.

Women also use violence and aggression, albeit less.

This isn't about his anatomy, or appeasing men. It's about OP writing an unnecessary response and the neighbour who overreacted and was unnecessarily aggressive.

Both were defensive, OP in her patronising letter and the neighbour with his literal take on 'knocking' on the door.

Ironically though, OP now wants her male friend to threaten the neighbour or act as a male protector....

Show quote history

That’s not true at all. I don’t want my sons Godfather to threaten anyone. I also didn’t write a patronising letter.

I wrote a quick response to an anonymous note that appeared on my windowsill, that person then punched or kicked my door so hard it made me jump. At that point I asked a question about whether it was reasonable for that to be a response.

At a certain point I mentioned that my sons Godfather could be a “backup” if the chap in question doesn’t want to listen to a woman.

I will be going over tomorrow, because I think there is an essential misunderstanding, but MN has reminded me that I’m not obliged to bow down to a violent person just because I stood up for myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
YesitsBess · 16/10/2022 22:36

milkyaqua · 16/10/2022 22:16

Explain to me again how this is a me problem.

It's a you problem because you seem to think leaving your rubbish in communal spaces for whatever length of time is okay. Most people don't want rubbish in communal spaces, and don't read minds and know it will "only" be for whatever amount of time. Keep your rubbish inside until it is ready to be taken out.

You think that means punching a door is ok yes? It was 30 mins tops with no prior. Wind your neck in.

OP posts:
milkyaqua · 16/10/2022 22:37

Wind your neck in.

You sound nice.

Original poster
YesitsBess · 16/10/2022 22:40

milkyaqua · 16/10/2022 22:37

Wind your neck in.

You sound nice.

I’m everso nice generally. I just don’t like people frightening my son.

You crack on though flower.

OP posts:
Obki · 16/10/2022 22:43

milkyaqua · 16/10/2022 22:16

Explain to me again how this is a me problem.

It's a you problem because you seem to think leaving your rubbish in communal spaces for whatever length of time is okay. Most people don't want rubbish in communal spaces, and don't read minds and know it will "only" be for whatever amount of time. Keep your rubbish inside until it is ready to be taken out.

You sound like a liar.

OP asked her son to take the bag down. Why say she is happy for the rubbish to be in
the communal area?

milkyaqua · 16/10/2022 22:51

A liar! OP said she placed the rubbish in the hall and then asked her son to take it down.

Original poster
YesitsBess · 16/10/2022 22:52

Obki · 16/10/2022 22:43

You sound like a liar.

OP asked her son to take the bag down. Why say she is happy for the rubbish to be in
the communal area?

Show quote history

Again I would like to clarify that I am 100% not in favour of being a bin monster, never have been and nor have my tenants. My son forgot to do something for 20 mins.

OP posts:
Obki · 16/10/2022 23:01

milkyaqua · 16/10/2022 22:51

A liar! OP said she placed the rubbish in the hall and then asked her son to take it down.

Yeah so how is that OP being happy with rubbish being in the communal area? The intent was to take it down.

milkyaqua · 16/10/2022 23:08

Oh my god. The OP could have placed her rubbish-to-be-taken down by her front door, inside her flat.

The OP asked what part of it was down to her. I pointed out that she was happy to place it outside her flat, in a communal area, and then ask her son to take it down, who forgot for a bit. Putting it outside her flat is down to her.

Original poster
YesitsBess · 16/10/2022 23:15

I 100% did not ask that.

OP posts:
mrwalkensir · 16/10/2022 23:16

Er, tbh, I'd have put it inside my flat by the front door to be taken down by my son. If it's put outside your dwelling, the implication is that it's there for a while... Not saying neighbour isn't a knob.....

mauveskies · 16/10/2022 23:25

YesitsBess · 16/10/2022 23:15

I 100% did not ask that.

Oh. That is how I interpreted this line you wrote:

Explain to me again how this is a me problem.

mauveskies · 16/10/2022 23:26

Yes, I thought you were (nastily) asking how on earth anyone could blame you. So I gave an answer. My bad.

Original poster
YesitsBess · 16/10/2022 23:34

mauveskies · 16/10/2022 23:26

Yes, I thought you were (nastily) asking how on earth anyone could blame you. So I gave an answer. My bad.

I was asking if the response was appropriate. We’re currently sitting at 96% that it was not appropriate so I’m happy with that!

OP posts:
WorkHardPlayHard1 · 16/10/2022 23:57

Def get a ring doorbell and one with the option of recording events so you may pay a bit more but worth it! That will deter dicks like this who are cowardly too! ;))

follyfeet · 17/10/2022 00:13

lol, OP you have done nothing wrong, apart from putting this on MN, so that every bored harpy from here to penzance will give you an arse tearing.

Original poster
YesitsBess · 17/10/2022 00:18

follyfeet · 17/10/2022 00:13

lol, OP you have done nothing wrong, apart from putting this on MN, so that every bored harpy from here to penzance will give you an arse tearing.

My arse remains intact I hope!

OP posts:
TootsAtOwls · 17/10/2022 08:27

As soon as I read the "I don't bite" line I thought "Ooh, he's not going to like the implication that he was too scared to knock"
so I think pp are right that he took offence.

However it's a great line to use for that very reason and I'm going to be adding it to any notes I have to write to passive-aggressive people 😄

Original poster
YesitsBess · 18/10/2022 20:01

I think next time I’ll just write “don’t knock. I bite”

Not a dickie bird today so hopefully that’s the end of it!

OP posts:
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