Neighbour punched my door?

[YesitsBess]

We’ve recently moved temporarily (myself and my son 13) into a flat I’ve owned for years, it needs refurbishment and I wouldn’t put tenants in right now. There are other reasons but those aren’t entirely pertinent to what just happened.

It’s a low-rise block with communal bins, we’re 2nd floor at the end of a corridor. I put the rubbish (bagged, not bin-juicy - I’ve got a thing about ‘wet rubbish’ and take it out right away) and two small cardboard boxes outside our door and asked the boy to take them down to the bins.

He did forget, no excuses but he forgot for about 20 mins. I’d been cooking and came out when I checked if he’d done the chore to a note saying “Don’t leave garbage in the halls”.

So far, so 100% fine. Bang to rights, I wouldn’t want to live next door to people who left no bags in halls.

I told my son to take the rubbish down immediately, he did so and I wrote on the bottom of the anonymous note: really sorry, they were out for son to take down, teenagers sometimes make mistakes. Please knock in future if there is a problem, I don’t bite :)

Son took the rubbish down, we are now at 30 mins tops? Then I hear a massive bang, went to his room to see if he’d knocked something over, he hadn’t. I opened the door and my neighbours husband or partner was storming down the corridor with the note in his hand muttering swear words. I can only conclude he punched the door and went off before I could answer. But why do that?

So as not to drop feed, the block has a super efficient management company and I would have known if previous tenants had caused a problem with garbage.

Also, I’m not scared per se, just a bit baffled at how that escalated.

I will 100% keep all rubbish indoors until the last second now also! But AIBU that hitting a door that hard is a bit much?

This is fair! I do know that my tenants have never had rubbish complaints but maybe there have been other problems? The block is very tight-knit and usually I’d get a message if someone wasn’t being community-minded. Only happened once since 2016 and I dealt with it.

’Please knock’ to me just means I’m available for a chat but maybe it was taken as ‘Please punch my door and run off’?!? I’d worked on the assumption that if they wanted a grown-up discussion they’d have put a flat number?

How was it belittling please? If we start from a position of ‘adults generally talk to each other and don’t leave anonymous notes’

I feel for the poor woman who lives with him.

She’s ever so nice. All a bit awkward really, he could have just knocked.

Are you sure he punched/kicked the door? It seems to be a guess - maybe he fell/dropped something?

Does seem a very extreme reaction if not!

I know, I won’t do that and wouldn’t cause that much trouble in my own block. I just get tetchy with anonymous notes, you know damned well I’m a woman on my own, knock and have a chat or use the management company we pay huge amounts of money to!

What's so wrong with leaving a note?

I think your note back was a tad patronising in tone. And who are you to dictate how he should communicate.

Kicking or punching the door was an overreaction and not an appropriate response but your note wasn't as "innocent" as you are making out.

Some people are just absolute roasters.

Look I don't in any way agree with the response from this person and I agree with other posters about considering reporting it and avoiding further escalation.

However yes - instead of a straightforward apology, the note blames a child to absolve responsibility, lectures on how he should expect a child to behave, ridicules for writing a note instead of a face to face interaction, says 'I don't bite' which could easily be interpreted as suggesting cowardice, then ends with a smiley which could easily be seen as sarcastic / patronising

I am sure this wasn't intentional, but if you note was verbatim as you described I can see how it might have felt belittling to read

Imagine a corridor with one door at each end facing each other, and one off to the side at the other end of the corridor (if that makes sense). There are no other doors at this end of the corridor.

The bang was loud enough that I jumped. I was in the kitchen at the back of the flat.

When I’d checked it wasn’t my son being a twit and knocking shelves over, I opened the door and he was stomping back down to his flat.

Where did you leave the note for him to find?

Does he think you’re another tenant and he’s a flat owner? Just wondering.

I said sorry, explained the reason and said please knock in future as I didn’t know who it was from.

To me, and I’m prepared to accept I’m in the wrong here, it was an apology and an appeal.

The fact that I went to my door after the bang might suggest that I’m not a wind-up merchant, but a neighbour ready to apologise (again) and make nice?

He left a note, I wrote an answer on the bottom as I didn’t know who it was from to talk to

I get what you are saying but IME bully boys like this are often only aggressive when they think there are only women, children or elderly people around to intimidate. I bet you the contents of my house he wouldn't be hammering on the OP's door if he thought a man lived there.

I would absolutely go round with a hard looking friend and watch him shit himself.

I'm menopausal though so at the moment would probably physically attack someone who hammered at my door with no good reason...

@YesitsBess

I think maybe you need to get back into the swing of living in flats.

He was a complete jerk, but shit happens when people are living cheek to jowel. I assume he thought you were a new tenant and wanted to make sure to nip your rubbish leaving ways in the bud from the offset.

roll your eyes until they're ready to fall off the back of your head, then move on.

Are you updating it to re-let it? Might be a good idea to put a note through their door when you have any wirk booked in.

how long do you think you & DS will be there?

Not sure how else I could have responded to an anonymous note? Loudhailer probably frowned upon in the block…

I apologised for the thing that had actually happened rather than ignore him. I feel like ignoring him would have also been taken as a ‘fuck you’ and made everything worse.

It feels kind of belittling and insane that my neighbour (singular) is watching my end of the corridor every 20 minutes too?

Bless you and thankyou. My Mum had much the same reaction!

plan A is to try and make amends and reassure him I’m not some garbage monster (we have to be here for a few months so seems wise).

Plan B definitely involves my boys Godfather!

Yes, but where did you put the note after you wrote on the bottom of it?

This is very fair, we’ve been here a few weeks and I don’t think he knows I’ve owned and managed the place for nearly a decade.

May we’ll be that he thinks I need educating. Not sure even if it was tenants that ‘Thanos knock down ginger’ with a mum and teenage boy is the way to go 😁

Is it possible that although previous tenants did not cause problems leaving bags of rubbish outside, they may have caused other problems which the neighbours were sick to death of and which you just weren't told about because nobody complained to the management company?

He got angry because not the only was the rubbish gone within 30 minutes, you expressed yourself confidently and asked him to approach you in person in future.

You were supposed to be obsequious and cowered.

I think taking the bins out of the corridor was the appropriate response, I'm not sure it really needed a reply.

However - 'apologies, will make sure to use the bins in the future' would probably have neutralised the situation

Although it does sound like they are slightly unhinged so who knows

Op I agree I am of the same opinion. But, he's aggressive for nothing. Regardless of how well you can handle yourself, if he's aggressive for a note don't put yourself in that position if you can help it. By all means knock and address it but have that big fucker who plays rugby in the kitchen should you need it.

I'm fat from the little women myself but don't put yourself in danger x

I’m the same place he left it as I didn’t know who it was from. So on the windowsill outside my flat door.