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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I rude/wrong in this situation?

457 replies

clankist · 16/10/2022 16:20

Was out walking my two seven month chihuahuas today. I have treated them like dogs from day one and they are very well trained. They walk off lead absolutely fine and don't bother other dogs at all, however if a dog comes running over to them they will bolt.

Today I was walking them off lead and there were two big golden retriever with two women who were chatting. We were quite a distance away but one of the retrievers started barking and running towards me/my dogs. I put my hand out in a 'stop' motion as it got closer. I said, 'stop' and when that didn't work I said 'no'. That didn't work either and my dogs started to run away.

I moved away from the dogs and began to call for my dogs but the retriever kept following me so my dogs were standing watching at a distance but wouldn't come over due to the dog being next to me. I shouted across to the woman, 'can you please get your dog?' No reply and she continued talking.

I moved away again, calling my dogs and the dog followed me again. I looked at the lady and shouted, 'can you get your dog?' She didn't move.

I moved away again and the dog followed once again, at this point I was exasperated and said a little sternly, 'will You move your dog!?'

She came over and said, 'my dog isn't anywhere near your dogs' rudely.

I said, 'yeah because they ran away terrified due to your dog coming up to them. If your dog is off lead it shouldn't be running up to my dogs'

She went to say something but I just held up my hand and said, 'thank you'.

I then continued my walk with my dogs and the lady met another dog walker who then started pointing to me and shaking their head.

Did I do the right thing to deal with this situation or was I too sensitive? I just think you shouldn't have your dog off the lead unless you know they will not approach any other dogs without permission.

OP posts:
AnnieSnap · 17/10/2022 20:02

FionnulaTheCooler · 16/10/2022 16:23

Putting your hand up in front of someone's face when they are talking is rude, yes.

Not in these circumstances it isn’t. I have two Toy Poodles. They are very well behaved and have good recall, but they are also very friendly and love to meet other small dogs. There would be a good chance they would have run over to the OPs little dogs. We wouldn’t initially stop them, but when we noticed that your dogs didn’t want to meet them, we would call them. Sometimes where meeting other dogs, they are distracted and don’t come back immediately, but we monitor our dogs and would ensure we got them back without delay. If asked by another owner to “get our dogs” (it’s never happened because we’re already doing the right thing), we’d be apologising and taking hold of them. The kind of owner who doesn’t keep control of their animals, then becomes defensive when you ask them to (been there) really pisses me off!

So no OP, you were not rude or wrong. The other owner definitely was though.

DaughterofZion · 17/10/2022 20:05

Mischance · 16/10/2022 18:06

Please keep your dogs on a lead in public spaces.

THIS!!!!

Pipsquiggle · 17/10/2022 20:05

YABU

You need to keep your dogs on a lead.

General rule of thumb - if dog walkers see you have your dogs on a lead, they will put their dog on a lead. If they see your dogs off lead, they will assume your dogs are well socialised dogs who like playing with other dogs.

RockyReef · 17/10/2022 20:09

So you couldn't control your off lead dogs, and she couldn't or didn't control hers? It sounds like all the dogs need to be walked on leads to me! You ABU to moan about someone not controlling their dogs when you also can't control yours. Also it is very rude of you to start blaming her for your inability to stop your dogs running away - if dogs are off leads it is generally accepted that they are friendly and sociable and it's ok for other dogs to approach. My dog is friendly and excellently trained, so he can walk off the lead when appropriate, as I know he will recall instantly and will do as he's told in any situation, he also doesn't react to other dogs. If I were you I would get your puppies much better socialised and work on their training so they can be walked off the lead safely.

Dibbydoos · 17/10/2022 20:13

No you didn't.

She was rude, her dog wasn't under control. Of course your chi's would do a runner, they are meal sized to most other dogs.

I wouldn't give it a second thought. Shell maje up what happened so she doesn't sound like she was being a twit.

Chuck2015 · 17/10/2022 20:15

No you were not rude, your dogs were under control until hers started chasing them. Of course two smaller dogs are likely to be intimidated by a dog ten times their size. I am 5’3 and I would run from someone chasing me who was 6’7. You have every right to protect your dog and she sounds atypical of the entitled modern day dog owner who thinks they can leave their dog to do whatever it wishes. You were minding your own business with your dogs fully under control and she wasn’t listening or responding so yeah you had every right to be frustrated.

Schooldilemma2345 · 17/10/2022 20:17

Generally I would say that dog etiquette wise, you should train your dogs not to run up to other dogs which are on the lead. Dogs off the lead are free to interact and play with each other. I have a 4.5 month old springador puppy and I’m training him to seek permission before he runs up to any dog, whether it is off the lead or not. This is mainly because my last dog was a ridiculously over friendly chocolate lab who couldn’t understand why some people weren’t interested. My absolutely priority training wise is recall though so I would put my dog on the lead if I wasn’t certain he would come straight back to me when called, even with other dogs around. His recall is absolutely brilliant for his age but I will still put him on the lead if I think he’s not listening brilliantly or if there are loads of distractions.
I’m wondering why your dogs bolt- have you socialised them much with other dogs? I know they have each other but they need to learn how to interact appropriately with other dogs too. Is it possible you’re a bit nervous of bigger dogs and they’re picking up on that because they should be looking to you for confidence if they are a little unsure. I would expect them to look at you and perhaps sit behind you if they’re cautious but not run off. I call my puppy to me if I know there are things he might not have experienced by saying ‘stay close’. I make lots of eye contact and move confidently past an unfamiliar object without making too much fuss about it. He trusts my guidance and is usually fine then. If I think something is actually making him nervous I’d put him in the lead.

SirChenjins · 17/10/2022 20:17

General rule of thumb - if dog walkers see you have your dogs on a lead, they will put their dog on a lead. If they see your dogs off lead, they will assume your dogs are well socialised dogs who like playing with other dogs

Good one Grin

windmill4865 · 17/10/2022 20:25

If an approaching dog is on a lead, I will put mine on their leads. If its not, then I assume they will behave as dogs do.. But, if my chi was gonna run off scared... then she would have to be on a lead regardless. Couldn't take the risk of her being squashed ? Most Chi's think they are lions... So, I do tend to put her on the lead if its a much bigger dog, damage limitation. Just common sense for each situation. 7 months is very young for dogs to be trusted off lead. They still follow random people and dogs at that age.... So maybe, long leads for a while so you can reel them back if they are frightened ?

HarryBlaster · 17/10/2022 20:34

The Retriever owner should have been paying more attention as her dog was off the lead. I don’t think you were wrong to react as you did. You tried asking a couple of times first. Any dog off the lead should be constantly watched, you just don’t know what will transpire. No different to toddlers.

DarthTater3 · 17/10/2022 20:47

I’m surprised at the amount of people judging you and even saying that you’re downplaying the part you played. That’s surely a possibility with most MN posts but so what? You can only go with the info given. Just going by what you’ve said ( because we can’t really ask the other lady obviously 🙄 ), my immediate reaction was that you’d asked for help and we’re obviously trying to look out for your dogs and the lady ignored you. She was rude and your reaction was justified.

Olsi109 · 17/10/2022 20:47

The rules I abide by (and most in my area do) is that if your dog is off lead this means they are well behaved and approachable. If my dog was timid and did not want any other dog to approach I would have them on lead to communicate this (obv you get the odd bellend who still allows their dog to approach), and if I saw someone's dog on a lead I would take this to mean they don't want a dog to approach so won't allow mine to. If my dog is off lead he may well take a wide birth of other dogs if they start to approach but he's an 8 year old collie, I've had him all that time so know him very well, and we've yet to come across a dog that can outrun him so he can handle his own and he will just wait in the trees for me to catch up - I wouldn't have a go at the other owner as it's just my dog having a grump that particular day. I think until your dogs are older and more sociable (they may never be enough to be off lead btw), then you should keep them on lead.

winkywonky · 17/10/2022 21:30

Totally disagree with any dog owner here saying dogs off lead should be able to approach any dog if they are off lead. A dog does not know what dogs are on/off lead! So if you let them approach another dogs 'normally' what happens if you chat or loose sight of your dog and they come accross an on lead dog? My dog has been attacked 3 times by dogs off lead as the owner was 'just around the corner, they have never done it before, so unlike them' etc etc, Bla Bla. I have a big dog and their little dogs (as all 3 have been) have went for the fight over flight. My dog wears a lead that holds his muzzle and I have to pull so hard on the poor boy when it's not his fault, he tries to protect him and me. Who's to blame if my big dog puts your little dog in their place? One dog bit me so hard it tore my finger open as I tried to move its terrible terrier teeth from my dogs neck. Honestly I am so sick off people and their excuses, your dog should not be off lead if it approaches anyone or any dog without permission! My son who was with me on 2 occasions is now terrified and if a small dog approaches him off lead and he cries, he should not be getting approached by any dog! You were quite right OP some dog owners seem to think the sun shines out their dogs arse and are never in the wrong.

Pipsquiggle · 17/10/2022 22:16

winkywonky · 17/10/2022 21:30

Totally disagree with any dog owner here saying dogs off lead should be able to approach any dog if they are off lead. A dog does not know what dogs are on/off lead! So if you let them approach another dogs 'normally' what happens if you chat or loose sight of your dog and they come accross an on lead dog? My dog has been attacked 3 times by dogs off lead as the owner was 'just around the corner, they have never done it before, so unlike them' etc etc, Bla Bla. I have a big dog and their little dogs (as all 3 have been) have went for the fight over flight. My dog wears a lead that holds his muzzle and I have to pull so hard on the poor boy when it's not his fault, he tries to protect him and me. Who's to blame if my big dog puts your little dog in their place? One dog bit me so hard it tore my finger open as I tried to move its terrible terrier teeth from my dogs neck. Honestly I am so sick off people and their excuses, your dog should not be off lead if it approaches anyone or any dog without permission! My son who was with me on 2 occasions is now terrified and if a small dog approaches him off lead and he cries, he should not be getting approached by any dog! You were quite right OP some dog owners seem to think the sun shines out their dogs arse and are never in the wrong.

@winkywonky so those dogs that attacked your dog clearly should have been on a lead and muzzled. They are dangerous dogs

When my dog is off lead, I will always look out for other dog walkers. If their dogs are on a lead, I will automatically put my dog on a lead. This is what the vast majority of dog walkers do in this area. Of course there are always dickhead owners but most are considerate of others

betsybo · 17/10/2022 22:17

😂

Southwig22 · 17/10/2022 22:37

If this was Reddit it'd be an ESH answer.

If your dogs are that nervous and could bolt, you should pop them on the lead around other dogs (and they're young - get some good training and socialisation going and you'll probably be sorted easily). If nothing else, I'd be worried about the risk of them getting lost or run over.

The retriever owner should have had her eye on her dog and called it back when it was obvious you didn't want to be approached.

The altercation between you both also sounds like you were both a bit defensive.

Mollymoostoo · 17/10/2022 22:47

WeepingSomnambulist · 16/10/2022 16:27

The general rule is that if dogs are off lead then other dogs can approach them to play.

If you see dogs on lead, then you stop your dog from approaching them. Off lead dogs can play with each other.

If your dogs are a flight risk around other dogs then you need to keep them on a lead. If they had been on a lead, and that dog ran at you and your dogs, then you could shout to the woman to get her dog etc. But your dogs were off lead.

Well I must have missed that rule in the hand book for dog walkers. You live and learn.

PugInTheHouse · 17/10/2022 22:48

@winkywonky dogs only know the difference as good owners would ensure that they give a command to their dogs to stop them going over to an on lead dog. Personally I prefer mine to wait before going over to an off lead dog also as it keeps them calmer for good greetings/play but I would assume it was fine if the dog was off lead in a dog park.

I do think I must live in an area with generally very nice dog owners though as we have very few incidents and most times people say it is OK for my dog to say hi etc.

I have only had one nasty comment and it was at the beach, dogs were running along the beach, several of them playing nicely off lead running alongside each other, kind if chasing each other but in a nice way, and this lady handed me my dogs long line off the floor as she said my dog was charging at hers. I was stunned, the other owners of the other dogs were laughing as she was so ridiculous and it was complete nonsense but she was so nasty I was quite stunned and upset so only thought about all the things I should have said after I got home.

Babysitter12 · 17/10/2022 22:51

Dogs are social animals, and like to meet other dogs. if you don't like dogs socialising, then go somewhere where there aren't dogs.
If you don't socialise dogs, they get wary and aggressive,

Mollymoostoo · 17/10/2022 22:54

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 16/10/2022 16:50

This.

This thread is eye-opening. So many clueless dog owners

Exactly. And even when on a lead, my dog gets bothered by other dogs. The owners don't call their dogs back or their dogs refuse to respond.
Very often they act likes it my fault stating my dog must be in season. She is spayed.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 17/10/2022 23:03

Babysitter12 · 17/10/2022 22:51

Dogs are social animals, and like to meet other dogs. if you don't like dogs socialising, then go somewhere where there aren't dogs.
If you don't socialise dogs, they get wary and aggressive,

Socialize with friends' dogs, not the dogs of unwilling strangers. Ffs.

ImEasyLikeSundayMorning · 17/10/2022 23:04

You can't take your dogs to a place where dogs are walked and not expect dogs to come over and sniff your dogs butts, and do perfectly normal dog things.

YABU.

Your dogs aren't very well trained. They ran off.

And yes, you were being rude.

Insideallday · 17/10/2022 23:13

All dogs on leads. I don’t think you were in a position to complain if yours weren’t on a lead. However she was unreasonable not recalling her dog straight away.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 17/10/2022 23:24

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 17/10/2022 23:03

Socialize with friends' dogs, not the dogs of unwilling strangers. Ffs.

This.

It's just a rule for owners who can't recall their dogs if there is an off lead dog about.

PinkSox · 17/10/2022 23:40

ImEasyLikeSundayMorning · 17/10/2022 23:04

You can't take your dogs to a place where dogs are walked and not expect dogs to come over and sniff your dogs butts, and do perfectly normal dog things.

YABU.

Your dogs aren't very well trained. They ran off.

And yes, you were being rude.

What makes you think dogs are expected to run over to other dogs to sniff their butts? Have you not trained your dog to stay with you?

Honestly I’m astounded by the stance of some dog owners. If you can’t trust your dog not to be a nuisance to other dogs or people keep them leashed. It isn’t difficult. Nobody wants a random dog jumping all over them or sniffing their dogs butt! Not all unleashed dogs want to “play” with some random dog either!

An unleashed dog, who is walking with its owner, isn’t fair game for some untrained dog to terrorise him/her. If you can’t trust your dog to stay with you … keep it on a leash!

In this instance OP isn’t wrong. Her pups run off because some dopey owner allowed their dog to run over to them. OP asked owner to call her dog. Owner didn’t and her pups became anxious and ran to get away from the offending dog. OP lost her cool - most owners who have bothered to train their dogs lose their cool with ineffectual dog owners.

Again… If you can’t control your dog, using your voice, it needs to be leashed in public places.

Not all unleashed dogs “want to play” or “have their butts sniffed”. Keep your dog to yourself.

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