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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I rude/wrong in this situation?

457 replies

clankist · 16/10/2022 16:20

Was out walking my two seven month chihuahuas today. I have treated them like dogs from day one and they are very well trained. They walk off lead absolutely fine and don't bother other dogs at all, however if a dog comes running over to them they will bolt.

Today I was walking them off lead and there were two big golden retriever with two women who were chatting. We were quite a distance away but one of the retrievers started barking and running towards me/my dogs. I put my hand out in a 'stop' motion as it got closer. I said, 'stop' and when that didn't work I said 'no'. That didn't work either and my dogs started to run away.

I moved away from the dogs and began to call for my dogs but the retriever kept following me so my dogs were standing watching at a distance but wouldn't come over due to the dog being next to me. I shouted across to the woman, 'can you please get your dog?' No reply and she continued talking.

I moved away again, calling my dogs and the dog followed me again. I looked at the lady and shouted, 'can you get your dog?' She didn't move.

I moved away again and the dog followed once again, at this point I was exasperated and said a little sternly, 'will You move your dog!?'

She came over and said, 'my dog isn't anywhere near your dogs' rudely.

I said, 'yeah because they ran away terrified due to your dog coming up to them. If your dog is off lead it shouldn't be running up to my dogs'

She went to say something but I just held up my hand and said, 'thank you'.

I then continued my walk with my dogs and the lady met another dog walker who then started pointing to me and shaking their head.

Did I do the right thing to deal with this situation or was I too sensitive? I just think you shouldn't have your dog off the lead unless you know they will not approach any other dogs without permission.

OP posts:
Colderthanever · 17/10/2022 18:26

clankist · 17/10/2022 12:45

I gave her back what I got.

No you didn’t. Why did you ask if you don’t wish to know?

and you’re unable to control your dogs off lead. They bolt if another dog comes near. This is unable to control your dogs. It’s the very definition. You cannot dictate everyone else’s behaviour as you can’t control your animals.

work on training and recall, but importantly socialisation, and until you get this sorted don’t walk them off lead, but they need to be socialise with other dogs.

fucketydoodah · 17/10/2022 18:27

General dog owner rule, if you see an approaching dog off lead the assumption is that it’s happy to play with other dogs. On lead, put your dog on its lead. You can’t expect others to anticipate your dogs individual peculiarities or needs.
Honestly I’m getting bored with my perfect dog versus your bad one theme!

surreygirl1987 · 17/10/2022 18:37

You need to keep your dogs on leads... ridiculous question.

Poodles23 · 17/10/2022 18:38

I agree

Bleachmycloths · 17/10/2022 18:40

The putting your hand up thing is rude. It would infuriate me.

wentworthinmate · 17/10/2022 18:42

Mine would bolt if approached so kept on a lead. If I am in a very quiet area I may let her off but I watch like a hawk for anyone approaching or coming from behind.
It was very rude of the other dog walker to not assist you by getting hold of her dog when you had asked three times. It’s people like this who have no idea what their dogs are up to (crapping all over the place or being a nuisance) because they are too busy on their phone or chatting.

Layla30 · 17/10/2022 18:43

You were not rude at all but in the true spirit of Mumsnet you will get a few pages of folk telling you were first!
You asked the woman quite a few times to come and retrieve her dog which she either didn’t hear (therefore was too far apart from her dog to have any ounce of control) or was ignoring you which makes her the one that’s rude.
By law dogs should be under control at all times, which hers werent, and it is my absolute pet hate when your own dogs are well trained and others couldn’t care less.

Bugbabe1970 · 17/10/2022 18:50

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 16/10/2022 16:37

Yes you were rude
yes you were wrong to have your dogs off the lead without full control.

This

Shhhdontsay · 17/10/2022 18:51

clankist · 16/10/2022 17:01

Didn't her dog bolt over to my dogs though? Why doesn't she keep her boisterous, prone to bolt dog on the lead?

Yes, but neither she nor her dog was upset by this. You and your dogs were. So therefore, the onus is on you to keep your dogs safe and unstressed, I’m afraid. You’ll never be able to control what other fog wieners do, but you can control what you do.
As an aside, you could possibly work on training your dogs a bit more to help them interact better with other dogs and not run away when approached.

asdasult · 17/10/2022 18:52

Fog wieners?

Shhhdontsay · 17/10/2022 18:52

Fog weiners??? 🤣
Dog owners!

Mumontour85 · 17/10/2022 18:54

Typical MN responses on page 1 😂

You were far more restrained than me, if nothing else the woman should have been paying more attention to where her dog was and what it was doing. If her dog was next to you and you had to call over to her more than once, it makes her a bad dog owner!

People saying that OP shouldn't let her dogs off lead if they are skittish, leave it out. The problem isn't her dog not liking other dogs, it is owners that let theirs off leads and then don't monitor or pay any attention.

jewishmum · 17/10/2022 18:59

You do sound a bit naive, and anxious. I would put your reaction down to anxiety or MH.

I actually think that pets are far too much work than they are worth.

alwaysoutdoors · 17/10/2022 19:08

Agreed

SirBale · 17/10/2022 19:10

Shhhdontsay · 17/10/2022 18:51

Yes, but neither she nor her dog was upset by this. You and your dogs were. So therefore, the onus is on you to keep your dogs safe and unstressed, I’m afraid. You’ll never be able to control what other fog wieners do, but you can control what you do.
As an aside, you could possibly work on training your dogs a bit more to help them interact better with other dogs and not run away when approached.

This is nonsense! The other lady was not in effective control of her dog as she was oblivious to the fact it had approached another dog/person. The onus is on her to have her dog under effective control and at times - just because she wasn’t bothered by in doesn’t mean she wasn’t in the wrong.
The law states that a dog can be considered out of control if they make someone worried that it may injure them.

Im truly shocked by the number of people on here who think any off lead dog is fair game for your out of control dogs to run up to bark at etc. and that the poor lady just needs to ‘socialise’ her dogs better without any understanding of what this actually means.

EverythingsSoComplicated · 17/10/2022 19:14

Cant see anything wrong with what you did. If it was me I would have used far worse language and then if no response, got my bailing twine make shift lead out my pocket, put said dog on the make shift lead and tied it to a post at the furthest point away from the owner. Make them walk to get their dog. They won't dam well do it again and on a plus if they see you again they will keep their dog close to them and ignore you. Win win. Bloody hate irresponsible owners.

catfunk · 17/10/2022 19:18

You don't have a leg to stand on as your dogs were off lead and not obeying you.
Also you sound really rude.

Shhhdontsay · 17/10/2022 19:27

SirBale · 17/10/2022 19:10

This is nonsense! The other lady was not in effective control of her dog as she was oblivious to the fact it had approached another dog/person. The onus is on her to have her dog under effective control and at times - just because she wasn’t bothered by in doesn’t mean she wasn’t in the wrong.
The law states that a dog can be considered out of control if they make someone worried that it may injure them.

Im truly shocked by the number of people on here who think any off lead dog is fair game for your out of control dogs to run up to bark at etc. and that the poor lady just needs to ‘socialise’ her dogs better without any understanding of what this actually means.

Neither of them were in control of their dogs! I agree the other woman was a twat not to call her dog back, but the op is equally in the wrong!

Beautiful3 · 17/10/2022 19:28

If your dogs are off lead, then the other dogs can be off lead too (as long as they're not aggressive). If you're not sure about them bolting, then put them on a lead when ever dogs are nearby. Mine is great off the lead, but I always put him on when other dogs come by. Because he gets easily scared and nips. I think you were a little rude to put your hand up, sorry.

SirBale · 17/10/2022 19:31

Shhhdontsay · 17/10/2022 19:27

Neither of them were in control of their dogs! I agree the other woman was a twat not to call her dog back, but the op is equally in the wrong!

She was in control of her dogs until approached by the other dog though?
Yes further training needed for both dogs/owners but situation may well not have occurred if the first women was aware of where her dog was and what it was doing!

Gandalfsthong · 17/10/2022 19:48

I don’t think you were rude given the situation, it sounds stressful, however your dogs should not be off lead if you cant get them back. Dog owner here with two dogs, one of them can never go off lead. Equally having them off lead sends a signal that they are comfortable around other dogs. I agree that the other dog owner acted irresponsibly, I’d have been very annoyed too.

DaughterofZion · 17/10/2022 19:49

Why did YOU take YOUR dogs off the lead?
YABU

Maryminx · 17/10/2022 19:50

I am a dog walker
keep your dogs on leads at all times!

stacyvaron · 17/10/2022 19:54

You shouldn't be walking your dog off lead EVER, so yes, you were in the wrong. If (s)he were on a lead, you could easily have scooped him/her up if need be - this is how animals are injured.

SirChenjins · 17/10/2022 19:56

Oh god - if she had scooped up her dogs she’d have had posters jumping on her for putting herself at risk and creating fear and anxiety in her dogs.